Any suggestions on how to let go?

[Branflakes0609]

I've been with my fiancé for seven years. Our friend was his best friend first. Friend and I are just a lot alike. I don't want him romantically. I just didn't understand this deep love I felt for him. So when I felt a deeper (but different) love I panicked and told the both of them. I have ruined their friendship as well.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by Branflakes0609

So when I felt a deeper (but different) love I panicked and told the both of them. I have ruined their friendship as well.

That's unfortunate. I would suggest it reveals something that may come up later in your marriage. Marriages are about being truthful. If you can't be truthful to your partner, that will come up again, and again. Telling somebody you care deeply for them? That's called being human. If you are afraid of expressing your human feelings, you will feel stuck in your relationship at some point. I am not being mean, I am speaking from YEARS of experience of this exact thing.

[Branflakes0609]

I think my fiancé is afraid to talk to friend because he may fear friend has these feelings too and he doesn't want to lose me. So part of me says I did the right thing and that's being honest.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by Branflakes0609

I think my fiancé is afraid to talk to friend because he may fear friend has these feelings too and he doesn't want to lose me. So part of me says I did the right thing and that's being honest.

Well that's good if it has opened up the possibility of the truth being shared and discussed. I would just say make sure it stays open-ended until it's resolved. Sometimes we stop talking because it's easier to just forget about things and hope it all goes away. Which guarantees it will come back again in some other form.

[Delsol]

Jimrich offers excellent advice.

Often we are strongly attracted to people because subconsciously they either remind us of someone from our formative years (mother, father - the origins of our own deepest qualities or flaws) or they have a trait that we do not have, but instinctively know we should develop or experience. Comprehending these feelings of 'love' may have more to do with comprehending your own wiring, past and present, than some inexplicable connection. Just food for thought. Best wishes with it, and congrats on your engagement.

[Snow Goose]

Branflakes you have gotten yourself in quite a pickle!

You mentioned you will try to 'love' your fiance more, hummmmm love is love. It just is, you can't force it.

If you aren't sure if you truely love someone please don't rush to get married, you will just cause a lot more upset for both of you further down the road.

[Clover]

Originally Posted by Snow Goose

If you aren't sure if you truely love someone please don't rush to get married, you will just cause a lot more upset for both of you further down the road.

Agree.........

[Claireanneh]

I think you shouldn't rush into a marriage until you are perfectly sure about your feelings, and also a feelings of your friend.