Accepting someone for who they are

Okay, well sesheta, a whole week went by and I didn't hear from my bf at all. I was with my two best friends and told them about it and they were like, "That is so odd that he could not even text you a 'hello'." I felt hurt and embarrassed in a way at the same time. So when I finally was able to see him, I told him this and he look visibly hurt himself. He apologized and said that he feels bad that I experienced that. Then he said he was going to try and figure out why he is "treating me so bad."

It is kind of scary cause it has been only 7 months of us dating and you can't imagine the honeymoon stage being this far over already and it's not like we have been together for years.

Originally Posted by froebellian

All I can say from my experience when you 'try to make it work' in the early stages then it is not 'worth it' as you will 'try constantly' and thats not how it should be IMHO.

Yeah, I have heard the same thing. People always say that relationships shouldn't be hard work or stressful.

Originally Posted by CelestialRain

Have you tried having a deep, sit-down conversation with him? Often times, "this is who I am" is a mental excuse to try to drive away from the relationship (not trying to worry you or anything). Maybe you should tell him that HE should also accept YOU and that YOU need to talk more often than he does.

Wow, I never thought of it like that! Good point! That ties in with what KrystalleSama was saying-- that is a compromise and that being in a relationship is different.

Originally Posted by primrose

Altair, I know this is hard to hear but it does'nt sound like he is into you. It sounds like he takes you for granted. If you can don't contact him at all and see if anything happens.

Yeah, I already thought that and fear that. But I would rather have him admit that so we can do the appropriate action and move on. There have been times that I do think he is taking advantage of me. He respects his friends more than me and I just sent him a text message about this and did mention what you just said about feeling being taken advantage of cause I am like 'why do I think and care about you, but you don't about me?' I haven't heard from him at all and sent those messages last night and it has been a day. I will be seeing him tonight so something is going to happen.

@SpiritCarrier: Thank you soooooo much for your advice! Those are very important questions and I keep hoping, you know. I keep hoping things will change, but I do realize I have to really be honest with myself and ask: Can I live like this? I think I do need some time away and think on things.

Yeah, I do turn to my friends for advice and though they are helpful, it does affect things cause they are biased and they don't want to see me hurt. It does come down to what awakenflame. I have to think is this for me. And yes there are times I feel like I might as well just settle and I know DONT do that.

Thank you guys. I will keep you updated if you are interested. Like I said, I will be seeing him tonight.

He broke up with me tonight.

I'm sorry, I know you are hurting. It's always hard going through a break-up.

I'd highly recommend that you check out this site (and read her book): http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/

[athribiristan]

Originally Posted by Altair

I have been in a relationship for 7 months and I really want us to work. It is just that there are times that I don't feel that he loves me or is into the relationship or me as much as I am with him. People ask how do you know this and I say it seems by his actions. For example, one week I would text him happy messages to make him smile or wish him a happy day or tell him I am thinking of him and missing him (we can only see each other on Sundays due to his temporary busy work schedule). I would rarely get a text message back. And on top of that, if I don't text him and just leave it up to him, I don't hear anything for 5 days or so! I am like, "Dude, do you miss me or what?"

Of course, I have expressed my concern with this with him and he just says, "This is who I am. You have to accept me for who I am." I understand this, but over time it affects me. It eats at me. And my friends notice I am not happy. And I want to be happy with the relationship and make it work. I don't know what else to do.

Accept that which you cannot change,
Change that which you cannot accept.

Those are the only two options

Thanks guys. Thank you autumn for the link.

[Teal]

Sorry to hear this. There are better relationships, You will have one soon.

Thank you. As many of you know, his actions really did show that he was not into the relationship as much as I was. So I guess it was better especially with all the wonderful advice everyone here gave. It is true that if I question myself and ask: Do I want to be with someone like this for the rest of my life, I realize my answer would be no. Thank you!

It's hard to realize that someone you love is not really the kind of person you really want to be with.

The hard part now is making sure you don't pick the same kind of guy (emotionally unavailable) wrapped up in a different package. We so often repeat patterns, without even realizing it.

Yeah thank you autumn. I was told to write a list of the attributes or what I would like in a man to help keep me focused and weed out the ones that will not make me happy and make sure not to settle. Thanks for the advice!!

Originally Posted by Altair

I have been in a relationship for 7 months and I really want us to work. It is just that there are times that I don't feel that he loves me or is into the relationship or me as much as I am with him.

I think this is a common issue that has to do with perception, not feelings. Men tend to be less expressive of their love than women, but are just as sensitive, if not more sensitive and caring.