Am i going crazy??

[Babe bambino]

Just to start off im not in the best of mental health i have a family history of schizophrenia and possible mood disorders. Sometimes my behavior is questionably mania. That being said,recently ive felt strongly inclined to a past celeb crush of mine who passed away yearsss ago. Ive been seeing angel numbers for the past year but right now i see the numbers 44 11 or 23 which is the age he died sometimes backwards. Whenever i think of him i get so depressed and i feel his energy somehow its like i have a deep love for him almost like he is my twin flame but my intuition says that hes not. Whilst listening to a song of his i cried and saw another song that said dont cry as soon as i scrolled down on youtube like legit perfect timing that was very creepy. Ive also been seeing his surname everywhere and its an uncommon surname like for real. Ive felt "connections" to people ive liked before but this is spiritual i know it. Part of me feels like im going crazy. For the past couple of days ive been trying to get him out of my mind i have trouble sleeping and if i fantasize about another guy i feel so guilty like i feel like im betraying this person. He doesnt even know me but i feel like i know him and at the same i feel like i know very little.