Need Help on Making the Right Decision....

[Addicted2Spirituality]

Hi everyone! Hope everyone's doing great today!

I don't know if this was the right place to make this post but I figure I'd give it a shot. I do apologize if this was the wrong spot to post this topic.

So, as we all know, Spiritual Awakening happens when we go through struggles in our life, trauma, bad relationships, hitting rock bottom and plenty of other reasons, I'm sure. I'm not here to vent and tell you my whole life story, so, I'll give you a little summary. So, you have an idea.

The reason for my awakening is from my Narcissistic Parents, who made me into their Scapegoat. They knew how to control my emotions, through the roof but now that I'm aware of who they are and thankfully witnessing Spiritual Awakening, helped me out tramendously. They are no longer able to control me. Since, now I see them as lost causes, seeing them actually hurting deep inside and knowing they are actually sleeping zombies, allows me to move through my days even if they try to play mind games with me. I taught myself how to laugh inside while they try to use their manipulation tactics to get under my skin, using my laugher as a shield.

Now, that you know a brief little summary about me life. I'll now get into what I need help from you guys on.

I've read a whole lot about Spiritual Awakening experiences and how there's a time in our journey that we all come across having to make hard decisions, leaving a loved one, leaving a best friend, pretty much disconnecting ourselves from our old life (out with the old, in with the new). The problem that I'm struggling with is on leaving my dog/best friend behind with my enemies. The thing is, I don't have custody over him but I do spend most of my time with him, I pay the most attention to him, all around I know I care about him more then anyone, in which we just have this unexplainable connection between one another. Since, I'm the Scapegoat Child and my parents sees us bounding with each other, they know they can't control me, anymore. So, they moved onto him making him the Scapegoat. The thing is, I know I need to dissapear from my Narcissistic Parents for good to find the peace and the freedom, I want but I don't know if leaving my best friend behind, knowing they are going to be mean to him and say things to him to hate me is the right thing to do.

Is this the hard decision that everyone talks about being really difficult?

Do I really leave my best friend behind with my enemies and still being able to find the peace and the freedom, I want?

Having him in my life will truly complete my life but taking him with me could/will cause more of an issue with the Narcs.

What do I do?



Please share your experiences, if you could relate.

Thank you!

*Namaste*

[kkfern]

Drama. exit the drama. i am sure better things are waiting for you if you leave. if he is part of it, he will need to exit by and for himself.

kk

If he's worth his salt as a best friend, he won't be put off by others. He should come out in support if anything. If you doubt that you may as well move on anyway, see what happens.


.....

[Timothy]

You don't know what you've got until it's gone; If they're not trying to get rid of you then stick with it.

[Wandering_Star]

When you leave your parents behind, do you plan on leaving town, as well? How far away do you plan to go, to put space between you and them?

If you're going far away, and know you won't be coming back, just take the dog with you. What can they really do, in that case?

And if you choose not to take the dog, understand that nothing your parents say will change the way the dog feels about you. They can't turn him against you. Dogs' love and understanding is immune to narcissists' games.

Or, you can continue to put up with your parents until the dog eventually passes away, and then make a clean break. This might not be as impossible as it sounds.

Handling a relationship with a narcissist can actually work as long as you require nothing--not money, not shelter, not love, not understanding, not respect, and not even common courtesy--from them.

In my case, with my father, I knew he would say things to try to hurt me and throw me off-center, so I was prepared for that at every encounter. He'd be nice and charming, and I reminded myself that it was a trap. He'd spring the trap--and I'd either give him a bored, unimpressed look, or laugh at whatever he said, or just act as if I hadn't heard a thing. He wanted a defensive reaction out of me--and I just wouldn't give it to him. Everything he threw at me seemed to slide right off, but I also offered no resistance to it. I just let him be as he was.

Another thing: narcissists love to talk about themselves. I wish I'd learned this earlier, because once I learned that encouraging him to talk about what interested him got me off the hook, things got so much easier (especially telephone conversations). As long as he was talking about himself, with no interruptions and no attempts to argue about anything he said, his mind wasn't on setting traps for me. So I'd ask him about his interests, or for his opinion on something, and just let him go. And go. And go...

Also, in the final years of his life, I went into every encounter with him fully prepared to calmly leave at a moment's notice if his behavior was unacceptable. I still have the number of the taxi service in my hometown programmed into my phone, as a leftover from that time. We'd go to dinner, and I never went without cabfare and my most important belongings (wallet, plane ticket, jewelry) in my big shoulder bag, just in case I decided to bug out. I made sure I always had what I needed go straight to the airport and fly home (or get a hotel room overnight) if things got too toxic. And things never got that bad--but knowing I could just walk out gave me a tremendous sense of power over the situation.

I would have cut contact completely, but that would have created conflicts within my family that I felt were best avoided. In order to preserve certain relationships that meant a lot to me, I had to figure out how to maintain a peaceful relationship with my father. It was a very distant and superficial relationship, but what I learned about handling narcissists in the process has stood me in good stead since then--I just don't get sucked into other people's games, any more.

So perhaps you can still get what you want--time with your dog--while keeping their worst behaviors at bay, encouraging them to talk about themselves as much as they like, and remaining unaffected even when they act out. They won't change, but you can change your own reactions to their toxic N-behavior (both inner and outer), and enjoy the upper hand in the relationship without their ever realizing it.

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by kkfern

Drama. exit the drama. i am sure better things are waiting for you if you leave. if he is part of it, he will need to exit by and for himself.

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

If he's worth his salt as a best friend, he won't be put off by others. He should come out in support if anything. If you doubt that you may as well move on anyway, see what happens.

Just checking, did you two see the part where the OP indicated his best friend was a dog? Reading both of your replies it sounds like you are making reference to another person in the equation...

[Shaunc]

Offer to buy the dog.

[wolfgaze]

OP I can sympathize with your situation/circumstances.... My dog is like a best friend to me... I would not be able to leave him behind....

[revolver]

If there is a spiritual Awakening, then you will automatically know what to do, it comes with the territory.

[Gem]

It's a dog, and not a little brother or sister or anyone who'll be unprotected and abused, so it's not a really hard issue in the scale of things. It's not even your dog, so it's sad, but nothing tragic.