Child in the hospital, really scared and not talking

WindWater · #1 23-12-2016, 01:11 PM

Hey everyone,
I was hoping to find some people in here, with some more experience then me, when it is about having a child that has to be in the hospital for a while.

What has happened:
My partners son, 15 years old, was admitted to the hospital a couple of days ago. He had an appendicitis that had ruptured, and went into surgery right away.
He has mild ppd-nos, which is barely noticeable usually, because he is a very openhearted, cheerful, talkative child, with lots of friends.
But now I think it is giving him some extra trouble un-top of the physical challenge he is facing.

The ruptured appendicitis is giving complications, his body is clearly still in a serious state of battle against everything that is going on inside, and he is not going home anytime soon. He cannot control any of it of course, everything 'just happens' and there is no structure to it. Including things like diarrhea that he cannot control, and things that are very 'horrible' for a 15 year old boy. And of course all the nurses and doctors that do things that are scary. He appears just scared to his bones, and hidden deep inside himself.
He gets a lot of medication against pain, and is being cared for very well, the nurses are absolutely wonderful.

But,.. he is completely inside himself, does not talk, barely responds to questions, does not explain what kind of pain he feels (or other things). When family visits he only greets them with his hand and really does not talk with them. And he does not want to eat. When friends visit he does not talk with them either, just waves his hand and that's it.
He is getting food through an iv because he does not eat.

I think he is very scared and lost. But if he does not talk, its very hard to help. His mother and father make sure one of them is always by his side, and they stay during the nights. He wanted that. He is physically able to talk and move about, he can walk to the toilet (with one person giving some support on one side, and with a nurse really telling him to go and try it (at the moment its really important to have bowel movements, so he has to try)).

I was just wondering, how others have dealt with situations like this. How do you help your child to deal with it all psychologically. Is not talking and not eating something that happens often? I am just so worried that if we cannot break down that wall a bit, it really turns into a traumatic problem for him, that could stay with him much longer.
He is such a beautiful, openhearted child, naive about live (because he is just 15) and now he has seen some of the scary stuff that life holds as well. Its a big mental adjustment to make. His old day routine and structure would be really good for him, but of course that is not possible right now.

I was wondering what others have experienced, and what kind of things helped their child to overcome the psychological challenge easier.

Snow Goose · #2 23-12-2016, 05:29 PM

Aw WW :-(

Couldnt not reply. So sorry for you all this must be awful. I wish I had some amazing words from experience for you but unfortunately I don't.

It must be quite a scarey experience for your step son, he is maybe taking everything in and is quite overwelmed also stick a big dose of pain plus strong painkillers ontop of that I can understand why he isnt saying much.

It sounds like you are all doing everything you can and im sure he will come out the otherside ok, he will never forget that is mum and dad have never left his side throughout.

Best wishes to you all and I hope your step son has a speedy recovery.

WindWater · #3 23-12-2016, 10:56 PM

Snow Goose,
Thank you so much for your reply.
You are right about the pain, and the pain killers, it definitely numbs him.
But he also seems so much turned inwards, and his eyes so hopeless. I cannot feel/find is spark, so to say.

He got a feeding tube today, through his nose. They use it to drain bile from his stomach. He was very distressed about it. Not so much the procedure of putting it in, but letting it stay in afterwards.
I hope though, that it lifts some of the stomach upset, so that he relief makes him understand why they did it.
Tomorrow they will give him food through it, which will hopefully stay in.

There has been a conversation with the nurses about his ppd-nos today, to ask them if they can sort of try to create more structure in what they do every day. So that he knows what is coming and when. Maybe that will help a bit.
There are more kids there of course, so they cannot promise it will always work out. But he can understand that I think.

Patrycia-Rose · #4 24-12-2016, 12:18 PM

Hello WindWater

I'd like to suggest you buy some Australian Bush Flower Essence - Emergency Rescue, this is just the kind of thing it's designed to help with. I don't what area you're in but Neal's Yard sell it, and possibly your local health food shop. I've used myself many a time and recommended it to friends who've used it to help with various emergencies.

Colorado · #5 28-12-2016, 01:53 AM

PDD-NOS....is that a form of Autism....I know that they're are a lot of kids on the Autism spectrum who are diagnosed with this. Maybe he is just taking it easy, and dealing with everything. This simplest thing you can do is ask him...instead of going about prodding or trying to fix it, just as k him. Are you scared? How do you feel, do you have any anxiety? Make it very simple, he's a boy...so ask him in short sentences and then take it from there. Don't just assume by his behavior, he could just be over stimulated by all the people and things going on. ask him...so you know for sure.

Rozie · #6 28-12-2016, 05:06 AM

I imagine that is his way of coping, to turn inward. He does have an inner world that might be his security blanket at this time.

I would be worried. I would try to keep him engaged with things he likes, at least some of the time.

Really! · #7 28-12-2016, 06:58 AM

A 15yr old male is at an age when he's learning to internalize his feelings - he might just need his privacy to work them out on his own ...
I recall my late husband talking about males not sharing their feelings/fears, I kept having to remind myself of this when our sons were not openly grieving when he died - just about made me crazy watching them bottle it up ...
My youngest son was in play therapy to release as well as demonstrate his feelings ...
He did it for 2yrs before he started talking about Dad's death ...

Sending prayers for all. ..

abston67 · #8 28-12-2016, 07:51 AM

I had the same issues when I was ten and in the hospital for an operation. I felt I had no control and thought I was being punished by someone higher and it was my fault. My parents brought me things from home that brought me some ease and it opened me up some. I still had trust issues with the nurses and such. I would give him some space and just be near by when you are needed. Also, make him feel like he has some control by being honest and letting him express his thoughts.