How do you deal with people who slam on your beliefs

[annabelle239]

I'm very upset and in tears now. Twice now,i was in a place of expressing myself authentically and trying to be open and got shut down out of nowhere and a bunch of a variety of insults thrown at me. It hurts that someone could be that cold. The small minded people seem to have disdain for those with more wide views. First,i had tried explaining one thing to her(this is my mom all the her i am referring to),and she sent me a bunch of insults and i got so angry,i flipped out at her for her crazy things she said. And,then,today I was in a good place,and happy and shared the ADC i recieved today,thinking she maybe not believe it but at least would be tolerant. Instead I got the rudest text that made want to burst into tears. I don't know how people can be so mean and intolerant. First,she couldn't understand i'm still grieving and expected it to be over it within a week. I had to explain to her it's been less then 2 months. Less then 2 months! She knows this,too. I don't have depression. It's called grief!
With the text tonight,after I told her about the ADC,she just replied "Get a job."

Ok,keep in my mind. I am in my 20's. I do not live with her. I have my own place. I work several jobs(i'm not a 9-5er,i work freelance and have several things I do). I have friends. I have interests and passions,more then I can do all at once. Admittedly,money had been a bit slow as grief did set me back. I know that's not an excuse,I should be better then that,but I am just being honest.Also,it's not her business as I don't get any money in any way from her. Also,she is the one who always is asking me for things. Asking to borrow money,and food,etc,etc. And,she is going to have to have the nerve to say these insults to me?!
I just really needed to vent in a private place about this. It's just really upsetting. The first text that insulted me the other day was when I was trying to explain to her how my mind goes OCD sometimes and she tells me I have depression,need to go to a doctor and get medicine and get some hobbies and a job. This is so so so rude! I do not have depression! At all. I blog on spiritual matters about healing and how I haven't had depression in so long. I'm normally a happy and optimistic individual who encourages others to be happier and find the happiness. I also believe in self healing. I'm grieving right now and she accuses me of depression and basically saying i'm just bored and need a hobby and job. Yeah,that's what it is. With my various jobs,interests,and friends,and goals in life,i'm just bored and it's making me depressed. Yep,exactly. I don't see how anyone can be so obnoxious.I'm grieving and doing damn well in my opinion and my best friend agrees to.
I know people have different beliefs but I did not think someone would be so obnoxious about it and mean. I deleted her number from my phone. I won't be talking to her ever again. I mean,seriously,i am happy and tell her i got an ADC from my cat and she replies get a job.
It proves more and more to me how much when people act out,it is them. It really is. She is the one who is always bored and telling me how bored she is. She is broke and looking for a job. She has been saying she has no friends. And,then she says all these grossly wrong presumptuous things to me. It hurts when someone you opened up to a little bit over the past weeks does all this.

You don't seem to be asking for opinions, I hope by venting here it made you feel better. Don't take what your mom says so personally, likely you're right about her, it would be best to avoid her for awhile, do you have anyone else you could talk to that would be understanding?

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Just remember that there is no limit in the duration of time when in the process of grieving. Its an individual process. Nobody has the right to tell you to get over it. For some people, grieving may be a short duration, for others it may last a long time. So, give yourself permission to get thru the process your way. Its your healing, nobody else's.

I wouldn't shut your mom off completely. But, I have a mom that also doesn't get me, nor has she ever truly tried to get me. I have come to her time and time again, thinking she would be a soft place to land, but I always felt worse than before I went to her in the first place. Instead of truly listening to the messages I was trying to get across, I was usually met with judgement. So, that would throw me deeper into a tizzy.

I have to remind myself that she is wired differently than me as well. She is conservative and life must be xyz in order to live happily. But, life is not that black and white.

People like us see and view the world on a whole different level that I suspect most people are afraid to even consider its realm of possibility.

There's nothing wrong with how you view the world, nor is it wrong the way your mom does either. Everyone has their own views.

The trick, at least in my case, is letting go. I finally stopped opening up my heart and wounds to my mom. I recently did reopen myself again to her in a desperate need to communicate things that have happened lately....I wasn't planning on it. In fact, I called to leave a birthday wish for her the day before her birthday, because I didn't want to risk getting a hold of her on her actual birthday and ruin the day for her. I was hoping to quickly leave a voice message and be done. Well, she picked up the phone in the middle of my message and I was so emotionally distraught, I melted. I reopened myself up and ended up in excruciating pain after our conversation was done. I kicked myself for being so weak as to entrust those raw feeling again. In hind sight, I should have just let her be and my birthday card in the mail be the only thing said. For both of us, I think that would have been best.

