How long does the longing last? I can't anymore...

[Katastrophic]

I'm really at the end of my rope with this entire thing. Seriously. To be honest, before meeting my twin flame (I really can't even stand that phrase) I was never ever a spiritual person. I could probably count on two hands how many times I have ever even been to church. I barely even knew what the heck a soul mate was and I thought the word meditation was a yoga pose. But on 1/22 of this year is when TF came in to my life. For a few months before meeting him I was honestly genuinely happy. I even told my husband a few times "I don't know why but I feel like I finally just love myself". Then the 11:11's started popping up, and of course I just wrote that stuff off, but I did notice it A LOT, along with some very very weird coincidences that just kept on happening to me. Anyway, I started looking for answers to what in the heck I was feeling about 5 months after meeting him (we work together) and I finally found my answer. At first I laughed and denied, denied, denied...until the synchronicities literally chased me 24-7 to the point of bringing me a panic attack or two because they freaked me out so bad. His name is literally spelled backwards in mine. The first letter of my parents and siblings names spell out his whole first name.

So I'll spare the rest of details but to anyone who has come out of the other side of this, how long does this nagging pull/longing last for? We work in the same building but even when he is in the other room I just feel this slight tugging towards him, it's so crazy to me I can't even explain it. Then we say our goodbyes and I get home and start to miss him like no other! It's just so crazy to me because I've NEVER felt this before in my life, I've never been a co-dependent person. Some days I'll come home and be fine for a few hours and breath a sigh of relief but then without fail it always starts up again. It literally feels like my soul is trying to jump out of me to go be with him. I tell myself over and over and over that we literally can never be together, we are both married, I have a daughter and he has two, plus we have a huge age gap. I love this person more than I ever thought I had the capacity to love anyone or anything, it makes me nauseous thinking about it How long does this go on for?! I have no idea if he even feels the same way.

[Seenthelight]

Almost 9 years here. We used to work together and then I had to leave as it got too much. Was thinking about him too much nd thinking too much of him. Both married, never spoke about how we felt. Things intensified from the day i hnded my notice in (i gave 5 weeks) and i think others we worked with began to notice. Day after I left he went on holiday for a week, I was consumed with grief, like my soul hd been ripped out. That was 6 years ago. I can go long periods of weeks/months nd lthough he invades my thoughts daily there is no emotion other than relief noth8ng happened. Then just out of nowhere things intesify again.
I suppose it is like a grieving...but for something i didnt want? For something I could have hd? I have no idea. I have lost 3 family members to cancer in the last three years and never geieved for them in the sme way.
I come back to these forums every year or so as it is the only form of support i can find.
It does get easier but if you two are still working together dont expect that to happen any time soon :(

[Clover]

Originally Posted by Katastrophic

I was never ever a spiritual person. I could probably count on two hands how many times I have ever even been to church. more than I ever thought I had the capacity to love anyone or anything, it makes me nauseous thinking about it How long does this go on for?! I have no idea if he even feels the same way.

What do you think being "spiritual" is.. ? In my opinion, if you keep thinking it's something external and found in another person, your more likely going the wrong way...

I was in a similar position. I actually was married when I joined the forum. I had similar experiences, a deep longing for something greater, in hindsight I feel my soul was crying and longing to be liberated from my than current circumstances. I don't feel replacing one person for another ( even the focus of it) is really going to make you feel any happier or 'complete'. In most cases, that is one way ticket to self suffering.

Imho, I feel focusing on the sycns and signs are probably going to do more harm to you than good. I am only saying this because I have read enough posts throughout the years to witness this. I am 11 in numerology, I was born on 1/01 and I see 11:11 more times than I can count and I am still partner less and waiting to win the lottery

I am just saying, look deeper ( introspectively) it most likely has nothing to do with this person and everything to do with yourself. Your presumed identity and the shedding of who you think you are or wanted to be. Your role as a wife, mother, and working mother. Ask yourself do these roles define you and what areas can you improve. Don't feel ashamed to dig deep and be honest with yourself, it's going to be confronted eventually. Journal it when your alone. Get to know yourself and root of what is causing a disconnection with your spirit/soul. Look into it without focusing so much on the other person.

[ssdm1]

I'm sorry to say it may never completely go away. It will lessen eventually but you're very newly into this. I've been in this 30 years.

I grew up with my twin, best friends, dated in school, then we seperated for 20+ years. We never knew of twin flames but knew we had a special deep bond. Several months ago he came crashing back into my life, adults now. Immediately that longing for him came back and this is where it gets even more complicated. We're both free but he is terrified to change what we do have for fear of losing me altogether. So we're stuck longing, loving, seeing each other, but never able to make a permanent relationship. I've finally gotten to the point really looking at myself, my life and knowing I want him in it and he wants me in his life. We'll never be apart, but never completely together either. We were together this week then I really have a hard time being apart from him for a few days, then it lessens and I'm ok.

We just were talking about spirituality, neither of us are particularly spiritual but he knows what we have has a spiritual nature to it, but he isn't able to let himself fully feel it just yet.

He triggers challenges in me to make changes and to be my best and I think at this point in my life I was (unknowingly) in need of that and this is why he's suddenly back. You do need to really take a long look within yourself this is what is being triggered.

It can be insanity I understand.

[Kalika]

For me, a few years before the 'aha' moment. And yes, it is painful. Oh my gosh you sound very limerent. I know what that feels like.

The only advice I have is going no contact. Otherwise you are keeping yourself limerent (soulmate, TF or not).

I don't listen to signs, perhaps I should, but in reality I tend to go with the flow and if it flows over my head, well then I wasn't ready to see it. Anyone can read into something and make something out of it, hence it is better to switch off to signs and go with your gut feeling. For me, this is a better way to look at the world - by feeling, rather than searching, rationalising, etc.

Good luck and stay strong hun