The story behind and of my mediumship experiences

I had a really hard time deciding whether to put this under channeling or general beliefs but decided on here.

I will start with a little background.Since a child I started doing some odd things such as sleep walking I also would see energy waves in the air much like a t.v on a fuzzy screen but faded out.My doctor dismissed this as being tired (sleep deprivation.When I was 14 years old because of sexual abuse/my mom divorcing my father and my mom being schizophrenic she was extremly violent towards me.I did something in despair and took over 100 pills of her medication.I feel into a 3 day coma and upon waking saw my first vision.It was of flames surrounding me with cockcroaches.I was terrified I was going to hell as I had come into this world being catholic and later penecostal and baptist.I did not see anything after for 3 years till I was 17.I did another sin and cheated on my horrible daddy figure boyfriend at the time.What I saw was to give me guilt.My boyfriend stood before me then for 2 seconds changed to the person I was unfaithful with.I really did not give it much thought and carried on with life.My teens and childhood were not very happy times for me and I found myself falling in love again at 19.I missed my father greatly and once again chose a much older man (daddy figure)He was very abusive and by age 20 7 years after my first suicide attempt I did it again.This time spending $1000 on "yellow butterfies" a type of extacy.I was sure this would end my life that had been miserable since birth.Despite all the pills I took I awoke the next day and was black and blue all over my legs I could not stand and the ambulance had to lift me to the stretcher.Luckily I had taken so much that while out of it for a day I had thrown alot of them up as my stomach could not handle it.Thank God.I left the hospital without permission as I felt better and hated hospitals.What I experienced next was nuts.I was still very weak and my legs hurt to much to stand.So I sat in a waiting room in the hospital and tried to contact a friend to come and get me through my cell phone.I could not dial.I would try and try and the phone would just malfunction.I thought nothing of it and went to use the payphone.It worked fine and my friend came to pick me up.All was was well.I stayed with the friend then I began to feel like my 2 ex boyfriends were outside talking about me.I let this go to and explained it with my overdose as extacy was known to cause hallucinations.I carried on my life and never thought about it again till I turned 27 and finally I felt like I was in control of my life.I feel in love again this time with someone online.I read that he died and felt like I had been talking to a stranger.Then I started to hear his voice outside the window.I( loved it I welcomed it even if I thought he was deceased.Then the voice turned mean a month later and started picking on my previous flaws in life.I became paranoid and could not sleep.I decided to visit a doctor and recieved sedatives.I could not deal with the voices and visions still and once again I took them all and fell asleep for a day when I awoke I felt fine.But everything increased.This time for a month a voice made me confess all my sins over and over till I was overwhelmed with guilt and would cry in shame.I stayed inside for 2 months and it did not stop.Things started to disapear and it was usually my cell phone or my id or purse or keys.The voices became louder and meaner.My power was constantly burning out and I was constantly being judged on my sins.I could not use the telephone and felt an energy surrounding my body that was causing my skin to break out in rash.I kept hearing "turn off the circuitry.So one day after my microwave burned out I did just so and began to fast on raw food and live like a mennanite.During this time after much confession I watched what was like a movie the final verdict being I was a "beautiful disastor the term for someone who enters heaven"They also told me a voodoo priestess has a heart mumor for the rest of her life.I chose to study voodoo as I knew nothing.This went on for months and I could not carry on with my life as I had done previously.I quit work to study all religions full time after the 4th month of intense audio's and visuals dispite being still christian I was told I was to be the church of satans medium.I hated it.Things just became worse for me.I began to feel possessed and awoke on one occassion to have an out of body experiece this one being paralyzed uplifted in the air and flies swarming in my mouth and around my body.I could actually taste them.I said stop please "I love you" qand was released.I then went to the library and spent my days studying satanism.I learned that what had attacked me was probaly a spirit called baalzebub"lord of the flies"Now after this attack even though I viewed it as an out of body experience I could not shake the feeling of temporary possession as I broke out in a rash covering my entire chest upon waking.I phoned my mom crying even though we did not get along.She told me last night she had dreamt of a dirty old man surrounded with flies and told him to leave her alone and go to me.As I said we did not get along.I felt she had cursed me as my mom did practise witchcraft.Funny things began to happen after.I always felt like something was in my body.My arms would raise up quickly when I tried to sleep.My neck would jerk as whiplashed.It along with the voices disscussing/teaching me only prompted me to study more.This lasted for 4 years of my life the last year the spirits would begin to tell me their names and give me imformation.Before they ridiculed me and brought me to tears through guilt of infidelity and suicide.They have become my mentor and are very painful towards me and evil.At one point while I gained knowlege my head felt the intensity of electric shock treatment for a year.Only once did one take pity on me it told me to study the pressure points to deal with it.So I did and this extreme pain that I became accustom to over time went away.I have been the body of many unexplainable entity's since 27.All of them evil but at the same time through possession have given me great knowledge.I to this day wonder if perhaps I had not commited suicide and commited infidelity if I would have been medium to good spirits instead of evil.I am happy to say I have not felt suicidal or depressed since I have been 27.I guess I have matured.I also no longer get posessed to the point where my arms flail or neck twists.I still hear them and things they say prompt my studies.However I do practise in holier things such as native spirituality and mormonism.Because I have studied so many faith's over my life now.I have decided to interwine them and can no longer call myself a full fledge christian.Through suicide and my unfaithfulness I became the medium to forces that were harmful but gave me knowledge.I hope my story helps anyone who thinks twice about suicide as the one thing I am thankful for is now I have went through such painful experiences that I will never forget how wrong it is.I am very thankful for that.Maybe in the future through cleansing my soul I will be a medium to sources of light.In reality because of my hurtful experience I would wish not to be one at all.My ultimate respect goes towards those who enjoy it.

