My reunion (slowed down by my doubts)

Well it has been a verrrrrrrrrry long time since I have been in here.

To all those who don't know me , nice to meet you! :)

I would like to say that my TF experience has been a nightmare. I often wondered how something that was meant to be for the greater good could turn out the way it did. I must say that things got a lot worse than they got better. We had a fallen out in a way that nobody could ever think we can come back from (long thing short - I fought with people who were close to him that were causing him and us problems , he took their side over mine, despite the terrible things they did ) . Yet every night as I was suffering (and expressing it either by crying my face off or by saying how I'm fed up and gonna move on) these words always came to me " do you reeeeeeally think that's the end? haha!"

We didn't speak for months , which felt like years . Then one day I accidentally broke a mirror and had a feeling inside that someone had died. I thought of him but a few hours later my family got a call that my aunt had died.

The next morning I had the urge to go to his house.An I put a note under his door (think he was there but hiding lol) sayin how no matter what hes still a good man.

I did try to contact him but no answers. Some being angry messages , some being forgiving. which i see was quite confusing. So I left him for two weeks. After my aunts funeral I had an urge to go to his 'one last time' and something told me this time he'll open the door. I knocked and said "oi, its me. I know you're in there and I'm gonna sit outside here and read a book till you open the door!" to which I heard him shout profanities which I'm not sure I'm allowed to type yet I smiled just to hear his voice for the first time in months. I sat for a while then got up to stretch my legs , he must of thought I was leaving because the door opened.
Going into his flat I could see he was having a hard time too. He wasn't living the great life cause I was gone . That's something us so called -stayers need to realize. When you rid yourself of selfish feelings it clears your vision to see their pain also. To feel so low that you deny yourself of the love that you want and need , is much harder than to give love to someone who runs out of fear. Is that wrong?
We Have argued for short spaces of time since then, so cant give a fairy tale story. He has admitted that he hated me and didnt know why coz "you're alright, theres nothing wrong with you!" looool so it goes to show it was a deeper darker force holding us back.
On the bright side he has genuinely expressed that he is sorry and that he appreciates that I have come back. And I continue to try to remember that because of how hard his life was before I came along he has some healing to do. I can only support him by not seeing the man who the world has made him but seeing the man that he IS and who he wants to be.


And I have to say to everyone else who is unsure at the moment....

When you are can honestly say that what you have done and what you are doing was out of the purist love for your other half AND for yourself. You are not and are not doing the wrong thing.

This separation is all about learning about you because as soon as you start trusting in your instincts , there is no one and nothing that can make you doubt yourself ...which means you doubt your connection also.So you may be at conflict, you may be separated but this is Its about having blind faith in something you can not see right now. Maybe that's the point the universe is trying to make . There are TF couples who knew they belonged together and have established almost complete harmony, so what about the rest of us?why cant we do it?
Those of use who have found our connection have one thing missing and its faith , how can the universe trust us with its plan if we are constantly questioning it, therefore making us question ourselves (am I insane? am I obsessed...if you was, do we not know ourselves enough to know when we are...when lilstar07 doesnt know where the line of lilstar07's obsession lies ,than has she learned to know herself?), if we do not know ourselves how can we trust? and if your other half is a reflection of you he/she will be doing the same.

I'm not just asking you guys this, I'm asking myself as I type. If it was written that myself and this person were meant to reunite in complete harmony . Then its gonna happen...at some point. However the doubt will only make this process longer.

I have reunited with my soul partner at the right time. The problem we must face is mine of 'where did i go wrong, could i of done this or that differently/better? and his guilt of how he had treated me in the past but I can see my progress and must have faith that he is in his process of overcoming his troubles as I speak.

I have not regretted one second of this journey so far and wont take back anything (not even the pain!) There is nothing and nobody (not even him) that convince me that he is a bad person or that he doesn't love me . This is the level of consciousness I had to reach.No doubt.


I haven't heard from him in a week or so, but I know that he will call me this week, mark my words

Know and have faith in your knowing people!

That is beautiful - thank you :)
I especially loved the following line that you wrote (made me all teary-eyed, lol!):

I can only support him by not seeing the man who the world has made him but seeing the man that he IS and who he wants to be.

It is hard to keep the faith when you can't be together much...but that is the hardest lesson we have to learn...have faith :)

Keep us posted on your progress!

[mystical]

you have come such a long way in the last year lil star :))))) im so happy7 for you aty how yiu have stuck with this even when it has often been sheer hell , you have explained this so beautifully . xxxx :)

Wow this is so inspiring! Everything u say is the truth in my world when I look deep inside and trust the voice I hear...thank you for sharing xxx well done to you both what a journey!!

Lilstar07, that really was inspiring. What you wrote about is what I wrestle with every day. I had a long 5-hour trip in the car today and I found myself constantly thinking about supposed TF and how the longer time goes that I haven't talked to him the more I must be delusional about the whole thing. But immediately I try to retrain my thoughts to say "have faith, if you don't have faith in God and the universe, you'll just delay the process." What you wrote about really confirmed it for me. Thank you for that. It's nice to hear about someone else's long progress and hopeful outcomes in these trying times.

