Feelings of Death

Hi may I please pick your brains on this. Just over a year ago & feeling blocked in my meditation practice I released a prayer, of what I would call intent.

The basis of the prayer was that I would handle & confront everything necessay in order to awaken from the illusions that I've lived with all my life if the spiritual universe sees fit to let me enter into the process.

The answer was a resounding YES. Long story short was to strap myself in cause the trip got real bumpy, but what I wanted to address in this thread was the first experience that come upon me. Within days of making the prayer I was overcome by an incredibly strong feeling of death. I initially took this very personally & believed that it pertained to my own life eg health & fitness. I did what I could to clean up my act but the thoughts continued to persist.

The feelings continued for about 6 weeks until I got a call to say my mum had died. They then left & were promptly replaced with grief & anxiety.

Initially I felt the feelings were there as a premonition of sorts pertaining to my mothers death. Over the course of the last year though my feelings have changed & I now feel that they might have more to do with a death of the self or a death of illusions.

I'm flying blind here & hoping that someone might have some experience with this as it did feel incredibly strong & significant. Thanks