Need advice - no time for meditation!

Moon_Glow · #1 17-12-2015, 09:26 PM

Hello Everyone - this may sound silly but I am really having a lot of trouble finding balance in my life.

I work full time - Mon-Fri 9- 5 and have a 40 minute commute each way

I have a 1 1/2 year old son who does NOT like sleeping through the night.

My partner is a stay at home dad at the moment but I still do all the shopping, errand running, things like that.

I'm very lucky that he loves to cook and prefers a clean house... but I literally have NO time for meditation...

I wake up very early, around 5 or 6 every day and usually the baby is awake as well... I get us all ready for the day and get all of us out of the house by 8am.

I get home around 6pm, then its dinner, dishes, bath time...

He doesn't go to sleep until around 9 or 10 at night, I usually fall asleep just after the baby does but he usually wakes up about 3 times on the average night and needs my assistance to get back to bed.

He will not go back to sleep unless I hold his hand.

The weekends seem to consist of us trying to clean the house while the baby follows us around messing it up again... trying to get a handle on our mountains of laundry etc.

I love my partner and my child and I am in no way meaning to sound like I'm complaining, I just really need some advice on creating balance in my life and putting aside time for myself for meditation. It's really important to me and I feel like the only "me" time I have is at work... which really isn't my time.

I try to meditate a bit before bed at night but always end up falling right asleep, same thing happens in the early morning.

Any advice any one has would be greatly appreciated.

ianalexanderr · #2 17-12-2015, 09:38 PM

I had the same problem. I ended up making a time budget. Break down the time you have in your day into designated "Time Slots" in order to catalogue where your time is spent and identify where and when time is wasted. Once you can shave down time wasted spent on things that aren't relevant (watching tv, etc.) you can use the surplus time to your advantage.

When you have it all organized like this, it makes your partner more mindful of the time you would like for certain things and through the time slots you can negotiate. For example: you can petition that you do the dishes and laundry in the 3rd timeslot, if your partner agree's to allow you have meditation in the 2nd timeslot.

This was real helpful to use with my wife. Often when I would try to meditate, my wife due to loneliness would not want me to leave. But once I had it all on paper it did show that out of the entire day I had very little to no time to myself. Once she was aware I was given an hour every day to meditate.

Moon_Glow · #3 17-12-2015, 09:49 PM

Great advice - I will try that tonight!

Thanks ianalexanderr

ianalexanderr · #4 17-12-2015, 09:56 PM

No Problem glad to help :)

wolfgaze · #5 18-12-2015, 12:39 AM

So you say your commute is 40 minutes each way.... That's a total of 1 hour and 20 minutes each day that you are by yourself in the vehicle with your only distractions behing the other drivers on the road. While this may not be the optimal environment, you can use this time to your advantage. For some individuals, meditative practices are a means to quiet the activity of their physical mind. Audio stimulation can be a great tool to contribute to this endeavor. Do you own an ipod or mp3 player that you can connect to your vehicle's stereo? What if you were to seek out and amass a small library of audio tracks catered towards promoting mental relaxation (a quiet mind)? Audio with no lyrics... There's so much out there to choose from. For me, this would be something like Vivaldi's cello concertos or Chopin's piano nocturnes. But you could find something that best suits your ears and your own preferences... We can still safely and effectively operate a vehicle without that internal 'chatter' inecessantly running through our minds - right? If all goes as planned/intended, you may very well find yourself feeling more composed, balanced, and relaxed when you get to work and when you get home from work. Why? Because you are giving your physical mind a rest during this time period of your day. You have plenty of 'thinking' to do and engage in while you are at work and while you are at home with the family. Your time in the car could be that time each day where you tune out all those other concerns and simply enjoy the pleasant audio stimulation you are exposing yourself to. You may even find yourself wanting to listen at home while you are doing chores or when you can find down time for resting/relaxing.

Just an idea/suggestion...

