can't take it anymore

Hey Moke,
I am so sorry for all your pain. You have helped me and I know you are a good soul. If there is anything I can do, I am there/here.

Sending you love...I know I can do that much. My husband continues to improve and I know you had something to do with it. You will be cared for too. Keep the faith as you have instructed us to do.

I know it is hard but we both have to, now don't we?

Hang in there and know that you are loved - by me, my husband and obviously by many others on this forum.

Take care of yourself. You are a special person who deserves the best.

[Spiritlite]

Moke is a special person and deserves the best.
Spiritlite.

Hey Moke, I'm going to be honest ... I don't think I can help you but I can tell you that I sympathize intensely and greatly with you. You sound just like me. What you described is almost just the way I feel on a daily basis as well. I'm sorry you feel so much pain. I really am. I wish I could find a way to send you all the love in the world! I hope in some kind of way, God can send you all my love. I don't think it will be enough ... but I just want you to know that you are not alone in how you feel. You are NOT. I feel just like you on a daily basis as well ... I have done things to harm myself in different ways ... but am too much of a coward to really take that leap into the unknown..

Just know that there are people in this world who do care so much about you and they would be so heartbroken if you departed this Earth. You are probably such a beautiful soul ... and the world needs more of that . More of that spiritual beauty. More of that blunt honesty that you portrayed so well on here. I know the pain is overtaking you ... I know. I feel just like you ... but you must keep going on. You MUST. I'm sure that there are beautiful things awaiting you in your future ... but you will never know what they are if you leave this Earth. You will never know all of what life has for you if you leave and take that leap into the unknown. You should stay and fight the good fight . fight the forces of negativity and prove that you are stronger and much more powerful . Stay and share the love from within your beautiful spirit to the rest of the world. Show the negative forces of this world that they are WRONG. Show everyone..
..And it's not even about all that . What it's mostly about is YOU. Don't let the evil forces in this world bring you all the way down. We all trip and sometimes even fall but never stay down. Know in your heart that the pain and suffering that you unfairly endured is only temporary. I know it feels like a repeating cycle ... the pain first then the joy ... then the pain again. I know exactly what you mean because my life is the same way . But I am nothing. I have no purpose in this world and I lack ambition greatly ... but I think YOU can pull through.........you can..

All my love is with and sincerely to you. I hope you feel better soon...you can pm me if you want but you don't have to. I just wish you the absolute best and all of my love and tenderness is with you. <3

[Sapphirez]

have you tried eft? was it after this last episode of badness that you learned how strong your healing powers are?

[astralsuzy]

I am sorry to hear of your pain. I am sure the other people have good advice for you. I do not have time to read it. I would advise you if you have not done it already and that is GET RID OF THE GUN. It is too easy when you are in a down mood and to be thinking of the gun. I will shoot myself. In Australia it is a lot hard to own a gun and not many people have guns.

Moke, thank you for sharing your inner most feelings.Please never apologised for telling us how your feeling at given times.I felt your pain reading your story and part of me just wanted to let you know that you are loved by many.I cannot begin to understand the depth of despair that you feel at times.I hope that you continue to find answers to the questions you are asking.
When my world fell apart a friend said to me:mate i love ya and respect ya but what the hell are ya doing licking ya wounds when ya could be out here having fun.......That sentence was the turning point of me getting better.
I hope you too find something to help...good luck

Hi Moke...

I have felt like you before. I use to cut myself to "numb" the pain of how I was feeling as a very young teenager (now 21), I use to make myself throw up and only stopped recently (I have been bulimic for about 7 years now) I use to be anorexic which drove me to the edge then became over weight which put me into a depression, at one stage I didn't leave the house for 3 weeks, I didn't want to go to work because I never felt confident or good enough because I let those around me dictate my experience of feeling un worthy from all the judgment and put downs and them thinking I am crazy for the things I believed and much more. I became diagnosed with anxiety and have had many medical problems....

What I have come to understand is this. Take a moment, to sit by yourself and allow everything that depresses you, holds you back, puts you in fear or darkness and more and allow all of those things to arise to the surface. Then in that instant, fully immerse yourself in them and feel them, cry if you must, let it all out, scream, then open your eyes, look at yourself in the mirror and realize the little child inside of you who is hurting and needs to be nurtured. Just think, if you were to go back in time as you are now and see yourself as a baby in it's cot looking up at the ceiling, so innocent, so fragile, so un touched, so happy, how would you feel? I know I always feel like I want to protect that baby, love it, nurture it and I would tell it that it was the most amazing being in this entire universe and that it can do and be ANYTHING and that I loved it and would protect it as if it were my own for the rest of my life!

This is what has helped me to release SO much. When you can face those things that have put you in a dark place, fully feel them and then release them and take a good look at your inner self, I believe that is when healing can be done. There are still going to be dark days but remember this, in everything there is a lesson to be learned and a gift to be found out of each which is something I have come to learn as well...For example, along with my life's purpose, I have learnt that if it wasn't for me going through these things and so many different levels of emotion and experience that I wouldn't be able to understand people and now, I feel like I can uplift and give advice and guidance to SO many people because I have been there and felt and done that and that is something so special. There are so many others out there hurting like you, we all are and if we could only see that we are no different in those ways and can find the gift of helping others through out struggles by connecting with them and showing them that they can rise like you can this world would be such a different place and in healing others you'll find you heal yourself as well. I hope this has helped and if you feel none of this has resonated with you that is fine also :)

I truly send my love and understanding and deep compassion to you but I know that if you can face these things, learn and release them that you are going to be such a bright beacon of hope and change in this world and a light to help guide humanity out of the things that DO NOT work ♥

Also, try and focus on the things that ARE going right even in the tiniest of ways. Get out amongst nature, feel the sunlight, really feel it's warmth and know that is source energy, love. The sun is such an amazing generator and you'll be surprised at how you feel. When you feel that things are getting too much, what I like to do is, go for a run, sing, write poetry, watch some cartoons or something I can remember that made me happy from my childhood and then once I'm past it all, I just take a moment of peace and smile :) then find what I have learnt from that and take it on board and know I can help serve humanity in some way and that makes me feel even happier :)...Also, the heart pulpitations, I totally understand what you mean and that took me 2 years to get over...When I do feel them which I don't anymore but when I do, I personally always make a joke to myself and say "Oh gosh here goes my silly heart" and laugh :)It works