Is these enough signs of abusive?

[Elric]

life.love.regret your 'gaydar' ringing a bell too?

Sounds just like a guy I knew ......

Wolfgaze, I'm with you, it certainly would not be pretty, not at all. Trouble looking for a place to be.

[annabelle239]

Originally Posted by life.love.regret.

I meant he's probably gay.

I knew somebody who was just like this. You could have been writing about him. Same issues, same attitude, same everything. Turns out he was gay and really didn't want to be.

Well,who knows. Maybe could be. For awhile I once thought a guy i dated might be gay or bisexual but to this day,he is still only in relationships with women. He had showed signs to me he might be gay though this person hasn't. I've seen him in moments that seemed a bit peverted that didn't seem staged. Quite frankly,he even seems like a hornball,but a repressed one. Then again,who knows. It is odd how scared of women he seems,i had thought it could be a culture thing. He may be very inexperienced. Considering I now have a weird past dating a very very inexperienced guy early this year,it wouldn't actually surprise me. You never really know about people. Maybe he is a virgin,though I believe he's had a serious gf before,but i could be mistaken.

[annabelle239]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

Annabelle, how do you think this individual would act (react) if he were dating someone and that someone decided to break things off with him? If he treats people he's not even in a relationship with the way that you describe - I'd be real concerned about how he would handle being broken up with and in his mind 'rejected'.... I bet it wouldn't be pretty... If he's displaying such strong insecurity issues and antisocial behavior prior to someone even being in a relationship with him, you can imagine this behavior would be intensified should he be in a relationship and then have that taken away from him...

That's one thing I've thought about recently. If he's shut me out the way he has because of whatever misunderstanding,wouldn't it be even worse if he did this in some early stage of dating? A real flaw of our friendship is we never really communicated much past the surface how are you type talk,which made it real easy for this to transpire. For some reason,he never really let me in. What hurts most of all is that the night after he kissed me,he knew how worried i was about losing our friendship. But,then we talked everyday(which we'd never done before) and all because i didn't show up to his stupid party shortly after,he's been treating me like i don't exist now. And,it's been bad luck since then.It's really immature.

[LadyMay]

My step-dad was an unconscious gay, he was also narcissistic and abusive, and has all the childish traits you listed.

From experience I'd really say don't get involved with this guy. It sounds like you're making excuses to yourself too as to why he's 'ok'. Don't do that unless you want to end up in trouble. I know it's nice to see things through rose coloured glasses but it never pays well.

Originally Posted by annabelle239

How does it seem they are being used?

Maybe I was unintentionally ambiguous. I meant, the girl in question sounds like they're being used, looking at the list of the man's symptoms.

I'm not really sure how the last paragraph relates to this. This person can't do anything for their career.

It related to your last (full) paragraph. I'll have to edit this post to go back to quote the lead in.... "meanwhile,the dynamics are the woman in this scenario on the outside looking in has a lot going for her. beautiful,successful,sensitive, but from the wrong side of town and doesn't make a lot of money and has trouble making friends.he feels she is out of his league"

Your closing statement was part of it. I was trying to relate it to my experience. The man seems to have a mix of selfish interest with an eye to ownership, hence questioning her "league", in which he doesn't see himself. In such a situation, my guard would come up. But I have met women who would take advantage of a man in that situation.

I thought i could spot signs by now,but it seems everyone has some sides of them that are dark,and it's just about finding those who have an overall good vibe.

Yes. And there's always the danger in generalising. I'd be the first to say that you can never get to know someone on first appearance or a couple of dates but as things go on, warnings may emerge. There might be clues to a violent temperament, a readiness to use his money to advantage (over a girl), sings of jealousy and caging a girl in - things like that, that the girl may find undesirable. People on this forum often put down "judging" others but judgements are necessary in settling ones relationships.

Hope that clears up any ambiguity. I probably shouldn't have responded because of cultural differences between the US and the UK, and in the UK between the town in which I live - cosmopolitan and liberal to say the least, and the rest of the UK !

[HMyBodhisattva]

Originally Posted by annabelle239

He was black out drunk when he said that to the girl and the girl is a tough type girl who tends to stand up for herself well and is one of his closer friends. Im sure she wasnt afraid of him for that but just annoyed. I don't really like those kind of jokes either and when he said that remember thinking this is too much drama but knew he clearly was just offended and super drunk and not right in the head. That's the drunkest i've ever seen him. I'm really sorry for what happened with you and your ex husband.

Aww thanks. Being drunk isn't much of an excuse though. imo

I would say be careful of this person.

[annabelle239]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Maybe I was unintentionally ambiguous. I meant, the girl in question sounds like they're being used, looking at the list of the man's symptoms.
It related to your last (full) paragraph. I'll have to edit this post to go back to quote the lead in.... "meanwhile,the dynamics are the woman in this scenario on the outside looking in has a lot going for her. beautiful,successful,sensitive, but from the wrong side of town and doesn't make a lot of money and has trouble making friends.he feels she is out of his league"

Your closing statement was part of it. I was trying to relate it to my experience. The man seems to have a mix of selfish interest with an eye to ownership, hence questioning her "league", in which he doesn't see himself. In such a situation, my guard would come up. But I have met women who would take advantage of a man in that situation.

Yes. And there's always the danger in generalising. I'd be the first to say that you can never get to know someone on first appearance or a couple of dates but as things go on, warnings may emerge. There might be clues to a violent temperament, a readiness to use his money to advantage (over a girl), sings of jealousy and caging a girl in - things like that, that the girl may find undesirable. People on this forum often put down "judging" others but judgements are necessary in settling ones relationships.

Hope that clears up any ambiguity. I probably shouldn't have responded because of cultural differences between the US and the UK, and in the UK between the town in which I live - cosmopolitan and liberal to say the least, and the rest of the UK !

Ah,I was going to say if it related to another post i made,I was drawing up scenarios for several people in the post about dark love,and not just one person. Maybe this person was being used,though in some ways.