Passing the egos fear of losing control

[Horse]

I have had this fear of being possessed since I was a kid, its been my biggest fear. I have had a couple of experiences now where I partially surrendered to the fear, I just accepted getting possessed cuz its absurd that I would be clinging to the way I am now when I no longer have a desire to exist in this egoic mode. What possessed me both times was a profound sense of love and good will. This fear of possession seems to be my egos last resort to keep my consciousness ensnared. The idea that gets me every time is I remember how people say that the only way an entity can possess you is if you give it permission, I start wondering if I am accepting and surrendering to it, thats like giving it permission.

What I experienced a few days was acute awareness of the collective suffering of humanity and profound compassion, with the compassion was this power, I felt like I could drive through any obstacle with it. Now I am back in a low spiritual state and I can see my ego corrupting everything with its evil ways and I feel powerless to rise above it because my awareness has dropped to such a degree that I am not conscious enough of the ego to overcome it. The thing I feared as a kid, the idea of being possessed by an evil entity, I see that its been a reality all along. Being identified with the egoic mind is demonic possession. I see that love is the ultimate tool for freeing ones consciousness from this affliction. I understand that love is the natural state of unity, the reality beyond this illusion of separation. I just feel trapped and helpless to awaken from this nightmare of separation, I need to awaken to oneness and unity consciousness but I don't know how.

I have received really useful guidance from some of the people on this forum, but the part I struggle with is listening inside myself. I find meditation extremely difficult, the part I struggle with most is that I don't know if I'm making any progress with it or not. There are invisible forces pushing me towards this awakening, I embrace this fully now, without these forces I would have no hope. It is very disturbing to see how deeply ensnared many others are, they don't even realise they are trapped, let alone have any desire to escape the prison. They believe their choices determine how much they suffer, when in reality it is the degree to which they are imprisoned in this illusion of separation.

I am so profoundly grateful for all the help I have received in bringing me to this point of realisation of the need to awaken. I'm just struggling with not knowing how to make the leap. I'm trying to listen inside myself, but struggling with that aspect as I dont know how. I realise I need to start loving myself but again, I don't know how. The other day when I stepped into a state of heightened awareness, I saw myself in a way that had me crying it was so beautiful, that is so profoundly easy to love, but I need a certain level of awareness to even perceive myself in such a clear way. The ego cuts that awareness off.

[Jyotir]

Hi Barnacle,

What seems like a leap - which may seem daunting prior - could also in retrospect be seen as simply having taken many steps incrementally.

It's an 'open' secret.

Just ask.
Just ask every day - and every minute if possible.
Prayer works.
Be patient and cheerful, but mostly - keep going, consciously and deliberately.

Just listen.
Listen every day - and every minute if possible.
Meditation works.
Be receptive and unconditional and vigilant, but mostly - establish a regular practice.

Things will happen - guaranteed. Because the Highest is within you, inseparably and compassionately.

And if you are already doing these things, you can intensify them by also praying for these practices to become more effective.

This is what spiritual aspirants have been doing in some form for thousands of years - so, you're not alone.

~ J

[Horse]

Thanks Jyotir. I started a daily practice, I'm doing 3 hours of breath meditation daily. Along with praying for it to be more effective. I've observed so much egoic process already. The pushing and pulling has actually got more extreme than ever since I started, or maybe I'm just more aware of it I don't know.

[naturesflow]

[quote]

Originally Posted by Barnacle

I have had this fear of being possessed since I was a kid, its been my biggest fear. I have had a couple of experiences now where I partially surrendered to the fear, I just accepted getting possessed cuz its absurd that I would be clinging to the way I am now when I no longer have a desire to exist in this egoic mode. What possessed me both times was a profound sense of love and good will. This fear of possession seems to be my egos last resort to keep my consciousness ensnared. The idea that gets me every time is I remember how people say that the only way an entity can possess you is if you give it permission, I start wondering if I am accepting and surrendering to it, thats like giving it permission.

I had this fear Barnacle, it was really debilitating for me and a core issue that really had me suffer through my spiritual awakening because of it. In the end I was pushed forward by spirit guides who took me through the process step by step, to not only open to a greater picture and trust slowly, but also showed me what was real and what wasn't. Fear is a big hurdle to let go of when you have this fear. It took for guides to show me my own creation and a greater picture to let go and believe and trust fully I was totally supported all the way. Fear creates entities to be something to fear, yet within the whole of fear is the potential of love and trust too. Where you lay focus is what your creation often brings up. So its important to allow it all to arise, feel and let go if you can.

What I experienced a few days was acute awareness of the collective suffering of humanity and profound compassion, with the compassion was this power, I felt like I could drive through any obstacle with it. Now I am back in a low spiritual state and I can see my ego corrupting everything with its evil ways and I feel powerless to rise above it because my awareness has dropped to such a degree that I am not conscious enough of the ego to overcome it. The thing I feared as a kid, the idea of being possessed by an evil entity, I see that its been a reality all along. Being identified with the egoic mind is demonic possession. I see that love is the ultimate tool for freeing ones consciousness from this affliction. I understand that love is the natural state of unity, the reality beyond this illusion of separation. I just feel trapped and helpless to awaken from this nightmare of separation, I need to awaken to oneness and unity consciousness but I don't know how.

I have received really useful guidance from some of the people on this forum, but the part I struggle with is listening inside myself. I find meditation extremely difficult, the part I struggle with most is that I don't know if I'm making any progress with it or not. There are invisible forces pushing me towards this awakening, I embrace this fully now, without these forces I would have no hope. It is very disturbing to see how deeply ensnared many others are, they don't even realise they are trapped, let alone have any desire to escape the prison. They believe their choices determine how much they suffer, when in reality it is the degree to which they are imprisoned in this illusion of separation.

I am so profoundly grateful for all the help I have received in bringing me to this point of realisation of the need to awaken. I'm just struggling with not knowing how to make the leap. I'm trying to listen inside myself, but struggling with that aspect as I dont know how. I realise I need to start loving myself but again, I don't know how. The other day when I stepped into a state of heightened awareness, I saw myself in a way that had me crying it was so beautiful, that is so profoundly easy to love, but I need a certain level of awareness to even perceive myself in such a clear way. The ego cuts that awareness off.

I know J has offered you some good advice. The only other thing I would add is that, this is your process and every part of it is serving to support you through the whole unfolding. I can say this after having walked through this. Even though you fear, even though you don't know how to listen, as long as you listen to where to go and find support if you cant find it, its all there for you. Small steps help to stay present and not get overwhelmed with too much. That part is crucial and it was drummed into me by guides to not let myself get totally out of control. The closer you get to the core of your issues and fears, the more intense it becomes, the fight and flight response kicks in, and the feelings of losing control do get more intense as well. It is at those points where you can feel like something is taking over you, because your letting go of yourself to an empty place where there is nothing to hold onto. The shift, although scary, is really just a shift that opens you to feeling more at peace and ready to begin with clarity without those fears in place......