What do you do with those who have forgotten how to love

[lillyj]

This is my question. Or maybe not forgotten maybe they never knew. They can love their own family but not another human being that they arent related to. I dont understand it just totaly alien to me. How can they cause harm to others even in small ways. It doesnt have to be the attrocities that get on the news it can be little everyday things in your dealings with others you encounter it all the time. So what do you do with them how do you hold them in your mind where do you put them in your head?
In buddhism it says to imagine each person as a small child who wasnt taught how to love and then to hold them in your heart as that child. I can do this for some but not all. what are your ways to hold them in your mind or heart or do you just reject them.?

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by lillyj

This is my question. Or maybe not forgotten maybe they never knew. They can love their own family but not another human being that they arent related to. I dont understand it just totaly alien to me. How can they cause harm to others even in small ways. It doesnt have to be the attrocities that get on the news it can be little everyday things in your dealings with others you encounter it all the time. So what do you do with them how do you hold them in your mind where do you put them in your head?
In buddhism it says to imagine each person as a small child who wasnt taught how to love and then to hold them in your heart as that child. I can do this for some but not all. what are your ways to hold them in your mind or heart or do you just reject them.?

Hello Lilly.
By opening my heart to peace.

Love is a doing word. So loving myself through the reflections of others who as you say perhaps cannot be at peace and show and act in loving ways towards others, is how I choose to do it.

Peace has many ways to let go. So has love. Its all within.

When I see, or feel something sad, painful, incomprehensible in the nature of how others treat others, I allow myself to feel and let go of my part in that picture, otherwise it continues to affect me, I keep letting go back to peace.

Then it allows me not to entertain it in my own torment and mind but rather opening fully in myself to reflect it back to peace.

I do it that until it is done.

And I know when it is done in feeling that peace.

When I am clear in peace I also know how to act with clarity if I can act (outward expression of love) If I cant then I have to trust that balance in the greater comes in its own time so I continue to express that love in the world where I can.

When you cant hold another in your heart, meaning reflect upon what they are showing your inner child, then perhaps instead of holding those in the external in your heart, you would do better to hold your own inner child in this way where she feels she cant find peace and love.

[Blue Tiger]

Not knowing how to love does not necessarily mean someone will "cause harm to others even in small ways."

I am one of those who never learned how to love as a child, never felt love as a child, hasn't a clue how to actually love someone now that I'm older. But I am among the gentlest of people; confused and socially awkward, but kind and gentle.

If a person can love their own family, they can love others as well. It would seem to me that the issue isn't that they were not loved as children or not taught to love, but that they are simply unkind, thoughtless, or even mean.

"...hold them in your heart as that child. I can do this for some but not all."

Why would you want to? I can treat everyone with kindness without holding them in my heart or in my mind. Not holding them in your heart/mind isn't the same as rejecting them.

When someone who isn't exactly a nice person enters my life, I am pleasant to them. Then I block any energy that might come from them to me. If they are sick, I wish them a speedy recovery, but I don't go out to lunch with them. In other words, I limit my contact to what I can comfortably tolerate.

[Riboflavin]

How can they cause harm to others even in small ways.

I'm not really sure what you mean by this. Do you mean like stealing someone's lunch out of the work fridge? Cutting someone off in traffic?

Today I tried to make a payment through paypal, and the seller refunded me and refused to sell to me because my account wasn't "verified" (which doesn't really mean anything). He already had the money in hand but his paranoia made him so distrustful he didn't want to do business with me based on that. I found myself somewhat irritated but mostly I felt sorry for the idiot.

People have different sensibilities about what is and is not offensive, or harmful and quite frankly there is no way to please everyone. For example, when getting pulled over, some cops want you to stop immediately even if it means impeding traffic. Others would prefer to follow you and pull into a parking lot so that you don't impede traffic. Either will already be unhappy with you if you don't do the one they want you to do, and there's no way to know which one you've got until he walks up to the car.

What's going to please some people is inevitably going to make others unhappy.

[Justme1981]

Originally Posted by lillyj

This is my question. Or maybe not forgotten maybe they never knew. They can love their own family but not another human being that they arent related to. I dont understand it just totaly alien to me. How can they cause harm to others even in small ways. It doesnt have to be the attrocities that get on the news it can be little everyday things in your dealings with others you encounter it all the time. So what do you do with them how do you hold them in your mind where do you put them in your head?
In buddhism it says to imagine each person as a small child who wasnt taught how to love and then to hold them in your heart as that child. I can do this for some but not all. what are your ways to hold them in your mind or heart or do you just reject them.?

This is a really great question and I appreciate that you asked it. My conception of people is that about eighty percent do not have a developed spirit or conscious. A whopping eighty percent! That means only twenty percent of people scattered all over the world really know how to love, how to empathize, how to relate to others, how to conceptualize others.

