i want to go back home to God is that wrong?

Ho GerryGirl,
I can relate to you and your experiences as my life too was challenging from the day I became aware I was alive. I too went through an abusive marriage and fled to a country with my three kids. No child support, no help from the government or family. There was one challenge after another and I had the same thoughts as you do, but I was not willing to give up and believed I was doing something "wrong". Things did not get better for me until I left that belief behind me. As long as I was thinking (of course unconsciously) that I was doing something wrong it continued to be my experience. I created the circumstances around me which validated that I truly was doing something wrong....and I was....I was believing in a belief that was not according to the truth. The belief was wrong.

Your underlying belief is creating your experience. Ask yourself....why is this happening to me? And write it done what comes to you. What "comes to you" is your belief. To remove a belief simply hold it up to the light of your consciousness knowing that beliefs are concepts....and not based on the Truth of simply being. In the light of your awareness the belief is pulled by it's roots and opens you to new experiences.

Life is meant to be joyous and can be experienced as joyous once the belief that is holding you back from experiencing a joyous life is removed.