FOLLOW UP
After writing this I awoke the next day to something smelling foul in the air.It turned out to be my jacket the whole sleeve was wet with what smelled like cat spray.This happened to me once before during my 4 years of hardship I went to lay on the bed to discover a huge area that smelled the same.The past week I have read the lesser keys of solomon and the keys of solomon book one.The magic to be truthful intrest me and I was able to read of 72 demons which I began to see traits from my dreams and visions with clairaudience.Because of the spray incident yesterday I began to think perhaps the christian faith's are not all hocus pocus and I think it may still be possible that maybe these things have been made real by the followers.Still I know they exist.Some of my unpleasent visits stem from judism writing it appears something I am starting to focus on now and the talmud which I've read nothing of.Last night when I went to sleep I saw dark shadowy figures with my eyes closed and felt by studying the keys and telling my story I had brought myself back to what may turn into something unpleasent.Today I found myself with a renewed faith.I did an exorcism bathing ceremony and prayed using the names of god and the angels found in the keys of solomon.I blessed my clothing then proceeded to my bed to meditate in relaxation pose.I asked the creator to show me the truth and what I saw was light behind my eyes and for the first time ever a word.It said TAASHUR in big letters.I looked it up on wikipedia and found it stems from isaiah being a place in Israel.Michael is the Angel used for protection against demons in the lesser keys of Solomon and is the protector of Israel.That is all I can make of it.But I have to say not to dismiss the creator/or it's demons as for some reason the higher power or god of this world does not want me too.I now now I have to study the Talmud and Judism and I am comforted that the exorcised water worked well for now and am excited that maybe one day after more study I may be medium to something of light.This is only a little but what I found when I looked up TAASHUR it is hebrew and I do not speak hebrew translated to english http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taashur Isaiah 41 called the helper of Isreal.I am reading it now trying to make sense of the message.http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...41&version=NIV

See I do this all the time and I believe because of how I precieve things that is how messages are given to me.I read Isaiah 41 and see that it has to do with the summoning of the east and north spirit.I am not going to go into detail but all I can say is it is found in the Solomon writings.It talks of false idols which are demons in the Solomon writings and the downfall of a king.So what I did the past hour was research the current politics of Israel.I hate politics but I see Abduhlla the king has just come back from being ill in the u.s to find protests much like egypt,A number of leaders have been ousted and I see he will not allow churches to be built apparently only mosques.From this all I get that perhaps he will fall as king or bend his will and churches will be allowed to open in Israel and Judiasm may have to reconsider the possible coming of jesus.I know I'm looking deep but that is what I feel is the message after researching Isaiah,politics and my spiritual message.This is the way my mind works and the higher power knows the way it ticks so very well.Also I am to give no credit to the evil of my past for imformation as it is all an illusion.

Today I am really excited after reading the israel news.Just like in Isaiah 41 where the poor are hungry and need aid King Abduhlla has done something generous.In Isaiah 41 it say's the people are poor and lacking of aid but will be provided for.Today I read the king just donated 37 billion to the lower and middle class.I am amazed that the spirit pointed me towards this chapter and how the past is playing out the same way.I am truly exited to see what else may come true from the past into the present moulding the future.Glued to Israel news now.