panics since strange incident

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by annabelle239

I hardly even recognize myself.

It's necessary that you experience losing yourself (your 'old self') before you can re-invent (rebuild) yourself and ultimately end up finding the real you inside (your true nature). While going through the longer process of transformative internal growth - it comes with the territory that you find yourself letting go of former beliefs and perceptions that you once held onto and applied to yourself. You let go of the mental thoughtforms and images that you had created for yourself and formerly identified with. Sure it's uncomfortable in some ways, and you feel like you're headed into uncharted waters - but it ends up leading you somewhere beautiful. And yes there's also times where it's natural (expected) to feel like you're going a bit 'crazy', hehe... You work through it. You will center/balance yourself again and come to experience a unique state of being that is unlike anything you had previously been accustomed to.

[annabelle239]

Thanks for the responses everybody. Every one is helpful. I've actually come to the conclusion after waking up feeling so heartbroken that i think i want to move out of this apartment. It's not helping my stresses and I feel sometimes a lifestyle change is easier then trying to fix every little wrong and the healing modalities that come with it that I end up having to pay for. From food that doesn't cook properly(whether in microwave or oven),to hearing every little noise which bothers me,to the air here feeling so dry that my skin has become dry and i don't have a dry skin type and i get allergies daily here that i haven't had to deal with daily since i was in high school plus lots of other little problems here,some i'd rather not share. I woke up feeling like i can let the stress of staying here or deal with the stress of having to move out and feel the stress of moving out would be less then the stress of living here. It's been two months almost, living here and this place still stresses me out. So on top of being in a place i don't like,i've had the anxieties i've been working through since after the strange incident in spring and the inner work i've started in spring which brought unconscious things to the surface to be cleared. I actually thought I was going to die soon until i realized i'm just changing a lot and clearing a lot of limiting beliefs. I've undergone a lot of transformation from changing focuses and throwing things away to changing my look a little bit and even little things like renewing id for the first time in years and getting the practical things together so it's definitely symbolic. It definitely sounds like a lot of stuff going on at once and i don't want to be that person who always has heavy things the are dealing with. I want my energy to be light and breezy. The only good from this apartment is i am losing a bit of weight even though i'm not working out more(stress and eating less since cooking here doesn't work so well). The last time i remember life feeling care free was march and april. Since then it's just been heavy. This morning while thinking about it all trying to figure out what is going on i even pondered the possibility of psychic attack so i've been setting intentions that any negative energy sent to me has no effect on me. I know i will be ok and am making more substantial progress but i do feel getting out of this apartment will help and may be worth the inconvience. I live in a city where getting out of an apartment early is not that difficult plus i can't help but feel this place isn't even up to code. I've burned incense,burned sage,i bought crystals,i've set intentions,i've cleaned it,i've changed decorations things that came with the place,i even bought a beautiful wall decal with a positive quote i love reminding me to stay positive that i put up in my living room,i''ve bought things to try and change the air in here and all has only made a small difference. I even had an angel mirror thing i love that was a gift from my mom and reminded me of a transitioned loved one fall and crack while here.

[CrystalSong]

Getting a new place is resonating with me as a very wise and healthy thing to do right now. I'm so glad you thought of it!!

[annabelle239]

I'm even thinking of staying with my dad at this point just to get out of here asap. Even with more clarity coming to me so i feel calmer and less illogical,i cant get over how creepy this house is. It practically looks like a shack and makes me feel like i live in the country which creeps me out as city living makes me feel safer. Hearing every little noise here bothers me. I like the sound of the public transit train and the expressway that i hear but i also hear the sound of muffled conversations,the railroad train and railroad train workers at random hours of the night and every little sound of the outside. The back and sides of this place are creepy. If iwanted to committ suicide,i'd have to just walk outside,walk a few steps and go up the stairs and go on the train tracks. The house is driving me nuts. There
s more wrong here then i've even mentioned. I just don't feel soothed living in a place like this. Next door the neighbors even leave their doors open which creeps me out. You can see their basements and through their house.