I'm not saying don't talk to your mom. Just be selective on what you share with her. You can't force someone to open their eyes to see things they don't want to see, or hear things they don't want to hear.

I know...I know all too well....its supposed to be a natural thing.....its supposed to be easy for child and parent to get each other. Sadly, I just don't think that is the case in some instances. It hurts. I know it hurts bad. You want that connection with your mom. I did too. I really did. But, we just see the world differently.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

[annabelle239]

Originally Posted by yumi14

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Just remember that there is no limit in the duration of time when in the process of grieving. Its an individual process. Nobody has the right to tell you to get over it. For some people, grieving may be a short duration, for others it may last a long time. So, give yourself permission to get thru the process your way. Its your healing, nobody else's.

I wouldn't shut your mom off completely. But, I have a mom that also doesn't get me, nor has she ever truly tried to get me. I have come to her time and time again, thinking she would be a soft place to land, but I always felt worse than before I went to her in the first place. Instead of truly listening to the messages I was trying to get across, I was usually met with judgement. So, that would throw me deeper into a tizzy.

I have to remind myself that she is wired differently than me as well. She is conservative and life must be xyz in order to live happily. But, life is not that black and white.

People like us see and view the world on a whole different level that I suspect most people are afraid to even consider its realm of possibility.

There's nothing wrong with how you view the world, nor is it wrong the way your mom does either. Everyone has their own views.

The trick, at least in my case, is letting go. I finally stopped opening up my heart and wounds to my mom. I recently did reopen myself again to her in a desperate need to communicate things that have happened lately....I wasn't planning on it. In fact, I called to leave a birthday wish for her the day before her birthday, because I didn't want to risk getting a hold of her on her actual birthday and ruin the day for her. I was hoping to quickly leave a voice message and be done. Well, she picked up the phone in the middle of my message and I was so emotionally distraught, I melted. I reopened myself up and ended up in excruciating pain after our conversation was done. I kicked myself for being so weak as to entrust those raw feeling again. In hind sight, I should have just let her be and my birthday card in the mail be the only thing said. For both of us, I think that would have been best.

I'm not saying don't talk to your mom. Just be selective on what you share with her. You can't force someone to open their eyes to see things they don't want to see, or hear things they don't want to hear.

I know...I know all too well....its supposed to be a natural thing.....its supposed to be easy for child and parent to get each other. Sadly, I just don't think that is the case in some instances. It hurts. I know it hurts bad. You want that connection with your mom. I did too. I really did. But, we just see the world differently.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

I just feel it'd be so much easier for us to not talk. It seems better that way for people like us..i wasn't trying to convert her beliefs just for her to be at least tolerant. Just earlier,i had texted her too telling her how i appreciate how much she loves her children,and is kind to animals and that she was the one who saved my cat by adopting her back years ago. I was trying to see the good in her and be peace. She said thank you. Then this..I actually am wondering if she is drunk sending that. It just sucks. I was in such a good mood and then this,and now it's blurred all my perceptions again on things. :( I obviously can not ever talk about this stuff again to people unless i know they are more open..i never knew people could be so harshly against things. My work friend is open. She brought up certain things even before me about how she believes in certain things. I wasnt sure I did,but was listening,and polite and intrigued and appreciated her open mind. My best friend believes in some things I do,but not all,but is always supportive no matter what. It's just bizarre to me. If someone had beliefs that were non harmful that made them feel good,i wouldn't be so mean,if i didn't agree. I'd at least be polite. I agree with you about letting go and i'm sorry you have issues with your mom,too. It can feel like a slap in the face. :( I remember at times my mom would literally randomly snap at me quite coldly and i'd feel like bursting into tears instantly. It's funny how the universe put us in the same family. I'm a very sensitive sort,always known to cry very easily ever since I was born,and my mother is a cold individual who can be harsh at times.

