Hi, There!

[LadyCaticorn]

Hello to everyone. :) My name is Kitty.

Not really sure what to say about myself; I don't think I'm very good at this sort of introductory thing. I will try, though.

I guess you could say that, from the beginning, throughout my whole life, I lived with my eyes cracked open.

However, I didn't know anyone similar to myself to either teach me or just be there to support me, so it was very confusing. I had no resources to learn from except myself, my intuition. Without any other guidance or knowledge to tell me that what I was feeling, experiencing, and my gifts were valid, it was very easy to be made to feel embarrassed and even ashamed of my spiritual side by family, peers, church, etc.

I put my spirituality on the backburner for years because of all this fear and pressure I was feeling to be "normal" or whatever, but at the same time, I never could 100% deny that part of myself because it was always too strong and had a way off leaking through whatever little cracks it could find.

My life hasn't been an easy one. I grew up in an abusive home, went on to have abusive relationships later on. I've been used a lot by people who would take advantage of my emapathetic and generous nature. I could be too nice for my own good. I've had my heart broken by just about everyone I had let into it. Then, I've been dealing with all sorts of health issues since I was a small child, but then at age 13 I came down with a neurological autoimmune disease that's worsened over the years to the point of leaving me mostly bed ridden. Because of this, I hardly have any human contact anymore, let alone many friends.

I apologize if that came out as too much, or seems really negative or something. I'm not asking for anyone's pity or to feel sorry for me or anything. These things are just the facts of my life.

It's because of all this hellishness, though, that I finally reached a point where I had to say enough was enough. I was so miserable and unhappy with my life and where it had ended up that I saw that I had reached a big fork in the road. One way meant life and the other was death. I was either going to give up or fight for myself. I decided that I wanted to live, so that meant that things needed to change.

So, I started working on myself. I started working on learning to be kind, loving, respectful and accepting towards myself. I started working to heal my past and understand myself better. I've been working on my relationship (?) with my illness, too, though that's still complicated for me.

I've always been very introspective, but there were just some things and parts of myself off limits that I was finally giving myself permission to explore.

Exploration and the seeking of more knowledge led to me becoming more open to my spiritual side and my gifts and learning to embrace them rather than be afraid or ashamed or embarrassed. It led to my eyes becoming wide open, to knowing my true self and true nature.

I'm not a perfect being, and I still have a lot of work to do on myself to release and heal my past, I still struggle at times, but that's ok. I've been learning more and more to be ok with NOT being perfect, that in fact, that would be quite boring. Without anything left to learn and grow from or explore or make what would there be?

So, that's my short story. It's more than what I meant to say. But, I feel like I've finally found a place with some like minded people for the first time in my life, so I might as well just go for it.

I'm naturally introverted and a bit.... reserved? you might say, so with that, my health, and just generally not seeming to having a lot in common with most people, I've always had a hard time making friends. But now that I'm here, I feel that I should at least try, or at the very least have people who are kind and supportive and understanding that I can talk to, because I can't keep trying to be and do everything all alone. Man (or woman) is not an island, and all that.

Also, there seems to be a lot of knowledgable people around here and I love to learn new things. :)

Well, that's all I have to say for now!

[Native spirit]

Hi LadyCaticorn,

Welcome To Spiritual Forums

Namaste

[Nephele]

Welcome, LadyCaticorn! Have an anagram alias:

Bedelia Victory Stardancer
= LadyCaticorn, a bit reserved

[Chrysalis]

Hi Kitty and welcome to SF!

[shoni7510]

Hello LadyCaticorn and welcome to spiritual forums and I hope you will enjoy it here.

[dream jo]

hi........................

[RobinoftheMoor]

Fundamentally, we are the ones who design our spiritual challenges in this dimension. Saying that--we do not give ourselves a life we cannot cope with, as fearsome and challenging as it may seem. May you learn the things your soul has designed for you. Welcome to these forums, and remember you are here for us as much as we are here for you.