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by annabelle239

I'm even thinking of staying with my dad at this point just to get out of here asap. Even with more clarity coming to me so i feel calmer and less illogical,i cant get over how creepy this house is. It practically looks like a shack and makes me feel like i live in the country which creeps me out as city living makes me feel safer. Hearing every little noise here bothers me. I like the sound of the public transit train and the expressway that i hear but i also hear the sound of muffled conversations,the railroad train and railroad train workers at random hours of the night and every little sound of the outside. The back and sides of this place are creepy. If iwanted to committ suicide,i'd have to just walk outside,walk a few steps and go up the stairs and go on the train tracks. The house is driving me nuts. There
s more wrong here then i've even mentioned. I just don't feel soothed living in a place like this. Next door the neighbors even leave their doors open which creeps me out. You can see their basements and through their house.

For the time being, try playing some Classical music while you're at home... It can serve to help calm your nerves and relax your mind... Youtube search 'Chopin Nocturnes' or 'Vivaldi Cello Concertos'

[annabelle239]

Landlord will be talked to tomorrow. I have a place to stay,too until i have a new apartment. The other day,even just driving by apartments that were possibilities made me feel such a sense of relief. The other day a girl here even without being prompted in anyway or knowing how much i despise the place said she gets bad vibes here and that this place has a lot of bad history. Maybe she is the superstisious type i don't know. I don't like where i'm going to have to stay but at the least it'll give me some peace of mind and sanity until i have my new place. The thoughts in my mind here haven't just been negative,but downright disturbing.

[CrystalSong]

Interesting story I just heard the other day. When they were building the Denver International airport they kept having trouble with this one section that was to have an underground train connecting terminals. The construction problems they had were far far beyond mathematical probability so they decided to call in a Native Shaman to check it out and give suggestions.
He told them they were trying to put the underground railroad through an ancestral grave yard and it was disturbing the Spirits and instead to put it up high over the ground and to play native American music through out that whole section and everything should be just fine.

So to this day there's a section of the underground tram system that suddenly comes out of the ground and up and over arching over a patch of land while playing Native music before plunging back underground and returning to whatever is normally played! LOL

The point is, if bad things are happening and you are getting weirded out - don't assume you are at fault, it could be that it's a place that shouldn't have been built on. It happens.

[annabelle239]

Originally Posted by CrystalSong

Interesting story I just heard the other day. When they were building the Denver International airport they kept having trouble with this one section that was to have an underground train connecting terminals. The construction problems they had were far far beyond mathematical probability so they decided to call in a Native Shaman to check it out and give suggestions.
He told them they were trying to put the underground railroad through an ancestral grave yard and it was disturbing the Spirits and instead to put it up high over the ground and to play native American music through out that whole section and everything should be just fine.

So to this day there's a section of the underground tram system that suddenly comes out of the ground and up and over arching over a patch of land while playing Native music before plunging back underground and returning to whatever is normally played! LOL

The point is, if bad things are happening and you are getting weirded out - don't assume you are at fault, it could be that it's a place that shouldn't have been built on. It happens.

That is interesting! I have to be honest..I never thought I'd be in a situation like this. I'm not the type to believe in ghosts or places being haunted or that type of thing and now I feel I'm literally leaving a place because of that. I mean,i don't really know why i'm leaving here except that I just feel bad here..It is weird and I feel i'll look back on this as one of the weirder incidents of my life. A friend today said the way this place was built seems awkward like it's trying to cover something up..maybe even just to save money to have more units in the place. Looks like this will be my last night here. I knew since the day I got here I wouldn't end up staying here long and tried many ways to make this place feel nicer. I look at the things I bought to try and make this place feel nicer and can't help but smile because in any place that's normal to what i'm used to, I wouldn't have been trying that hard as I usually don't feel the need to. Just seen a cute apartment listing for a place in my price range that has a cute little patio in the back and laundry in the building so that is a possibility.

[annabelle239]

It's been a chaotic few days but honestly there's been a lot of relief in the process. Since staying at a different place (although i'm still going back and forth) for some parts of the day I have felt such an increase in my vibe and clarity while there. I was really resistant at first,to staying there and being at my place,and my body would react with crazy allergies of non-stop sneezing but finally i told myself i can't make myself sick with all this stress so tried to throughout this process try to just be more allowing..if nothing else for the sake of wellbeing. Since then the allergies have been pretty much gone and there has been some things to be grateful for through the process so focusing on that has helped. I have been cleansing my energy of any negative energy sent to me from others and setting intentions. Have looked at some apartments and had some very good luck. Landlords willing to cut rent for me to move in,some willing to let me move in right away,shorten leases,and going out of their way to follow up and show and say they really want me at their place. Some of it has seemed divinely orchestrated by the universe.

