Commitments and Expectations

[Quest]

I agree Mattie. Everyone has to find what works for them.

I have been doing LOTS of work on myself since being in touch with my TF again. He is triggering all kinds of processes and memories, facing my fears, listening to my heart, healing at a very deep level. Some of it is uncomfortable at first, but I long for this deep healing.

Originally Posted by Quest

I have come to realize that I don't gain anything by asking people in my life to commit to things, be it relationships or any other thing in life. The same goes for expectations. I have recently managed to remove myself from the sense of having to commit to something, or someone, "for life" or for however long. I think I'm on my way to understanding what it really means to live in the NOW, and to let go of fears. Doesn't the need for commitment come from our deep routed fears of the future?
What if you don't care about the future anymore but instead go with the flow, accept and enjoy what's there right now rather than worrying about the future. I think it would take a lot of pressure off of couples. And maybe this whole concept of commitment is what splits couples up in the first place. What is it good for? It only enables us to cope with fears rather than being in the now and realizing that fears are images in our heads. I found a new sense of freedom since I have detached from the concept of commitment and expectations.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on commitments and expectations. Right now, for me this relates to relationships, but it can refer to anything in life, really.

Living in constant awareness or in the Now, you still know what you need to do in the future, but it doesn't happen with thoughts caught up in time if that makes sense. It's like you know what you need to do, but don't fret about the future. You said it. Go with the flow, accept. That's all there is to know to live in awareness. Eventually awareness becomes habit and thoughts in time seem foreign to you. Habits are formed by repetition. Yet repetition needs to be repeated, which is not necessary with awareness. Only to someone new to the game does. I always say go with your first thought. Don't ever contradict a thought. It'll bring you in a state of awareness.

Originally Posted by sesheta

When it comes to love, however....I do commit myself fully once I decide that the person is worth the commitment. I still don't necessarily have any real "expectations" other than to be treated with respect, kindness, etc. like I would from anyone else.
So I find it hard not to commit to something or someone, but find it easier to not have expectations....if that makes any sense at all, lol :)

I commit to seeing people for who they truly are, not how I want or need to see them. For me, that is the very definition of love. In that regard, I find it easy to commit to people. Anyone and everyone. But that's not to say that such commitments are easy; they are not. It takes constant self-awareness and reflection to ensure you are not seeing them the way you need or want to see them (rosy colored glasses), or prejudging and making assumptions.

I do not have "expectations" that a person must treat me with respect, kindness etc.... however I definitely have *preferences* and if someone does not treat me kindly and respectfully, I will prefer to spend very little time with them.

Expectations, I find, are a sure-fire way to set yourself up for disappointment. But they are sneaky things and even when I think I have no expectations, I'll discover I do. Usually because I wind up disappointed, or having some other experience of negative feelings. I would love to say I find it easy not to have expectations, but the reality is, there are those pesky hidden ones... so for me it is a constant process of discovering them, then letting them go.

Expectations, I find, are a sure-fire way to set yourself up for disappointment. But they are sneaky things and even when I think I have no expectations, I'll discover I do. Usually because I wind up disappointed, or having some other experience of negative feelings. I would love to say I find it easy not to have expectations, but the reality is, there are those pesky hidden ones... so for me it is a constant process of discovering them, then letting them go.

Well said :) I agree - it's not that I never find myself having expectations, I'm just finding it easier to let go of them when they don't match reality! It does take work, though, but for some reason I'm finding that easier to do as I get older....