Spirituality behind submission/domination

This question has always been on my mind. Since early age i acknowledged that I was instinctually submissive. I like to be babied, nurtured and i hate to admit but be told what to do. I always hated this quality, and i try to break free from it, but i realized i can't. What i hate about this quality, is not the idea of giving, but putting someone else above you. I always believed that every organism in the world is equal, just some easily destroyed in the circle of life.I always had this rebellious attitude and believed that no one can tell you how to think but yourself so i was kinda contradicting myself. Plus
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I already met my soul mate who has a dominant nature, and we click together like magic, But the part which is causing me resent is the whole domme/sub thing. I do want to give all that i can to her because i do love her, but then at times i feel like ihave an outburst of hate to her, because it feels like i'm the giver and she's the taker sexually that is. I mean she's a great person, she said shed do anything for me, and she's a much more noble person than me. but i don't want to give to someone who gets off by being the queen and me the servant, especially since i'm attracted to that. Bassicly what i'm asking is, is there more to it than just being a giver or a taker, or a reason why someone who gets off by control deserves someone to serve them, spiritually speaking?

[Xan]

corkhead... These sort of dominance/submission patterns come out when we don't accept ourselves as we are. Those who are dominant are always trying to prove they are better and stronger, and those who are submissive are always trying to get others to approve of them. Both patterns lead to resentment and relationship problems.

Both of these compensation patterns can be corrected by learning to accept yourself... in your unique ways of being, thinking and feeling. Two people who accept themselves can also accept and respect each other in equality. That's what a higher spiritual relationship is like.

Learning to accept yourself just as you are, including your tendency to be a passive giver, is a gradual healing process that you could start now... with whatever you are feeling this moment.

With this healing you may go on to discover your true self, which is neither passive nor dominant, but whole and at peace always. That's what "spiritual" means... knowing your inner being, your spirit, as your real self.


Xan

Yes.....its always fun to be a giver and a taker. Both are good as long as there is a balance. I like to be submissive and I like to be in control.....what I really like is to be in control and taken over into a submissive position by somebody who can take control...otherwise I might get out of control. It goes both ways. A balance of the two is exciting and fun.

[Mr Interesting]

Theres a Chinese martial art that stresses that an attackers energy can be avoided by non confrontation and it's not at all about being submissive but about being actively unresistive.

A pure submission is a noble thing and inactive passivity it is not.

If you're going to be submissive then do it with an active intention to be unresistive and you'll learn a great deal from that but if you're submissive through fear of taking control and resisting that intention from within to do so... then... it's just another ball of energy going nowhere. Well, not nowhere exactly... it'll make you ill.

Originally Posted by corkhead93

I always believed that every organism in the world is equal

Must need more coffee this morning since when I first read this I read "orgasm" and was like WHAT?

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

Must need more coffee this morning since when I first read this I read "orgasm" and was like WHAT?

LOL Mr Beautiful LOL!

[WhiteWarrior]

The center of a good, modern bdsm relationship is Power Exhange. The submissive GIVES away control of him/herself, and the Dominant ACCEPTS that control. Both know that the submissive can at any time take that control back. The Dominant can do whatever pleases him/her - provided it is clarified with the submissive in advance. In reality, the partners are equal and the power difference is roleplayed to give a sensual rush in momentary setting. The best way to describe the partners could be that the Dominant has been given the initiative, and the submissive reacts. And yet the submissive will some times take initiative to provoke a reaction from the Dom. It all depends on the relationship of the partners. And I wish to remind you that the innermost core of a bdsm relationship.... is simply a relationship.

I have met submissives whose dedication to their Dom is total, and yet they are - imho - stronger willed than their partners. I suspect that part of their joy in being submissive is that it give them temporary freedom from their ordinary dominant lifestyle. It is not unknown among top leaders to have a hankering toward submission in bed. Speaking as a Dom, I will freely admit that the power I am given from a submissive gives me a great rush, especially as there is little power to my name in this current life.