Well,I did think I had a place chosen and all set for moving into this weekend. It was a place where one of them was willing to cut down the rent a little and seemed eager to move in and it was beautiful on the inside. A lovely older woman who had such a good vibe showed the place and lived in the building. It seemed it may have been mostly older woman in the building living there which i thought seemed nice. I got a good vibe about the place and it seemed all was set. It was amazing how simple this was all seeming but then I decided to research the block as I always do before moving and right away the first things that pop up is the place is famous for being gang territory. I was shocked. I'd never seen anything like this before. Even looking into it a bit more,only seemed to confirm more info that it was not a safe area. I felt conflicted,still because i really wanted to move asap and the place felt like such a good vibe,I had such a good feeling and it seemed divinely orchestrated. After some thinking about it,I felt no longer in alignment with the place and got a bad feeling but still had small thoughts about it as a possibility even though i also hurried up and came up with a bunch of other rental listings to call about. Before bed,I felt so lost,as I really didn't want to make another wrong decision so asked the universe to please give me a sign or anything,even in my dreams and that i really need guidance on what to do and i had a dream shortly upon waking at looking at another place and liking it. I then looked at a place that in hindsight DID kind of look like the place in my dream and I loved this place upon first walking in. It was a bit more modest but still very nice.It had a good vibe and the outside had a nicer vibe then the other place. It was cheaper,on the opposite side of town,closer to a train,across the street from my favorite park,and the landlord seemed to have a more honest vibe,too. Very tell it like it is about what he thought about the place and the area which i liked. Right away,i liked this place a lot better and felt i could picture myself moving in here. I was even able to picture it,even though the last place when i tried,i actually had a block before i found out what I did.

I then decided to go back to the other place and just see how i feel over there. I was feeling really calm and something was telling me either decision would be the right one for me and safe and was going to go for a short walk and even noticed actually this place is a short walk from my old place i loved. Well,I seen something that I didn't think much of ,but my eyes I guess kind of stayed on without realizing when all of a sudden this this person i had been staring at started shouting at me and who i was with in a way that was very suspicious and intimidating. It caught my friend off guard and he tried to act normal as he drove us off right away. That was our sign. That place was a no. It was right by the place I had gotten the bad research on. It was crazy how that happened then friend revealed he actually showed this girl pictures of our place and she said she didn't like the place and got a bad vibe about it,too and there had been a small tag on the door which had been something i'd considered a red flag but landlord said it was nothing just some kids messing around and area was fine and tenants all lived there for years with no issues. The girl who looked at the picture disagreed and said it's a bad sign. So,yeah,was very crazy how this all happened and part of me from all the fear still i need to work through was feeling worried about any place and just powerless. i know no matter what i still need to cleanse my vibe and change my focus becaue i'm literally attracting things i can't stop focusing on and fearing. I have a lot of fear to heal. By night,down to two places that are options. The place with the thug,landlord was already told no but there was another place that was kind of eh to me because it is a garden apartment and can't move into that one until november 1rst but the lady there really wants me and person i'd be moving with to move there and even saying if it's meant to be,it will be and willing to wait for us to look at other options first. I like the sense of safety there and how much of a community it feels like in that unit. Also,got some advice from someone who lives in this neighborhood that all places were at from someone who has lived there his whole life and is very well known in the community and he said that the two options left are the two safest parts of the neighborhood and to stay away from the area that is where the thug incident happened because that's the really bad part and explained the cut off of the bad part and where it begins and starts and the good parts. He said the place with the garden apartment(he knows the landlords,too) is the safest block of the neighborhood you could possibly live but he'd choose the other one(the one i like a lot)because he doesn't like garden apartments. But,both are very safe and fine areas. So,that's where i'm at. I've also calmed down about the place i still have a little and even feel the neighbors are harmless as is the area,but that the issue is more a health one and/or bad vibes one that's messing with my mind. I notice when i walk into the bedroom,that's when I feel a large increase in chest constriction which is quite odd...it makes me wonder if that's a room where something happened..

Regardless of all this,I'm glad to have calmed down as the stress was showing up in so many ways. I also feel that even now and once I have a place,I still need to learn the self defense and learn the psychology and mind techniques of creating calm and feelings of safety.