What do I do in mind with that eighty percent? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm aware I can't make them anymore than what they are and where they are; I can't force them to take a journey and I can't force them to learn. Can you force a tiger or lion to stop hunting? How about a shark? No, they are what they are and that is their nature. All I can do is get away from them and not be in their path when they are hungry.

It is not your burden to save anyone or to change anyone or to offer anyone a path to happiness, enlightenment, or salvation. The only burden you have is be yourself, grow and develop at your own pace, and when possible reach out to others who have their hand extended. Notice, they have to have their hand extended in the first place, you can't reach out to anyone who does not. (that is the eighty percent) Even in those cases where you help others you can provide food and comfort but that is pretty much it.

Also, just because it looks human it doesn't mean it is human. That is the eighty percent, a sub-hominid species that just looks like the rest of us. You can't evolve it, it has to evolve at its own pace.

[lillyj]

I liked what you said and its true i would say it might be even higher than 80 percent i dont know. Everyone experiences things differently. But i always try to be as accepting as i possably can to others. But not to be a walk over. But i find it so hard with harshness even people [Edited by Staff/language rule] about others behind their backs and things like that. And open hostility. An example are nurses and how alot of my friends that have been in hospital have been badly mistreated and even had very cruel words said to them and had their basic needs neglected. I have also expeierinced this in hospital. And im sure being a nurse is a very hard work. They are over worked and underpayed. But i dont understand the lack of compassion. And the attitude of 'its not my problem'. Some people have a lovely time in hosptal another friend even cried when she had to go home cos they had all been so kind and supportive to her. She was actualy going to miss being in there.
What i a sub hominid species?. Ive often thought i might be an indigo or star seed or something i seem not to be the same species as others. Or im made very different with entirly different motives to most even quite caring people. I actualy do see it as my job to heal what i can of this world. wiether it is actualy my place to do this i dont know. There is a buddhist practice i have heard of called tong len. WHere you breathe in all the pain and suffering and hatred in the world and then imagine something healing and breathe out light if you can. Its not new agey its tibetian buddhist compassion practice. I may start graualy doing that. Its a really desire in me to make things better even if its only for myself. Even if it doenst really change anything in the people i am around. iTs better than shielding and things. Better than avoiding because alot of the time i cant avoid. How can you avoid a nurse if your lying in a bed in hospital. Or like me i have to have carers come into my home to help me. I cant avoid them. They are in my face and in my house. I do clearing practices if someone is in a bad mood when they come in. So the energy isnt around. But i think tong len is the way to go for me. I also send out blessings at night for all my friends and aquantances that are struggling and having a hard time. With their permission. It makes me feel like i am helping them even in a small way. But they are kind those people or i wouldnt have anything to do with them. And i wouldnt do a blessing without someones permisson. I think its gandi that said be the change you want to see in the world. I live by that really.

[skygazer]

get them a dog, if they can be trusted to take care of and are agreeable to the idea. My dog reconnected me to my heart. :)

[Justme1981]

Originally Posted by lillyj

I liked what you said and its true i would say it might be even higher than 80 percent i dont know. Everyone experiences things differently. But i always try to be as accepting as i possably can to others. But not to be a walk over. But i find it so hard with harshness even people [Edited by Staff/language rule] about others behind their backs and things like that. And open hostility. An example are nurses and how alot of my friends that have been in hospital have been badly mistreated and even had very cruel words said to them and had their basic needs neglected. I have also expeierinced this in hospital. And im sure being a nurse is a very hard work. They are over worked and underpayed. But i dont understand the lack of compassion. And the attitude of 'its not my problem'. Some people have a lovely time in hosptal another friend even cried when she had to go home cos they had all been so kind and supportive to her. She was actualy going to miss being in there.
What i a sub hominid species?. Ive often thought i might be an indigo or star seed or something i seem not to be the same species as others. Or im made very different with entirly different motives to most even quite caring people. I actualy do see it as my job to heal what i can of this world. wiether it is actualy my place to do this i dont know. There is a buddhist practice i have heard of called tong len. WHere you breathe in all the pain and suffering and hatred in the world and then imagine something healing and breathe out light if you can. Its not new agey its tibetian buddhist compassion practice. I may start graualy doing that. Its a really desire in me to make things better even if its only for myself. Even if it doenst really change anything in the people i am around. iTs better than shielding and things. Better than avoiding because alot of the time i cant avoid. How can you avoid a nurse if your lying in a bed in hospital. Or like me i have to have carers come into my home to help me. I cant avoid them. They are in my face and in my house. I do clearing practices if someone is in a bad mood when they come in. So the energy isnt around. But i think tong len is the way to go for me. I also send out blessings at night for all my friends and aquantances that are struggling and having a hard time. With their permission. It makes me feel like i am helping them even in a small way. But they are kind those people or i wouldnt have anything to do with them. And i wouldnt do a blessing without someones permisson. I think its gandi that said be the change you want to see in the world. I live by that really.