[mystical]

sorry keyboard critters were out again :/

Lovely and inspiring post Lilstar...gives us all hope and helps reaffirm our faith...that is the glue to all this.... :)

Originally Posted by Lilstar07

Well it has been a verrrrrrrrrry long time since I have been in here.

To all those who don't know me , nice to meet you! :)

I would like to say that my TF experience has been a nightmare. I often wondered how something that was meant to be for the greater good could turn out the way it did. I must say that things got a lot worse than they got better. We had a fallen out in a way that nobody could ever think we can come back from (long thing short - I fought with people who were close to him that were causing him and us problems , he took their side over mine, despite the terrible things they did ) . Yet every night as I was suffering (and expressing it either by crying my face off or by saying how I'm fed up and gonna move on) these words always came to me " do you reeeeeeally think that's the end? haha!"

We didn't speak for months , which felt like years . Then one day I accidentally broke a mirror and had a feeling inside that someone had died. I thought of him but a few hours later my family got a call that my aunt had died.

The next morning I had the urge to go to his house.An I put a note under his door (think he was there but hiding lol) sayin how no matter what hes still a good man.

I did try to contact him but no answers. Some being angry messages , some being forgiving. which i see was quite confusing. So I left him for two weeks. After my aunts funeral I had an urge to go to his 'one last time' and something told me this time he'll open the door. I knocked and said "oi, its me. I know you're in there and I'm gonna sit outside here and read a book till you open the door!" to which I heard him shout profanities which I'm not sure I'm allowed to type yet I smiled just to hear his voice for the first time in months. I sat for a while then got up to stretch my legs , he must of thought I was leaving because the door opened.
Going into his flat I could see he was having a hard time too. He wasn't living the great life cause I was gone . That's something us so called -stayers need to realize. When you rid yourself of selfish feelings it clears your vision to see their pain also. To feel so low that you deny yourself of the love that you want and need , is much harder than to give love to someone who runs out of fear. Is that wrong?
We Have argued for short spaces of time since then, so cant give a fairy tale story. He has admitted that he hated me and didnt know why coz "you're alright, theres nothing wrong with you!" looool so it goes to show it was a deeper darker force holding us back.
On the bright side he has genuinely expressed that he is sorry and that he appreciates that I have come back. And I continue to try to remember that because of how hard his life was before I came along he has some healing to do. I can only support him by not seeing the man who the world has made him but seeing the man that he IS and who he wants to be.


And I have to say to everyone else who is unsure at the moment....

When you are can honestly say that what you have done and what you are doing was out of the purist love for your other half AND for yourself. You are not and are not doing the wrong thing.

This separation is all about learning about you because as soon as you start trusting in your instincts , there is no one and nothing that can make you doubt yourself ...which means you doubt your connection also.So you may be at conflict, you may be separated but this is Its about having blind faith in something you can not see right now. Maybe that's the point the universe is trying to make . There are TF couples who knew they belonged together and have established almost complete harmony, so what about the rest of us?why cant we do it?
Those of use who have found our connection have one thing missing and its faith , how can the universe trust us with its plan if we are constantly questioning it, therefore making us question ourselves (am I insane? am I obsessed...if you was, do we not know ourselves enough to know when we are...when lilstar07 doesnt know where the line of lilstar07's obsession lies ,than has she learned to know herself?), if we do not know ourselves how can we trust? and if your other half is a reflection of you he/she will be doing the same.

I'm not just asking you guys this, I'm asking myself as I type. If it was written that myself and this person were meant to reunite in complete harmony . Then its gonna happen...at some point. However the doubt will only make this process longer.

I have reunited with my soul partner at the right time. The problem we must face is mine of 'where did i go wrong, could i of done this or that differently/better? and his guilt of how he had treated me in the past but I can see my progress and must have faith that he is in his process of overcoming his troubles as I speak.

I have not regretted one second of this journey so far and wont take back anything (not even the pain!) There is nothing and nobody (not even him) that convince me that he is a bad person or that he doesn't love me . This is the level of consciousness I had to reach.No doubt.


I haven't heard from him in a week or so, but I know that he will call me this week, mark my words

Know and have faith in your knowing people!

these are truly inspiring words, thank you for the reminder especially of having faith. this is such a hard conept to grasp for alot of people. and it will take practice to master.

but your words are as true as any could get. Again thank you for your wisdom....

I'm so glad my story was able to comfort you in some way. This is such a difficult situation. Mainly because you cant turn to many people you know that will understand , unless they are also going through it.
It took me a verrrrryyy long time to come back to this forum and post that. Things had been getting better slowly for a while but I didn't want to say anything out loud just in case it went wrong (lack of faith lol)

Oh yea, I said in the first post that I could feel he was gonna call me,right....He called me yesterday morning :) I might do this trusting my instincts thing more often.