it hurts so much :(

[Christine]

TF, false TF, unrequited love or not. maybe it is all the same but moving along/letting them go/wanting to be happy again is basically letting go of yourself, it feels like dying and knowing you will NEVER experience this again because you're letting go of your soul, is that even possible. its so painful. this is like the death of a star dissolving in space, offering itself up for whatever is to come.
The special fragrance of love we get from each being/experience/place were we are so one with the experience can never be replaced, but there is a greater thing just called existence which we are more at one with than everything else. Love is still happening 'inside' the experience of the totality of life.
This is like your beloved pet dying and taking a piece of it with you into the atmosphere. Will you never buy and love another pet again? no. It would be silly. this is the most beautiful and sad thing at the same time. wailing in tears right now and my only sense of comfort is that we all experience this. So i know something new and fresh is waiting for me but still, THIS love..... :( I love this person with my entire being, not even with my entire being..AS my entire being.... I also dont know what hurts more. Knowing you can't live without them, or knowing you can, and life will be just as full, that you will look at them through the eyes of your new experience and know 'wow, this person basically killed who i once was'. I do realize now we are just the space of experience. Something feels so incredibly sad right now :( :( i miss him so much :( nothing is meant to last, it is just a constant process of little and big deaths and births. And the TF we keep trying to revive when we know everything else ends and changes into something new.

[Sugar-n-Spice]

I know it hurts *hugs*. The thing is you will realise as time goes on that nothing is lost. This love will live forever and will forever be a part of you and a part of him. When the love returns to yourself and you heal more it will be more clear then. Be strong my friend i know the pain is indescribable but you will make it through *hugs*

[Christine]

by the way for the sake of funny 'coincidences' (yet how many non coincidences happen the rest of the day)
yesterday i felt i had to forget him and a short while later my body became freezing cold. like i started shaking and my fingertips were blue. Maybe from my 'heart' closing or something...this is what i felt. but i saw the time and it was 11:11pm.
anyway.....none of this sign stuff is helping me live a normal life lol. now its 11:04 and i'm shaking my leg. wow!!! haha.

[Christine]

Originally Posted by Sugar-n-Spice

I know it hurts *hugs*. The thing is you will realise as time goes on that nothing is lost. This love will live forever and will forever be a part of you and a part of him. When the love returns to yourself and you heal more it will be more clear then. Be strong my friend i know the pain is indescribable but you will make it through *hugs*

Thank you. I have gone through this process a few times. The first time i became so scared it made me chase him. The second time i felt helpless and felt my soul literally slip out of my body into 'outside', left me with a feeling of huge black hole in my chest area and very deep depression and sense of total worthlessness. when it filled up again he came back in the picture (in my memory). But i haven't spoken to him now. this time the black hole was very faint. .... I know i don't want to feel that feeling of worthlessness again.

Christine. I know I dont know you, but my heart knows your suffering.

Nothing I can say will be of help, only "time".

But you will get "through" it.

There can be no other way.

Be gentle with your pain...allow it to flow like water, it will come in waves.

Time...time...only...time.

[Shivani Devi]

Thank you, Christine. Everything you said is true there!

I let go of my own soul and surrendered it all up 6 days ago now, just cried and screamed all of the unconditional love out of my soul and my life has never been the same since.

My astral TF is with me always and I wouldn't say he's a part of me, even though he is sometimes, when I let myself totally feel that and be in that moment, but for the most part, he's just walking beside me, holding my hand along life's journeys. I like it this way...just to know he's there whenever I need him, just to know he can fill my heart and soul with love anytime I want that to happen...it's just that it's so intense for me, I try not to often...even though that love feeling is always there.

As for that beloved pet thing...yeah, my puppy dog is 14yrs old now, bless him...half blind, arthritis everywhere, has 'wobbly days'...sleeps a lot, doesn't eat much now, only picks...he's only got a few months left IMO...I'll get another puppy when he dies though, but I won't for about 6 months or so....even though I love the company of a pet, I need to have my own space for a while too.

[Blissful]

Dear Christine,

I'm sorry for what you are going through.

Simply put it hurts as much as we let it hurt. It might sound pretty bland but that's the truth underlying it.

If you notice pain is actually a pity party that you really don't want to be part of but are setting your teeth and going through it involuntarily. Why stay in the party?? Exit as soon as possible. From my somewhat vast experience on pain (I don't know of anyone who has gone through half the hell of what I've been through) I can claim to be an expert on it (lol) yet I get hit by it pretty badly and still do go through those phases. The key I feel is to find a way to let it pass quickly (could be minutes, hours or days as required)... feel the pain, shed the tears, focus on something else that needs your attention (like doing chores if you find too much time on hand) and exit it ASAP. Managing it efficiently is required (at least for me).

Pain is not bad because I tend to think it has ushered in a tremendous amount of growth. Was it destined, no idea... but did I make use of it as a teacher, yes... in fact I embrace it without condemning my highly sensitive nature because it shows the work that needs to be done... not in hardening my heart (which was a totally failed strategy) but in softening it towards myself and others. I once was my biggest critic but not anymore... I see the suffering I am in and give myself space to break down, rebuild and come back stronger. Above all I love myself and am more compassionate and tender in my thoughts directed internally. I have understood that its highly possible that no one can love me like I need to be loved because I am probably that difficult to understand and tiresome to manage (I guess I come across as a stubborn n know-it-all kind of person). Initially it hurt when my TF too misunderstood/shunned me and I felt a lot of pain... but when I started tenderly speaking words of kindness and love to myself in total understanding of the hell I have gone through (that has made me a little erratic) I found it easier to get over anything anyone else did and the pain as well. Everyone has battles to fight that we know nothing off so I feel its best to not make harsh judgements about them... if I don't get it I just remind myself that people are weak and in their weaknesses they make mistakes and/or hurt others... just like I do every single day!!

