In need of genuine advice

Friends, i need your help right now..possible SC has been silent all of the sudden left me strucked. I'm worried about my mind, am i thinking correctly or i'm having problems i didn't know i'm having. How come not being contacted by a person has such a huge impact on me. Like i'm lost in this world, i don't know where to go or what to do..


I've always been proud on my ability to be free, 'cut people off', carefree in the world, not getting tied in by anyone and free to achieve and get things i want. I despise mediocrity all my life, never let anyone tie me in, all gone, albeit gradually, after i met SC


Now this situation doesn't make any sense to me..

He was the one that making ALL the effort to be close to me...contacting me EVERY SINGLE DAY in the last 2 years. I always felt connected to him the first day we met, but i remember sometime in 2011 i sensed 'danger' by being too close with him (i remember speaking to my shrink, i needed to get far away from this person he's dangerous to me), and i cut all connection..

But it took 1 look at him (after 6 months not seeing him) for me to feel all the rush of weird weird emotion, and in panic contacting him. In 2012, we speak everyday..

The connection has a weird dynamic..i always felt he sought 'my approval', and i remember thinking this man is a burden.. don't get me wrong, during 2012 i felt love to this person like no other, but something in the connection that felt suffucating.. i sometimes wished that he would get it and walk away, my life would felt easier, because i wouldn't hurt him to say that i wanted distance from him, cause that would hurt him, not to mention i did that in 2011, and i failed miserably..

I confessed to him sometime in late 2012 that i wan't this 'relationship' to be at the 'next level', i want him to committed with me...he said he can't give me that, but he agreed that there is a past life connection thing going on (he told me he probably my bro from previous life), but he never like me in romantic way..

Needless to say, it was such a confusing period of my life..cause how come he didn't love me, i felt his love, it shaped who i am this day, in fact his love is too abundant is scared and suffocated me..

So being very practical i said 'im happy that he felt nothing that way', i thought it's a relieve i sought all this time..now i can back to who i was, no need to be burdened by what he felt..if the conversation and connection severed i'd be fine, cause i asked, and he didn't love me that way, it was just in my mind, or so i thought..


But the connection wasn't slowing down, in fact it was getting more and more intense...he initiated it, me sometimes...we took it non chalantly, like nothing is between is, we just like to talk..


And one day, couple months ago, i sensed that he 'changed'..he gotten lost in this thought, he said he was feeling weird...he said of finding the one, he said he had to lie but someday i'd understand...and then he dissapeared..

This was such a huge blow to me, him dissapearing..i felt he has been my 'compass', i felt lost without his guidance (and i hate it)..i felt so exposed in this world, i felt if i'm gonna die tomorrow that would be meaningless cause i'm so small and unimportant. He used to be so interested in my life, now no longer, and i felt so incecure that my life is no longer 'interesting', or that he sensed i'm a weak person that he felt disgusted with me..

Nonetheless, i'm a changed person...like i said, 2012 was like a dream, like i was asleep the whole year and now i'm awake forgetting who i was, but knowing who i am NOW is no way who i was before 2012..my friends told me i'm more humbled, more sensitive to other people. But really, i don't see the point of all that if that means i had to feel this exposed..


So friends, what happened with me, and this odd 'relationship'? What's happening with him? Is he just a mean person who took advantage of me and obtained my support during those time, and now feels no need to? Is this normal, text book unrequited love that i just need to get over? Is this SC? Why am i feeling so scared and lost now? Do i have a reason to? And how to stop it?

Your honest advise is greatly appreciated,
Vanessa

[VanillaRayne]

Honestly, it's somewhat hard to say, just based on this. But the fact that he said he had to lie, but you'd understand someday, tells me there's definitely a lot more going on that just him being "not that into you." The reasons for that are unclear by what you've posted, but I'd assure you that he definitely does feel something for you. And it does sound like some type of soul connection. Only you can know for sure though.

As I'm sure you know, the men in SCs don't "generally" process and deal with it as well as the women do. It takes them more time, they tend to be the runners, they tend to stick with lower frequency relationships that feel "safer" until they finally realize exactly what's going on. And even then it still can take them some time. Be assured though, if he's not ready, neither are you. (This was hard for me to accept at first, and now I understand it completely.)

