Affective Personal Boundaries

Originally Posted by Medium_Laura

We are all connected :)

Very true - some more than others at any particular time.

and some I wish I wasn't connected to LOL! :) *winks*

[jorddy]

Hey Medium_Laura!

How do we establish healthy personal boundaries?

I feel that in order to establish healthy personal boundaries one must first accept themselves. In this day and age, we are taught to mold ourselves into others in order to be "normal", basically conformity.

I don't feel that one must put boundaries between themselves and anyone because if this is done, you will always be self conscious of yourself and the way your friends treat you - emphasizing negativity.

I feel that personal boundaries are set automatically once one realizes themselves for who they are and what is important for them. Once this is decided, the person will not allow anything to step in their way of what is important because of self-worth.

Self boundaries are a major concern in this day and age because people are too readily to conform to those around them. Believe in yourself, stand for what you believe in, have an outlook of happiness and everything will be set!

If one were to propose self boundaries for themselves, this will only lead the individual to seclusion because this concept is bred from fear - lack of love. Instead, maintain love for yourself - self respect.. and the rest comes :)

Much love,
Jorddy

By having those boundaries Jorrdy, people learn not to be taken advantage of. What you propose is great but not everyone is in that mindset yet. It takes time. Boundaries are not fear, they are standing your ground and being in the moment.

Too many people feel guilty saying no. Then then take on too much, become depressed, feel unworthy, and it spirals down.

This is the opposite of victim mentality. Also not many people can just "realize" who they are. It takes time and practice. These are steps in that direction.

[jorddy]

Well when I say fear i mean a loss of friends - loss of happiness - fear of a loss

You would feel guilt because you feel that their point is more valid then yours, this means you don't hold yourself at a higher self worth then them

If you hold your self worth higher then anyone by accepting yourself for every part.. then no one could ever take advantage of you, simply because you wouldn't ever give them the power to do so.. (such as guilt) In order for them to have power, you must relinquish yours...

There is no need to made boundaries between anyone in your life, they are already there. If you make boundaries it'll create remorse. (I say this because I was actually going through this with my friends for about two weeks because I shifted my thoughts and aligned with this idea). If you make boundaries you are creating something artificial, outside of your true feelings, a mask.

[Saggi]

Originally Posted by jorddy

Well when I say fear i mean a loss of friends - loss of happiness - fear of a loss

If there were no boundaries in place and people took advantage of this, then this is where the situation would lead anyway.

There is a transition period where this happenes, then personal boundaries are set and this still happens, yet self esteem grows because awareness of who you are has grown.

From there, the fact that the situation ended the same, yet self esteem grew, there is a realisation that there is worthiness involved and although the situation ended the same, a worthiness grows to allow seeing who they were, why it was let to happen. Then when people come into our lives that will treat us the same, not judgement, fact, there's a readiness to place boundaries and act in a more cautious way to see what happens, instead of jumping in feet first and allowing others to hurt.


You would feel guilt because you feel that their point is more valid then yours, this means you don't hold yourself at a higher self worth then them

If you hold your self worth higher then anyone by accepting yourself for every part.. then no one could ever take advantage of you, simply because you wouldn't ever give them the power to do so.. (such as guilt) In order for them to have power, you must relinquish yours...

There is no need to made boundaries between anyone in your life, they are already there. If you make boundaries it'll create remorse. (I say this because I was actually going through this with my friends for about two weeks because I shifted my thoughts and aligned with this idea). If you make boundaries you are creating something artificial, outside of your true feelings, a mask.

Then what you state is apparent!

Yet as always we have to reach here, it matters not whether the opportunity is there in childhood or in adulthood, there is always a transition into creating our heavens.

Some are just late developers and have learnt a way for so long that anything new needs help and support.

Once acceptance that some people may take advantage of and that there are times it is allowed, the boudaries are already set! Naturally!

Remember, at some stage in life everyone has worn L Plates, the fact that you have experienced it differently now doesn't mean what Laura has posted is wrong.

It can be seen as a guide to where you are too!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

Love this Laura and thanks for the link. I'm going to dive into it and give it all a good read. Here is what struck me and helped.

Identify the actions and behaviors that you find unacceptable. Let others know when they've crossed the line, acted inappropriately, or disrespected you in any way. Do not be afraid to tell others when you need emotional and physical space. Allow yourself to be who you really are without pressure from others to be anything else. Know what actions you may need to take if your wishes aren't respected.

The whole paragraph struck me, the bold part is what i did and in return i got ditched. This is not a pity plea this is me wanting to say that since then i have held fear and recognize that it stems from 'you allow everything that happens in your life' therefore i felt i had no right to be angry and repressed this. I put up the 'it's all peachy and dandy' which is very far removed from the truth.

Jordy's words here "You would feel guilt because you feel that their point is more valid then yours, this means you don't hold yourself at a higher self worth then them" also struck out at me as this is how i felt for asking for time out and space and their point being more valid. That i am to blame for the disrespectful treatment because my time and space request was not what they wanted or in their control. There is value in the saying Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

Damn right im angry now. I have the right to be. I've stepped back and looked deeper and saw no boundaries that were respected. This anger i also acknowledge as part of accepting and releasing instead of repressing.

[jorddy]

Originally Posted by Saggi

Then what you state is apparent!

Yet as always we have to reach here, it matters not whether the opportunity is there in childhood or in adulthood, there is always a transition into creating our heavens.

Some are just late developers and have learnt a way for so long that anything new needs help and support.

Once acceptance that some people may take advantage of and that there are times it is allowed, the boudaries are already set! Naturally!

Remember, at some stage in life everyone has worn L Plates, the fact that you have experienced it differently now doesn't mean what Laura has posted is wrong.

It can be seen as a guide to where you are too!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

Agreed : )