Right after separation

When you go through the first separation, do you at first feel like your evo is in total protection mode? I feel like everything I felt was just a fantasy/escape and I keep telling myself I was just lead on. It's making me feel "good". Mhlw long will thisast if he is a true tf? If he's not, I assume the feelings wi go away, but maybe not if it's a true sc.

Can anyone tell me how you felt/what you thought at your first separation?

ksjm33,

I was only 12 years of age when I first separated from my Twin Flame. I can't recall exactly how I felt. I recall missing him terribly, but our connection wasn't fully activated until many years later. I am so blessed to have experienced all that I did with him. If I think back to a time in my life when we weren't together (besides now, as he is now in the Spiritual Realm), I realize how lucky I am to have been woken up to the beauty of true, unconditional love, and life. What an astonishing journey. What magical memories we shared. The love of my eternity.

[Impulsv]

My first separation was the worse pain ever. As if death had taken place which confused me so much as to why I felt that for a complete stranger who I had barely known. No time to think of ego perhaps it was the first ego death.

[SomewhereInTime]

Originally Posted by Impulsv

My first separation was the worse pain ever. As if death had taken place which confused me so much as to why I felt that for a complete stranger who I had barely known. No time to think of ego perhaps it was the first ego death.

Oh, don't I know it! The day I saw him at that town meeting left me walking out of the building when the meeting was over wondering what the hell just happened?

I'd prepared for the separation. Because I didn't know anything about tf theory, I treated twin as I would an addiction (sugar, tv, coffee, etc). Every time I'd think of twin, I'd stop and do something - in my mind - more productive. I taught myself a new musical instrument, created the best work of my life according to others, and began an intense exercise program. During the weeks of twin withdrawal, I was in the best shape I've ever been in!

Not that I didn't have a few 'slips,' but I saw recovery right around the corner. I'd seen Twin a few times but for some strange reason I can't figure, the last time the whole thing started all over.

I'm back to step one. I admit I'm powerless over twin...

Originally Posted by Suchapisces

I'd prepared for the separation. Because I didn't know anything about tf theory, I treated twin as I would an addiction (sugar, tv, coffee, etc). Every time I'd think of twin, I'd stop and do something - in my mind - more productive. I taught myself a new musical instrument, created the best work of my life according to others, and began an intense exercise program. During the weeks of twin withdrawal, I was in the best shape I've ever been in!

Not that I didn't have a few 'slips,' but I saw recovery right around the corner. I'd seen Twin a few times but for some strange reason I can't figure, the last time the whole thing started all over.

I'm back to step one. I admit I'm powerless over twin...

This is interesting Suchapisces, can you continue the story.

That is i think the best way to lessen the connection (TF or non TF). I did approach it that way the first time.

Now do you think the belief that it's a 'TF' that makes it harder to separate, since you did it the first time and you were okay.

When did you find out that such way (cut off cold turkey like fighting addiction) does not work? Do you think it's a matter of willpower? What happened with you after you separate and had a productive time as you described above? :)

Interested,
Vanesa

Everything I read about the tf thing says to love unconditonally, but I am not there. I want to forget him like I would anyone else I have a separation from. I guess if it's a true tf I won't always be able to protect myself like this. I am mostly interested in the whole "ego death" concept that Steve Gunn describes, but I just can't "give in" right now.

I hope, over time, and with other big experiences like this one, my ego defenses will lessen, but for now I am sort of numb and want to be in my reality with people who treat me well and who I love and cherish.

The mind games and confusion wit tf were really painful and strange. It's like I have two lives.

Another thing that's confusing for me is that I felt a strong and intense connection immediately, but it's not as though I felt either of us was actually that interested in the other's life. I was more interested than he was in his life, but he didn't seem that interested in mine. Another reason I feel it was just him trying to get a hook up. I kept him at bay a lot at first because I didn't want an emotional connection, because I was afraid of having an emotional affair. I asked him alot about his work and dating life so I etablished his thing where I was just the question asker. Still, to this day, I don't care if he cares about my life. I just cared about his.

Is this weird?

Vanessa, that was the story of the first separation. I didn't mean to imply I was okay. My emotions were the same as for others. Somehow I was able to use the tools available to me to produce and create so I wasn't merely wallowing in misery. That doesn't appeal to me!

Not sure if it was willpower. More like a miracle, maybe? As an example, the only "work" I'd ever done for my physical self as an adult was sipping iced tea poolside, working on a tan. Suddenly, I'm sculpting my abs, bench pressing, doing chin-ups?!? That makes no sense! Whew, I'm glad twin and I reconnected and I stopped all that!

Originally Posted by ksjm33

When you go through the first separation, do you at first feel like your evo is in total protection mode? I feel like everything I felt was just a fantasy/escape and I keep telling myself I was just lead on. It's making me feel "good". Mhlw long will thisast if he is a true tf? If he's not, I assume the feelings wi go away, but maybe not if it's a true sc.

Can anyone tell me how you felt/what you thought at your first separation?

It was a long time ago since our first separation (only 3 months after we first met), so memory is foggy. In a lot of ways, I relate to what you are going through now. That said, it was me who initiated the separation, not him, so it was rougher on him emotionally. Your posts here make me see what he probably went through.

I had no choice really - external events precipitated the need for separation. My whole life fell completely apart -- I lost my marriage, my house, my finances, my possessions, my job, my friends, my mental sanity, my physical health, and nearly lost my kids too. And I had to scramble around and rebuild it all from scratch, so I was pulled in a lot of different directions and was mostly preoccupied with that. I see now it was a blessing?

I did think about him constantly.. those feelings never went away. I did want to talk about it, process it, figure out what the heck it meant. I had nobody who wanted to listen. Everyone dismissed it as a fantasy, an infatuation, or even a hallucination caused by manic depression. And yes, I was told by many "he's just a player" and "he's just not that into you." But, I KNEW. I knew it was more than that. However eventually I (my logical mind) convinced myself otherwise. Until we reconnected again... brought together by a coincidence of the universe, not by our own doing.