Gem · #6 18-12-2015, 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ianalexanderr

I had the same problem. I ended up making a time budget. Break down the time you have in your day into designated "Time Slots" in order to catalogue where your time is spent and identify where and when time is wasted. Once you can shave down time wasted spent on things that aren't relevant (watching tv, etc.) you can use the surplus time to your advantage.

When you have it all organized like this, it makes your partner more mindful of the time you would like for certain things and through the time slots you can negotiate. For example: you can petition that you do the dishes and laundry in the 3rd timeslot, if your partner agree's to allow you have meditation in the 2nd timeslot.

This was real helpful to use with my wife. Often when I would try to meditate, my wife due to loneliness would not want me to leave. But once I had it all on paper it did show that out of the entire day I had very little to no time to myself. Once she was aware I was given an hour every day to meditate.

Indeed. I also usually say that the first thing to do is organise the life. Very practical tips there.

Aham Brahmasmi · #7 18-12-2015, 09:03 AM

Hi Vabratch,

I have had similar issues..:) Guess most of us do, when the spiritual awakening of the partners are not simultaneous.

Am sharing with you how I managed and am now a fountain of smile and positive energy.

First, I stopped feeling guilty for finding 'me time'. I started telling myself that it is far more important to keep myself relaxed (by which I mean meditate because it really relaxes me). Once I am relaxed I see the situation from a different perspective. So, if I am finding the time to meditate it really is in the benefit of all and therefore I must NOT feel guilty for finding that time.

Second, I decided that one of the form of meditation is to become aware of my thoughts. Thats it! Just become aware, not important to do anything about it. Just be aware. For this I really did not need to sit inside a closed room with the lights dim, I could do it while making the bed, washing the dishes or any other activities.

Third, I set small targets for myself. I would be happy with seven to ten minutes of meditation time with my eyes closed just before dinner.

Fourth, I always..without fail..was very grateful for whatever time I could manage for meditation.

This has worked very well for me. I have the same people at home demanding the same attention and time but I somehow have all the time I want to read whatever interests me, meditate for as long as I want..for which I am ever so grateful..:)

Moon_Glow · #8 21-12-2015, 03:27 PM

Thanks for all the advice guys!

This is all really helping us a lot!

wolfgaze - This advice was great! Only problem... we share a car! And on the days when he doesn't bring me to work I carpool with my mother-in-law... yea we work together... and are the only 2 employees in a small office! When I am alone in the car though it is excellent "me time"!

Aham Brahmasmi - Thank you for this! These great tips have helped turn mundane tasks into to with myself by being completely aware of the thoughts coming into my mind.

Thank you all very much :)

Jyotir · #9 22-12-2015, 05:35 AM

Hi Moon_Glow,

(apologies - have not read previous replies)...

Although traditionally most people meditate for a longer amount of time at a regular time...

There are many people who meditate effectively many times a day for short periods of time, even for 3 or 5 minutes.

You can do this the very first thing when you wake up to start your day - even for one or two minutes. (ex: offer gratitude for waking up!)

One advantage of this approach is spreading out the practice incrementally throughout the day. It becomes an inspiring challenge to 'steal' the time and place for something important - and it should be thought of that way - a brief interlude which makes one more mindful of the necessity on an ongoing basis.

The other advantage is that one may develop and quickly achieve by necessity of the approach, an intensity that might otherwise take much longer with a more 'lengthy', 'relaxed' approach, i.e. sitting for 30 minutes or an hour. Quite often longer sitting lulls one into complacency, even sleep. It may take virtually the whole session to quiet down the mind, etc.

But if you know you only have 5 minutes and are vigilant, you can often get right down to business immediately and have an elevating experience. That in itself is of value, which might otherwise take months or years the 'traditional' way.

It's the quality and intensity that matters - not the amount of time (especially in the beginning. When you go further, your own soul will begin instructing on when and how long, etc.)

You could also try meditating while doing mundane tasks which are simple or somewhat automatic - like raking leaves, walking, etc. Chanting can also be incorporated.

Just a few suggestions.
Best wishes in your journey.

~ J