Originally Posted by annabelle239

I just feel it'd be so much easier for us to not talk. It seems better that way for people like us..i wasn't trying to convert her beliefs just for her to be at least tolerant. Just earlier,i had texted her too telling her how i appreciate how much she loves her children,and is kind to animals and that she was the one who saved my cat by adopting her back years ago. I was trying to see the good in her and be peace. She said thank you. Then this..I actually am wondering if she is drunk sending that. It just sucks. I was in such a good mood and then this,and now it's blurred all my perceptions again on things. :( I obviously can not ever talk about this stuff again to people unless i know they are more open..i never knew people could be so harshly against things. My work friend is open. She brought up certain things even before me about how she believes in certain things. I wasnt sure I did,but was listening,and polite and intrigued and appreciated her open mind. My best friend believes in some things I do,but not all,but is always supportive no matter what. It's just bizarre to me. If someone had beliefs that were non harmful that made them feel good,i wouldn't be so mean,if i didn't agree. I'd at least be polite. I agree with you about letting go and i'm sorry you have issues with your mom,too. It can feel like a slap in the face. :( I remember at times my mom would literally randomly snap at me quite coldly and i'd feel like bursting into tears instantly. It's funny how the universe put us in the same family. I'm a very sensitive sort,always known to cry very easily ever since I was born,and my mother is a cold individual who can be harsh at times.

I am so glad you have a friend to help you through this time. It is very difficult to lose a Beloved FurBaby. My FurBabies are just like my own Children.

How comforting it must have been when your Kitty came to visit you.

May I ask about the experience? If so--how did your Kitty communicate with you?

[annabelle239]

Originally Posted by LadyTerra

I am so glad you have a friend to help you through this time. It is very difficult to lose a Beloved FurBaby. My FurBabies are just like my own Children.

How comforting it must have been when your Kitty came to visit you.

May I ask about the experience? If so--how did your Kitty communicate with you?

It was very comforting especially because this was the first one to happen when I was in a good mood. I had worried if i healed enough and seemed well,if she would see i'm ok and not feel the need to communicate. Since,i was in a good mood,and having a good day,it was like the icing on the cake of a great day,like she was saying,even on your good days,i'm here. Since my mood was good,the ADC occured and i felt more focused during it that it literally felt so unexpected like i got scared for a minute and was like do i have ghost. then was like "her name." and just knew it was her. and felt happy. the ADC was my good condition computer that was charged and even charging while i used it flicked off suddenly like a TV would if someone had shut it off. It was like a plug was pulled out. I had to re-start it. This only happened once when she did it before when i was very emotional and had just talked about how upset i was that she gone,so very shortly after name was mentioned. Both times same incident. Just very different moods. The mood of this recent one,i had actually set the intention the night before that i would hear from her again before the month was over. And,lo and behold,it took less then 24 hours. I don't watch TV at all but use my computer quite a bit so it's natural she would use that as communication vessel. I sometimes felt while alive she would think i was on the computer too much. lol. This ADC was like she was saying,hey,i'm still here in a friendly way so i feel good. Actually,that's the feeling all the ADC's from here have had,like she's just saying hey,it's ok,i'm still here.

Originally Posted by annabelle239

It was very comforting especially because this was the first one to happen when I was in a good mood. I had worried if i healed enough and seemed well,if she would see i'm ok and not feel the need to communicate. Since,i was in a good mood,and having a good day,it was like the icing on the cake of a great day,like she was saying,even on your good days,i'm here. Since my mood was good,the ADC occured and i felt more focused during it that it literally felt so unexpected like i got scared for a minute and was like do i have ghost. then was like "her name." and just knew it was her. and felt happy. the ADC was my good condition computer that was charged and even charging while i used it flicked off suddenly like a TV would if someone had shut it off. It was like a plug was pulled out. I had to re-start it. This only happened once when she did it before when i was very emotional and had just talked about how upset i was that she gone,so very shortly after name was mentioned. Both times same incident. Just very different moods. The mood of this recent one,i had actually set the intention the night before that i would hear from her again before the month was over. And,lo and behold,it took less then 24 hours. I don't watch TV at all but use my computer quite a bit so it's natural she would use that as communication vessel. I sometimes felt while alive she would think i was on the computer too much. lol. This ADC was like she was saying,hey,i'm still here in a friendly way so i feel good. Actually,that's the feeling all the ADC's from here have had,like she's just saying hey,it's ok,i'm still here.

Oh what a wonderful experience...thank you for sharing it!

It is (also) a confirmation that you can call on her and connect. You have a wonderful Gift and it is wonderful to see what can be accomplished when we remain open to all the possibilities!

IMHO--she will continue to watch-over you and be with you (always).