You have a very beautiful spirit! It cheered me up reading your reply because you have so much love and care in your heart. I am sorry but I am little bit pessimistic at this point in life.

I think the Buddhist practice you shared tong Len is a very good practice, my form is to pray the rosary but I just haven't done it enough lately. I think the key is to always have love in your heart and give it forth through meditation or prayer. Meditation and prayer are very safe and good ways to help others.

What I mean by sub hominid species is that they are really nothing different then cave men. They look like us but they don't have the same evolved spirit as us and because you can't see spirit it looks like we are the same but we are not...its about the spirit and not the body.

Keep that blessed spirit and together all of us with good hearts can meditate and pray for the world.

Originally Posted by Riboflavin

I'm not really sure what you mean by this. Do you mean like stealing someone's lunch out of the work fridge?

Today I tried to make a payment through paypal, and the seller refunded me and refused to sell to me because my account wasn't "verified" (which doesn't really mean anything). He already had the money in hand but his paranoia made him so distrustful he didn't want to do business with me based on that. I found myself somewhat irritated but mostly I felt sorry for the idiot.

What's going to please some people is inevitably going to make others unhappy.

How very weird!

Why? Is stealing someones lunch out of the work fridge not wrong? They obviously made the effort to bring their lunch and woukd need it as much as you, yet you decide your own laziness and hunger and lack of ethics take preference?

Was it the first time you used paypal? Again, how very weird. Instead of doing a small thing which doesnt really matter anyway, getting your own account verified, due to whatever paranoia and idiocy and self grandiosity stopped you from doing so, you go onto project it onto some innocent bystander who refuses to take on your burden of your own lack of responsibility and your own refusal of taking ownership of your own behaviours! Why didnt you get the account verified, was it a secret account? Someone else's bank account? Wanted to keep it secret because of your own paranoia? Your own need for self grandiosity thinking that you have the right to feel sorry for another despite the fact that its you who needs to be felt sorry for? You are not bothered if what you purchase is refused, because you have your sly tricks up your sleeve of insulting and beating others instead of yourself for your own actions? If you dont really care, then why feel sorry for the paranoid idiot? A bit if sadism is it? Feels good does it having fun at the expense of others just because you can you think you are clever enough to blindfold your own conscience?

Its all about pleasing others is it? What you actually do, your intent, your choices, the responsibility that comes with it make no difference to you? Essentially you take no responsibility for your being and if anyones hurt, injured, destroyed by it, then its because they refuse to accept your own deficits you throw onto them as theirs?

Try taking responsibility for your own being, choices, actions - life could be less complicated for you.

Before you react...decide if you wish to take responsibility for your choice to be on a spiritual forum and giving ego an impression that you are ready to progress spiritually. Well...this is how it is done, that is if you decide to take responsibility for your choice...dont bother wasting energy on labelling me, i have no intention to accept your burdens you subconsciously are accumulating, while telling yourself all the while that you are consciously escaping. Sorry bout that mate.

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by lifensoul

How very weird!

Why? Is stealing someones lunch out of the work fridge not wrong? They obviously made the effort to bring their lunch and woukd need it as much as you, yet you decide your own laziness and hunger and lack of ethics take preference?

Was it the first time you used paypal? Again, how very weird. Instead of doing a small thing which doesnt really matter anyway, getting your own account verified, due to whatever paranoia and idiocy and self grandiosity stopped you from doing so, you go onto project it onto some innocent bystander who refuses to take on your burden of your own lack of responsibility and your own refusal of taking ownership of your own behaviours! Why didnt you get the account verified, was it a secret account? Someone else's bank account? Wanted to keep it secret because of your own paranoia? Your own need for self grandiosity thinking that you have the right to feel sorry for another despite the fact that its you who needs to be felt sorry for? You are not bothered if what you purchase is refused, because you have your sly tricks up your sleeve of insulting and beating others instead of yourself for your own actions? If you dont really care, then why feel sorry for the paranoid idiot? A bit if sadism is it? Feels good does it having fun at the expense of others just because you can you think you are clever enough to blindfold your own conscience?

Its all about pleasing others is it? What you actually do, your intent, your choices, the responsibility that comes with it make no difference to you? Essentially you take no responsibility for your being and if anyones hurt, injured, destroyed by it, then its because they refuse to accept your own deficits you throw onto them as theirs?

Try taking responsibility for your own being, choices, actions - life could be less complicated for you.

Before you react...decide if you wish to take responsibility for your choice to be on a spiritual forum and giving your conscience an impression that it wants to progress spiritually. Well...this is how it is done, that is if you decide to take responsibility for your choice...dont bother wasting energy on labelling me, i have no intention to accept your burdens you are subconsciously are accumulating, while telling yourself all the while that you are consciously escaping. Sorry bout that mate.

Ease up princess your in overdrive mode..(that's not a label)