Lets each of us who are going through pain, grief and suffering... make it count by becoming better versions of ourselves, and, loving ourselves and others more compassionately.

tc
-Blissful

[Christine]

Originally Posted by Blissful

Dear Christine,

I'm sorry for what you are going through.

Simply put it hurts as much as we let it hurt. It might sound pretty bland but that's the truth underlying it.

If you notice pain is actually a pity party that you really don't want to be part of but are setting your teeth and going through it involuntarily. Why stay in the party?? Exit as soon as possible.

Pain is not bad because I tend to think it has ushered in a tremendous amount of growth. Was it destined, no idea... but did I make use of it as a teacher, yes... in fact I embrace it without condemning my highly sensitive nature because it shows the work that needs to be done... not in hardening my heart (which was a totally failed strategy) but in softening it towards myself and others. I once was my biggest critic but not anymore... I see the suffering I am in and give myself space to break down, rebuild and come back stronger. Above all I love myself and am more compassionate and tender in my thoughts directed internally. I have understood that its highly possible that no one can love me like I need to be loved because I am probably that difficult to understand and tiresome to manage (I guess I come across as a stubborn n know-it-all kind of person). Initially it hurt when my TF too misunderstood/shunned me and I felt a lot of pain... but when I started tenderly speaking words of kindness and love to myself in total understanding of the hell I have gone through (that has made me a little erratic) I found it easier to get over anything anyone else did and the pain as well. Everyone has battles to fight that we know nothing off so I feel its best to not make harsh judgements about them... if I don't get it I just remind myself that people are weak and in their weaknesses they make mistakes and/or hurt others... just like I do every single day!!

Lets each of us who are going through pain, grief and suffering... make it count by becoming better versions of ourselves and loving ourselves and others more compassionately.

tc
-Blissful

thank you, I agree with you totally. I could see after all this how from the perspective of my TF, i am a bit looney as well. I mean imagine him just looking at this person being in wretching pain, of course he would probably freak out and not really know what to do. Actually now that you say it this reminds me once I did cry in front of him and he became so uncomfortable and said he never knows what to do when a girl cries. because i think something in him knows if he were to 'hug' it out or something he might be feeling he is supporting a pity party. this stuff confused me though because it makes me wonder "am i spending time with someone who has no heart?"

[Blissful]

Originally Posted by Christine

this stuff confused me though because it makes me wonder "am i spending time with someone who has no heart?"

Aww, I don't think so. Most guys have no idea how to manage an emotional situation. Very few know that girls just need a little affection and understanding to get better. Also societal norms make the guys into projected tough cookies that makes them only identify with toughness. Teary emotions are alien to most of them and they will probably run or get angry unless they have a certain level of maturity. I think its normal and you shouldn't read too much into it.

tc
-Blissful

Originally Posted by Blissful

Most guys have no idea how to manage an emotional situation. Very few know that girls just need a little affection and understanding to get better.

Teary emotions are alien to most of them and they will probably run or get angry unless they have a certain level of maturity. I think its normal and you shouldn't read too much into it.

tc
-Blissful

Christine, my apologies if this is slightly off topic, please allow me permission to defend (my brothers)men a little.

With utmost respect to all parties I wish to contend the above quoted statement/s. In the spirit of truth.

Blissful, I am happy you have used the word "most" men.

truth is, I am here because I also suffer now.

Ive been crying all week. every day. every hour. since about june 11th. when I suddenly lost my best friend to a betrayal. I wasn't expecting to be so shaken by this, but in the 4 years I knew her, we did everything together, literally 24/7. I didnt have one day/ night we spent apart as we were roommates. but that was just the beginning, of a more painful and inconsolable issue which arose out of it.

I do not want to suffer through self pity. that is nonsense to me. I am grieving the loss.

Self pity is not taking place when we actually cry.

self -pity is a "funk" we get into. which leads us to destructive behaviours. like binge eating etc.

Crying is the most honest and real thing we can do. It is when we become MOST connected to whatever you want to call the source.



So, I believe that your TF is hurting too. Mature or not.

Most Men do cry. Some guys like me do not show it to others, many guys like myself think, we are burdening others if we show it. it is our pain, why make it others problems? they cant fix us so why make thier life harder?
it is distorted logic. but its is how men are under duress.
yet, this is the mind of a man with compassion. the problem is the woman wants that closeness, she wants to share it. and this becomes an impasse. Where the man and woman do not understand each others processes.


So I believe your TF , IS suffering. I did not read what happened between you. But I am certain he is also hurting and probably crying. and unless he is a psychopath and has no emotions(disabled emotionally), he is feeling the hurt. But I do not believe you would want this for him anyway, even though you are hurting?

I utterly agree with the idea that culturally in the west, we have been brought up to "take it like a man" or "men are sissies if they cry" or." hold it together, be strong" etc. But yours and the younger generation, to me, is not this way.

We(you and me) share the same grief process right now. So you are not alone.

Thank you for allowing me to share on your thread, and I wish great peace to both Blissful and to you.

this :( becomes this :) !