What you need to do in the mean time, is focus on yourself, bettering yourself, healing your issues, loving yourself and just becoming a better person. Don't dwell on him or why he's acting the way he is. It all may be part of the process for you two. And I'd also say to wait for him to contact you. Chasing him will only push him further away. (It seems scary, but trust me it works.)

I know how difficult it is during these times. I've been through plenty with my TF and he's always come back. Just have faith and know everything is happening for a reason.

Dear Vanessatrine: First of all I want to say I'm so sorry for the pain and fear you are going through now. It sounds like it has been extremely difficult for you this past while.

Next, I want to encourage you to please, love yourself! Surround yourself with caring people, people who genuinely want to help you and support you. You mentioned a "shrink" - if you trust this professional make sure, please, that you talk about your feelings with her/him as soon as you can, just to get a jumpstart on your self focus.

Because, I get an impression that this sudden break in your relationship is somehow connected to it being a time for you to focus on yourself.

You say you used to pride yourself on being "free" and not getting tied down by people. Self reliance is a good thing, but we are also beings who are wired to need healthy connection with others. As a person who tends to isolate herself, I know this very well. And only you can define the balance between independence and social support - now is a time you can start defining the boundaries.

I thought several times reading your post that this sounds, the way i understand them, like a soul connection. Your words of "intense", "dangerous" (unless he was actually threatening your life or wellbeing but intense relationships can feel like they are dangerous to your old way of being), the "past life connection", how lost and scared you feel without him ... these all make me think of the deep connectedness in twin flames.

But please: know that his disappearance does NOT speak the truth about you and who you are. Your life is NOT uninteresting; you are NOT "weak" and even if you think he is "disgusted" by you...maybe you are projecting your own sense of "disgust" in no longer being the happy carefree independent person you once saw yourself as. Again I state that I am not suggesting you become codependent and helpless by a relationship; but these relationships can be so deeply intertwined with our soul that we might feel tied down and dependent - as you suggested in your remarks about feeling "suffocated" and "scared" by his closeness/approach to you. But you are never never less than! You are just as beautiful and worthy and important in the eyes of The One Who Made Us (whatever name you give that source of all life) ... now is the time to start re-connecting to your sacredness and value and worth.

With what I've read, there is sometimes a period of separation in an intense relationship, as the two separate to examine their relationship and themselves as a sacred twin. Sometimes if two people are so intensely close, their sense of self can disappear. I have had a tarot card reader warn me to not get so "wrapped up" in my twin and forget about my Self. It is important to still honour yourself as a valuable, important soul who has been shown her soul twin. I trust there are sacred reasons why we are shown our twin - I know for me that i was shown mine in order to start healing myself and ridding myself of old self-defeating and abusive behaviours and to start truly loving myself as my twin does. (I am not with my Twin but I know who he is.)

Please continue with your exploration of yourself; now that you are a person your friends call "humbled and sensitive", this is a gift - you see how you are connected to all of Life, that we are all children of the Universe, and each are unique expressions of one Divine source. Please let your time apart help you come back to you, the new you, with a new awareness, and let your intuition and your helpers, be they other humans or spirit guides, direct you to knowledge and info that validates your worth and beauty.

Keep us posted .. I'll be thinking of you!

Dear Vanilla and Raven, thank you so much for your kind responses, they're highly appreciated. I needto ask time to understand them and getting back to you real soon.

Thank you,
v

Take the time you need - this is your process and you need to do it your way! Hugs!

All i can say

Hi all,

Just a quick update about events unfolding for anyone who is interested :)

Raven: your point 'Because, I get an impression that this sudden break in your relationship is somehow connected to it being a time for you to focus on yourself.' -- is spot on.

In April i encountered Abe and it took me to places within my heart. I met 'me', i how i feel, what is wellbeing. I meditate alot, peaceful months i gotta say.

The thought of him comes up daily, just not as intense. As i said in the initial post, he withdrew, yes he did. In the last 2 weeks i was always the one that initiated contact. Everytime i have the longing i always thought to myself, WHY it takes me this hard to be happy? Happiness was my default emotion before meeting him. Now it's a constant effort, constant awareness of my emotions.

Sometimes i looked back through our email exchanges, how come he changes so rapidly, from a warm person who had no difficulty talking to me, support me, giving me kind words into this cold person who, altho still warm and nice, made no effort to talk to me. Like i'm no longer exists in his world. Mind you we're talking months here, people don't change in matter of months don't they.

Anyways, i really really wish we all find peace and answers in this journey.

Love to all,
V