So Very Confused

Hello all. I apologize in advance, this post is kind of all over the place, my mind is going a mile a minute and I'm tired.

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 1yr. Now off and on. We have talked a lot about our future and we're 'unofficially engaged'. He's a great guy, but I'm feeling like he's just not for me. I can't help but feeling like there's someone out there that will vibe better with me and be a better match...

I understand that there are ups and downs in all relationships and that you might not like every little thing about your partner, but there are some things about him that I feel like I can't get over or 'deal' with. He's a great guy... He's loving, affectionate, thoughtful most of the time, and just wants to make me happy, but it's just too much for me sometimes. He can be clingy and I require space.

I'm beginning my spiritual path and feel as though I require A LOT of alone time & he can't handle that at times. I feel like I'm being held back in a way. I'm a pretty solitary person to begin with, although I do like to socialize. I feel like I need to surround myself with more like-minded people, but it seems all though there's no time for that with my work schedule and having to spend time with him (we just moved in together with his best friend, too).

The last time we broke up was for three months and I feel like I made a lot progress with myself during that time... I quit smoking, started meditating and exercising more, & eating healthier. Now I feel like I'm almost back at square one with everything. I think that my mom passing away a few months ago is what started the downward spiral. I felt the need for his comfort and called him & we've been back together ever since. It felt like we never broke up. Everything was wonderful for the first month. And now I'm having all of these feelings of uncertainty again...

I just don't know what to do. I feel like I want to go exploring and meet new people and see who and what else is out there & not be tied down at the moment. I need to find myself and be happy with myself before I can be happy with anyone else, I do know that.

Anyways, idk if I'm just having some commitment issues & it's just my mind messing with me, or if it's my higher self telling me that he just isn't right for me...

Any advice/words of wisdom/thoughts are greatly appreciated! :-)

Again, I apologize for the mixed, jumbled post, my mind is scattered.

Going to be awkward but you have to be honest. And you will find something of yourself in how you handle this. It certainly wouldn't be fair to lead your bf on - but it's up to you. Is he aware of your shifting feelings?

On the one hand, you may have outgrown him - no use pretending this doesn't happen. But then, as you say, we all have ups and downs - and even if he isn't the right man for you, you may have some slight trouble extricating yourself. Unless you've been on the wrong track all along you will have shared pleasurable times with him so you may find yourself missing the atmosphere in which these happened.

Good luck though. You'll need an amount of solitude to contemplate your spiritual path. Even so, that doesn't rule out relationships.

♀

[Selenphina]

Decide what you really want. As for his clingy nature, relationships often start that way. Breaking up and getting back together could exasperate that also. If e everything else is great, it might be worth it to see it through. As he's more secure, it is likely he will not want or need to spend so much time together. Make sure he knows how you feel about that. Listen to your heart. I wouldn't rule the whole thing out just yet unless you really are sure about that.

Hi, Elutton1. Your confusion is understandable here.

On one hand, you've given details about how good he is for you/to you.
On the other, you're feeling cramped (his clinginess) and knocked back to square 1 with resuming the relationship.

One of the trickiest things about intimate relationships is we sometimes mistakenly think we have to be joined at the hip; we have to like and do the same things, have the same social circles, the same goals. There is a line I remember from some kind of oracle stone toolkit - "Let the winds of heaven dance between you." Meaning, it's okay - and preferable! - to have some distance even in an intimate relationship. Two people may be a couple, but they are still individuals. And it sounds like you've done some really good growth when you were on your own and have solid ideas about who you are and where you want to go. A good partner can be a helpful guide and companion, but sometimes we need to travel part of our journey alone. We can always meet up with our loved one at the next rest stop!

what do you think - is the relationship good for you, how it stands right now, to stay in it until further notice ... yet claim your individual/private space within the relationship to continue doing your spiritual growth work? This will probably require a caring discussion with your partner, so he doesn't feel threatened and start tightening his grip and make you feel even more smothered.

Also, please accept my tender sympathy for the passing of your Mom. I hope you continue finding comfort through the grief and cherish the love tucked deep inside your heart.

[Ascension]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 1yr. Now off and on.
We have talked a lot about our future and we're 'unofficially engaged'. He's a great guy,
but I'm feeling like he's just not for me. I can't help but feeling like there's someone out there
that will vibe better with me and be a better match...

Patience is a virtue , great things happen for those
who are willing to wait .
but always remember who was there for you when you needed it .

P.s : Sorry for your mom , xXx ...

[Clover]

Your soul is always speaking, listen to it. It's that little voice in your head that is poking at you. It's that little tug in your gut that is telling you something isn't quite right. Listen to it.

Being engaged and planning for a wedding is exciting in the moment, but with marriage comes great responsibility. You have to think in terms of longevity if your heading that route. You have been with him for 1 whole year and you are already feeling doubt. This is why time and taking things slow is very wise and healthy, and your doing that,so good for you, you have an idea what makes you happy. No need to jump into marriage if your still figuring out what works for you as an adult.

I was married when I was 25, I don't think I knew who I really was at that age. I had just graduated college and was going along with the staus quo, as most women do in their 20's. Understand that children and marriage do not change or improve your partner or your "happiness". He will be the same person today that he will be 15 years from now, so accept that now.The difference is, you guys will be accountable for bigger responsibilities like children, mortgages, bills.
Most importantly, know who you are and what you want before you jump into a situation, especially if your uncertain about it


P.S. I am so sorry to read about your mom. I have a little 5 year old girl, she is my life. I would tell her... take your time, see the world and explore it; there is so much too see! Live life to the fullest and greatest potential, and most importantly, do what makes YOU happy.

Ditto to what Blue Clover said.

Listen to yourself at a deep level. You said: He's a great guy,
but I'm feeling like he's just not for me.

IMO, if you're marrying someone, there can be problems, but you should definitely feel like this is the right person for you.

Also, ask yourself: Am I improving emotionally and spiritually with this person, or going the other direction?

Death of your mother is certainly making it tougher to work through. Very sorry for your loss.

Finally, meditate and pray for the "right" answer for all involved. It will come.

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Going to be awkward but you have to be honest. And you will find something of yourself in how you handle this. It certainly wouldn't be fair to lead your bf on - but it's up to you. Is he aware of your shifting feelings?

On the one hand, you may have outgrown him - no use pretending this doesn't happen. But then, as you say, we all have ups and downs - and even if he isn't the right man for you, you may have some slight trouble extricating yourself. Unless you've been on the wrong track all along you will have shared pleasurable times with him so you may find yourself missing the atmosphere in which these happened.

Good luck though. You'll need an amount of solitude to contemplate your spiritual path. Even so, that doesn't rule out relationships.

♀

I know it's not. I agree with you about my missing the atmosphere when we do have good times. We did just have a conversation about me being distant. I brought up that I felt like we moved too fast as far as moving in together, and that I feel like I'm being held back in a way b/c I need to focus my energy on my spiritual journey. He said not to let him stand in my way.

I find myself dreading when he comes home sometimes. It seems that I'll be in a good mood and as soon as he walks in the door, my energy shifts. I'm thinking that I need solitude right now.

Thank you all for your thoughts and the condolences.

93,

It seems beyond obvious that your relationship isn't working out...