My supposed tf would say (I'm quite sure) that I was domineering .. LOL

But everyone that knew us that I know said he was a total control freak & he was the domineering one.
I don't consider myself domineering or controlling of others.. I think where, speaking of who I am (& I did share this with tf & am very open about it).. after living alone many yrs I am used to things as they are.. so I think it was very hard for me to get used to living with someone.. but for me it was a wonderful time because it is relaxing to have someone around (when married).. to just BE together & not have to work so hard to entertain which when single & living alone when someone comes over that's what it amts to.. being ON. As to interacting..
I think we balanced each other as to our how we lived together quite well.
I loved being domestic.. he would take out trash/sweep.. The chores for most part around house I did because I am high energy & like doing these things..
I feel that since he was not working he would (this is a part of the reasons why, that I believe) get very frustrated .. & instead of following thru somehow on a job, & we both talked a lot about how since we are tf's we felt we had amission together.. we both had some health issues & it just seemed like it all made sense.. as he said orig & at dif times, that we could have a pt business. We both had skills/talents that were well matched & it could have worked out & been successful, I think we both knew that.
I was more than willing/ ready to do this.. it was part of the progress of the tf thing.. our, "mission." BUT he seemed like he was wanting to control the home front, he would anger when I would perhaps speak to him more than a few times in a 2 hr period.
I had activities /work that I did outside of the home.. but he I think, was depressed, & also related to his health issues but was fixed in this way.
I also think that my supposed tf... or not MINE but the person I knew.. meaning tf.. was very used to being in karmic relationships & had not found himself yet. He had never been alone in life for any length of time but maybe early one for a short time. I think he was not solid in himself.
His sadness.. is projected outwards.
I feel like Everyone has the need to grow, no matter.. but commit & when we were married.. it was that he would move out continually.. so we never ever had the ability to balance out. When things would start to go smoothly, comfort levels there, then he would move (pack everything & leave for months & I would not hear from him). It was nuts & he would say I had a control problem.
I feel he was used to karmic relationships/marriages.. & was not used to being BEING himself & then would twist things into something else.. he would see me at times as his mother because he didn't know how to push thru as to some of what he needed to do for himself & in ALL of this, he would run.. move out, every # of months in our marriage, so WE never were able to balance out together.. when it began to calm down.. where we were able to have a routine & begin to relax as to thinking about outside of each other.. because at each of these times there was a honeymoon stage but then much past that he would again move out. It was like this ongoing..
I believe my supposed tf is used to karmic relationships & has not been alone enough to really understand or appreciate what we were & how to push through. it scared him to death.. & he in that, would say I am controlling.
Well yeah.. as to not liking someone to move out on me every 3-6 months when married.. perhaps. I need at least some sense of stability in my life as to financial & who is close to me. I had to start over for 5 yrs & it has taken a toll/ he came & went, over & over.. I finally am Beginning to stabilize after he has been gone 2 yrs now.. but it has been with tremendous losses due to it all.
it's about balance.. balance of self FIRST & FOREMOST..then being ok with BEING.. LOVING .. always & forevermore!
i like words & the word control I see con trol. it's about being oneself really..
my parents taught me to love at all times. In my family of orig I am not allowed to not love. So really controlling someone else is not an option. but expecting my own life to go smoothly by keeping an order it IS my responsibility as an adult. It's what I am working on now, what I tried to acheive w/tf.. Each person has to work on self.. & really it's not about us..we are here to serve GOD. That's why the order, love & loving is so important.

Something I try to do...
if one ie, were to take every single person in this forum..
& UTILIZE their positive traits ..
& YES it is about exchange of power/energy.. white warrior.
I haven't read all the replies in here yet..

but even for you, corkhead to admit outloud that you have these concerns & then say.. ok now what? that's positive.

it's MOVEMENT forward, however than means to the person/s..
& each person is different in how they function.
Understanding & working on that & then in unison.. learning to COMMUNICATE...

There were things that clicked when I met tf that helped me mature in ways that noone else I dont' believe could have helped me see..

.. Life is not a competition of souls in as much as it's a focus (ideally) on GOD, & self, then outward.. LOVE, the energy.. & yes exchange.. of power/energy/soul ... being OK with saying, here is who I am, my strengths & weaknesses..
& working from that place..

Also, so many people are not OK with being alone. It's not good to be alone, in the fact of being ISOLATED.. or not having friends.. people need people!!!
But many (most) people want to be in a relationship of intimate nature..
when they don't have a clue who they are.

This is something I realized, also from reading, my college degree, etc..
is that people need to have a balance in life..
a larger circle of friends, a smaller circle of friends, a few close friends.
THAT IS HEALTHY.
When things get out of balance, one can bet there are going to be problems.
& life is funny because sometimes it happens (during a move to anew town, loss of health, etc..).
But recentering is important.

Many people seem to go from one marriage right to the next..
the problem is that, there is many times a disconnect of support systems & then not rebalancing .. before reconnecting can cause many problems.
Too, when in a marriage, it's important to work on all of these things because if they are not dealt with then the strains in the marriage can become great.

When I was single, & even now, I make sure to work on all of these things & I will not allow myself to get involved with someone intimately until I have my act together in these ways.. (a well rounded life). If I am balanced out as much as I am able to be at that time, then I can perceive the out of balance /whether it is self or another & work from that point but in that way it is going to be that it comes from a Can Do place where *I* must work on the balance.. not expect others to do what I myself need to be doing..

When in a marriage, it is a commitment & legal, binding. There are ebbs & flows that are of natural consequence. Sometimes it is that the couple is well suited as to compatibility.. but marriage is hard work, being single is hard work.

People on the forum.. I can see when I read that each one of us are gifted in our own way.. bringing to this place.. a set of talents/skills.. in our sharing of our own lives/circumstances. That does not mean that someone can Know another's reality & by reading, but recognizing each other for the gifts they do have.. in their own right...& expecting that they are capable of acheiving their potential..sharing/listening/offering support from each other's perscpective.
I think God Sees us like this too.

Circumstances do dictate at times, or limit ones abilities, but believing in others by loving at all times, is so important.

& what if .. one was left with nothing.. in the physical world, bedridden & at the mercy of.. others.. the bible says, "the greatest of these is love."
We are never without, never alone when we have THE LORD GOD in our heart/soul/mind. God Is Love & He Is our Light in the darkness.

Originally Posted by 79810PM

I feel he was used to karmic relationships/marriages.. & was not used to being BEING himself & then would twist things into something else..important.

Thats because he refused to learn his lesson and therefore has to continue experiencing the same lesson over and over again. If you don't learn the lesson a karmic soul mate presents to you than you will be shown this lesson again and again till you "get it". Just because you sepeate and leave behind a karmic soul doesn't mean you can escape from the lesson.