Grief...help me please

[Perspective]

Hi Starbuck,
I experienced something similar before.
After getting close & feeling more loved than I'd ever felt before, ties were completely cut. Not only that but I happened to give a way of contacting me before ties were cut. But only they could contact me, not visa versa, but they didn't. It hurt so much emotionally that I even felt pain physically.

As bad as it was, I'm grateful for that experience. I learned what this particular person was trying to teach me before...
that love, the appreciation, the connection all came from me. They may "water a seed" within me, but it has to be within me to blossom.
It really seems like it comes from them - but everything we feel is filtered through our minds...
How freeing to realize that!!
I've often prayed to feel self-secure so that I wouldn't be so dependent nor so deeply hurt & I'm getting there.

[Emmalevine]

Hi Perspective

Thanks for sharing your experience. I can imagine how much not hearing from them must have hurt you. It's wonderful to hear you came to a place of feeling grateful for the experience and realising that it came from within you. I can see what a powerful thing it is to learn. I am also trying to remember that while I am deeply grateful for my therapist and what I've learnt from seeing her, it was my choice to open up to her, to experience the connection that I did, and therefore it's within me. I can therefore continue to carry it. It's not something 'out there' but something always with me. It is indeed powerful to remember that.

I struggle too with feeling secure within, but I'm slowly but surely I'm starting to.

[Perspective]

Starbuck,
How kind of you to empathize.
It sounds like we're both striving in similar ways.

[Emmalevine]

No worries Perspective. One thing I've learnt recently is although people's situations are often very different, the emotions are what we all experience. We all know loss no matter what form it takes. We all know how it is to have to let go and move on.

I dont let go, I and them hold on tighter because love cannot separate us. They are in the "same room" only experiencing a different vibe.
I have seen my brother, my father, and my mother make the transition from this world to the next. Grief is a totally understandable emotion but as they say... when we "die" those who are left behind are filled with tears and say "there they go." Those in Spirit are filled with incredible joy and they say "here they come!"
Yes we have to move on in a 9 to 5 kinda way and to a point our grief can hold them back but it is a fact that we survive physical death and one day I pray that the whole world understands this.

G

[Emmalevine]

That's beautiful Glenos, it's such a gift to have been given proof of eternal life. Yes I think there's a difference between moving on in the material sense due to them no longer being on this plane, but knowing we will see them again in another form.

While I have not lost someone through death, I am also comforted by the thought that connections are never truly lost and that meeting again in some form is possible.

Originally Posted by Starbuck

I am falling apart please help.

I feel so ashamed because my grief is over the loss of a therapist, but I feel closer to her than any of my family. It is worse than when I had to end my marriage nearly five years ago. I feel really alone because of the stigma attached to grieving for someone who most people would feel I should have left long ago or is associated with 'dependency.'. Most people don't know I see a therapist never mind that I've shared everything with her! She isn't a 'blank slate' therapist; she has been totally invested in me and championed everything I do. I feel very connected to her and we've always been on the same wavelength. I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for her. I have come so far.

This is the first time in my life I'm having to say a permanent goodbye to someone I love and care about so much and I am having a really bad time. I can hardly function I just keep crying desperately.

I would really appreciate any healing sent my way as selfish as this sounds because I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

Some wise words about grief that i hope will help You find Your way out off Your grief...


If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal. ~Author Unknown

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert

As long as I can I will look at this world for both of us. As long as I can I will laugh with the birds, I will sing with the flowers, I will pray to the stars, for both of us. ~Sascha, as posted on motivateus.com

One joy shatters a hundred griefs ~ Chinese Proverbs


P.S.-Nobody can heal You better than Yourself...:)
My thoughts are with You...

[Uma]

Starbuck,

I feel your pain but I know that strong healing can and usually does come from strong medicine so I can't help but feel that your therapist's moving away means that you are ready to make it on your own (or that you are ready for a new phase in your life - perhaps with a new kind of mentor). I'm sure that thought feels scarey and painful, which is why it is strong medicine...but take a spoonful and see what happens. Let go and move on. Otherwise you will wallow in self pity forever, as some people do, and continue to invite people to your "pity party" with you (as they say in 12 step meetings), remaining a victim and not growing from the experience. I've been there. I know what I'm talking about.

Just remember. God is ever with you. You are never alone.
And God helps those who help themselves.

Best of luck,

Uma

[Emmalevine]

Hmm I'm not self pitying, I'm grieving. There's a very big difference. I don't feel it's possible for me to move on without addressing the pain I feel at the loss because it's been such a close relationship. Now that I am addressing it and feeling the pain, it's less intense and I'm beginning to let go. I feel that what the relationship has given me, is within me and always will be. What was true for you isn't true for me at this point in time.

Great quotes Bluelight thanks.