Hey, i'm a 23 male.
I'm kind of confused if it was something i imagined, something i was put into, or even guided through.
As i have only done 2 meditations my whole life, i have had some very strong experiences with it.
First i had an amazing kundalini meditation using binaural beats. this was around 3-4 years ago, in the middle of the night, basicly it was 3AM i had just seen the third eye opener "movie" with binaural beats.
As i was done watching the movie i sat in a full lotus. I then after 5-10 minuttes saw a man in a full lotus with a blue aura, hugging me. He pointed hes pointer fingers together and i tried the same, i could feel some magnetic pulse between, (wich i later figured was chi) a few seconds after i felt my full awareness on my spine, and i moved slowly up to my head, when i reached my head, It felt like an explotion of energy i guess. It felt good, and as i remember it i also saw like a picture of jesus buddha illuminati triangle you name it, just vanishing. I opened my eyes, and the room was wavy for a few seconds. i went to bed.
Reason i wrote that was because the next 9-12 months i was as it felt undergoing some spiritual change or perception change, and openness, alot of alone time, i had even sometimes seeing geomtry when laying in bed trying to sleep, like my brain was fully awake, i had some sort of spiritual sex when i "gave in" to the feeling of energy working on me.. as i thought.
So the second meditation was kinda weird..:
As i was browsing the forums where my last post was "I cant wait for the energy to work on my head! Because the sex thing was amazing" i wrote a new post stating "I know that nothing is possible, can anyone try to explain in good words how 'everything' is possible?"
as i was having more and more ego dumps by people on the forums, i startet to listen.
a guy wrote an amazing reply stating how everything was possible, it was like my ego had left, i was no longer 'stating a statement' i was more 'amazed' and suddenly, "bam"
I Spontainiously felt my self fall together, into a full lotus near my computer. I remember that i was not {Away; from my body} i was just percieving.
Basicly something in my brain sprung out like a tree of life, it felt like a chemical was released where people believe the third eye is. this happended instant. Then: with my eyes i saw a very almost animated beautiful energy that was spinning very slowly around itself, I had angst looking into this energy or what it was, it was greed red and yellow, with like a light background. I startet to feel my body and that i was breathing. and came back opened my eyes.
the thing is it was not something in my head (it felt like) it felt like i had this energy in me all the time. like my soul, like it was consistant and eternal. but these are thoughts i have had after, because i was not thinking when i saw the 'energy'
As i opened my eyes i felt like Prana was flowing through me, in my head in my body, giving me information 'true and false' then i rushed to the bathroom in my house, i instantly noticed my eyes, they were fantasy beautiful, green, the sparkle inside my eyes looked 'awake' like i have never seen so beautiful eyes and neither will i on any person, cause whoever has those eyes will be labeled as Jesus or buddha or someone high. because they were full of joy compassion.
i had an amazing feeling that i belonged in my body, like jason mraz in the song "im yours" i just felt alive present a form of blissful joy. a godlike feeling of stroling through with waves.
as i looked on my PC i checked google for whatever reason, as i believed i would get free information and truth, i instantly googled stuff, and it would come up with free books, and i imagined how the internet could help the future. And if we all had this amazing feeling, i would start to think if everyone had this in the future there would be what people call love, and not the kind of love and fear being spread today.
Well i opened the forum and startet to communicate with people, and they startet to say "your gonna be a mess when you come down" because i wrote alot of nonsense, the lines would be like this for instance:
I am you you are us
the life force is telling me to spread happiness..
i can understand why you dont see the truth.
but the truth is me and i am already there.
etc.
I dont have the original texts i wrote back then but i would love to find it, but it was something like that, but i stoppet writing as i felt i was spreading fear. So already there having kind of delusional thoughts, but i felt that was my ego not letting go.
well basicly that first night felt like my whole room was full of magic, so i turned on my TV, and guess what i saw, the old icon with a race car driving around for 24 minuttes. Like my childhood dream. i watched the channel like a little kid, wheeping tears of joy cause i felt i could identify with the car, not the driver. 'as a kid' but yet again delusional thoughts like "what happends at the 24 minutte, do i wake up will i die?"
Next day i woke up, called my friend, and seriously, he also had the same green beautiful never ending time eyes i had, we walked down in town, with a good mood, and the most amazing feeling ever as we met peopl the also had these 'enlightened eyes'. Then we took to the grillbar, and honestly, the 2 girls making our food was extremely beautiful the same 'wavy feeling almost dancing chatting smiling, they seemed human, but outher dimensional. I absorbed (in my head i thought so) Anxiety from my friend.
then he left and i went to bed, when he left i had even more delusional thoughts like "what if im in the shadow realm now and will meet demons, what if i will stop existing when i sleep"..
as i woke up i felt for the first time in my life energies in my room, i called them 'negative energys' cause they did not feel good around my collarbone, i ran to the woods, it was like 5am i wanted to wake up now like literally wake up now! i wanted these 'negative energies' to go away! it was like a magnetic field inside my room, i ran to the woods, and i could still feel it, and as my delusional thoughts was like "i am alone and trapped or something" tried to make sense. I jumped in the water, cause i thought it would wake me up. Nothing happended. i took home and went in the shower, and i had a new feeling "what if i can explore this" with no common sense saying you should contact the mental hospital..
So i went on a "trip" thinking about stealing cars, but didnt do it. (take the apple or dont right?) I got home and saw a motorbike club beside my house, startet to talk with them, jumped over the fence (i normally wouldent do) and just stared at those bike, imagine having no sense of reality yet being in reality where you dont know if it is real. yet i never saw anything other than the eyes and the things inside my head.
I would start to play with the delusional thoughts, try to telepathi on a cat that was locked in, as i again normally would not do, as i looked at the cat that was locked in, it just looked back at me, i thought it was scared to be locked in.
SO
i literally smashed the window 2 seconds after..
The police came 2 seconds after, and i was sent to the mental hospital, after a few days the eye color was gone, however i did experience some VERY weird things there :P
But yeah what was the energy? what was the pineal gland tree thing? why was this happening?
in my sense i think back at it and think it was an experience that i had to go though, weather its gods plan or will or whatever my own destiny i dont know heh. but i'm worried cause nobody else has seen this eye color that i have tried to research on the internet. neither the feeling, if its my own delusion i am amazed that its possible. without outher explination. But as i have been at the mental hospital, it feels like doctors etc do honestly not know alot from spiritual / mental planes of experience.. however it could have been just a mental issue. i just find it blessed/cursed that it happended to me.
Was this a way for my ego or mind to let myself know that 'there is more than you know'? or something like that?
=) Thanks if you read it
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