Originally Posted by annabelle239

I just feel it'd be so much easier for us to not talk. It seems better that way for people like us..i wasn't trying to convert her beliefs just for her to be at least tolerant. Just earlier,i had texted her too telling her how i appreciate how much she loves her children,and is kind to animals and that she was the one who saved my cat by adopting her back years ago. I was trying to see the good in her and be peace. She said thank you. Then this..I actually am wondering if she is drunk sending that. It just sucks. I was in such a good mood and then this,and now it's blurred all my perceptions again on things. :( I obviously can not ever talk about this stuff again to people unless i know they are more open..i never knew people could be so harshly against things. My work friend is open. She brought up certain things even before me about how she believes in certain things. I wasnt sure I did,but was listening,and polite and intrigued and appreciated her open mind. My best friend believes in some things I do,but not all,but is always supportive no matter what. It's just bizarre to me. If someone had beliefs that were non harmful that made them feel good,i wouldn't be so mean,if i didn't agree. I'd at least be polite. I agree with you about letting go and i'm sorry you have issues with your mom,too. It can feel like a slap in the face. :( I remember at times my mom would literally randomly snap at me quite coldly and i'd feel like bursting into tears instantly. It's funny how the universe put us in the same family. I'm a very sensitive sort,always known to cry very easily ever since I was born,and my mother is a cold individual who can be harsh at times.

I am so glad you have a friend to help you through this time. It is very difficult to lose a Beloved FurBaby. My FurBabies are just like my own Children.

How comforting it must have been when your Kitty came to visit you.

May I ask about the experience? If so--how did your Kitty communicate with you?


IMHO--you are very wise to put some distance between yourself and your Mom--while you are trying to deal with your loss.

I hope (in time) she will find a better way of communicating with you and realize how much her indifference has hurt you.

Originally Posted by yumi14

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Just remember that there is no limit in the duration of time when in the process of grieving. Its an individual process. Nobody has the right to tell you to get over it. For some people, grieving may be a short duration, for others it may last a long time. So, give yourself permission to get thru the process your way. Its your healing, nobody else's.

I wouldn't shut your mom off completely. But, I have a mom that also doesn't get me, nor has she ever truly tried to get me. I have come to her time and time again, thinking she would be a soft place to land, but I always felt worse than before I went to her in the first place. Instead of truly listening to the messages I was trying to get across, I was usually met with judgement. So, that would throw me deeper into a tizzy.

I have to remind myself that she is wired differently than me as well. She is conservative and life must be xyz in order to live happily. But, life is not that black and white.

People like us see and view the world on a whole different level that I suspect most people are afraid to even consider its realm of possibility.

There's nothing wrong with how you view the world, nor is it wrong the way your mom does either. Everyone has their own views.

The trick, at least in my case, is letting go. I finally stopped opening up my heart and wounds to my mom. I recently did reopen myself again to her in a desperate need to communicate things that have happened lately....I wasn't planning on it. In fact, I called to leave a birthday wish for her the day before her birthday, because I didn't want to risk getting a hold of her on her actual birthday and ruin the day for her. I was hoping to quickly leave a voice message and be done. Well, she picked up the phone in the middle of my message and I was so emotionally distraught, I melted. I reopened myself up and ended up in excruciating pain after our conversation was done. I kicked myself for being so weak as to entrust those raw feeling again. In hind sight, I should have just let her be and my birthday card in the mail be the only thing said. For both of us, I think that would have been best.

I'm not saying don't talk to your mom. Just be selective on what you share with her. You can't force someone to open their eyes to see things they don't want to see, or hear things they don't want to hear.

I know...I know all too well....its supposed to be a natural thing.....its supposed to be easy for child and parent to get each other. Sadly, I just don't think that is the case in some instances. It hurts. I know it hurts bad. You want that connection with your mom. I did too. I really did. But, we just see the world differently.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

This is very wise advice.

You are a very good Daughter...Yumi14...to keep trying with her the way you do.

I reach out to my Daughter and receive only silence. Your Mother doesn't realize just how lucky she is to have you in her life.

[annabelle239]

my best friend but he is out. i will talk to him later. my friend i work with,too but it's late here and this just happened late at night. I just wonder how people deal with people who slam your beliefs down. I guess only thing to do is avoid them. She is clearly very lost to be accusing me of all the things that are her...I almost feel bad. She really killed my vibe. I'm a good person. I'm nice,i'm successful and doing good things in my life,and im usually the person people turn to for advice. it made no sense for me to attacked like that. I wasn't harming her in anyway. Idk how hard it is to be supportive of people. I mean,how would someone like if someone important to them recently deceased and that person grieving said something positive that made them feel good and the other person responded get a life. Because that's basically what she did....all i can think is people must pick on the good..