Did I Make A Mistake? He's Hurt Me So Much...

anonymous111 · #1 17-07-2016, 03:42 AM

Few hours ago, TF texted me...

(A Little Backstory--I'll keep it short)

Last Monday night he texted me apologizing for ignoring me, and opened up. Thought something was gonna change, but once again nothing did. I didn't hear from him until today.

Anyways, today he texts asking for me to hang out with him... I asked him what his problem was. He said "What?" as if he had no idea what I was talking about so I just opened the message and left it unanswered. Few minutes later, he texts again-- "Ok sorry"

I just feel like he keeps on hurting me in the same way so I told him I don't know what to say to you don't text me again and good luck with your life (not meaning it in a b*tchy tone, but just kind of like seriously wishing him good luck)

And all he replied was "Oh Sorry again I'll miss talking to you"

That was the end of that. Directly after, I saw a sign that read his old contact name and felt pain in my chest. Then saw on my social media feed of him flirting with this girl. Once again--painful.

Also, same dejavu happening right now. All of this happening as I'm on the way to visit my grandfather in the hospital... Few months back similar situation happened on the way to visiting my brother in the hospital.

I feel as though since he keeps hurting me in the same way constantly, maybe this is for the best. The past month has been so painful... I feel like everytime we've spoken is just me always being upset with him because I do absolutely everything for him and I don't even speak or look at any guys even though we're not technically official... But he just keeps being a complete a-hole to me, acting like he's going to change and then not changing his behaviors, despite the fact that I'm always so kind to him... This sucks.

Despite the fact that this is a TF connection... I definitely think it's time for me to pull back until he can change completely... I wish things didn't turn so sour. I still love him. I'm trying not to cry or weep, I'm probably just going to go to sleep soon. I was slowly coming to terms with all of what was happening until today...

I'm sick of feeling this way and it sucks. He's making me feel like a second choice and doesn't even care that I'm cutting ties now. I truly just feel so upset right now.

Impulsv · #2 17-07-2016, 05:57 AM

Maybe it's time to tell him he is being an a hole n u got not time for it given u have family in the hospital

Flameseeker · #3 17-07-2016, 08:32 AM

I agree don't allow him to treat you this way or he will continue to do so.

But you do need to explain to him what he is doing & how it makes you feel.

& I think in the future you should do it on the phone, as often the meaning/ tone is not interpreted via text message.

Faith33 · #4 17-07-2016, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flameseeker

I agree don't allow him to treat you this way or he will continue to do so.

But you do need to explain to him what he is doing & how it makes you feel.

& I think in the future you should do it on the phone, as often the meaning/ tone is not interpreted via text message.

I agree.
Texts can be very misleading. Unless you hear his voice or better yet, look him straight in the eye while addressing your feelings, you'll have a difficult time getting off this emotional rollercoaster ride.
No matter how much it hurts, learning the truth, getting past the initial shock and moving on, is a heck of a lot better than "wondering" what was meant and waiting around for the next time, only to be hurt, yet once again.

Marie · #5 17-07-2016, 12:17 PM

I know it's hard Hugh's. I think he has trouble with his emotional life, his feelings, like so many men, not used to be straightforward open and honest about their feelings and to talk about them. It's important to Remember the programming many had about that. I think that's why he didn't wanna say anything. I think the rudeness is a cover for that too! Of course it hurts. I just wonder, if you could help him with it.. Were treated as we learn others to treat us, it might be an idea to ignore him and walk away each time he would start be rude and say calmly I speak to you when you're not that way. That might actually work. Don't know but well.. Worth a try. Problem is though when too much hurt has come in the way over the time. Same time, if you are hurt, and run from those feelings in yourself, and not deal with him, who will suffer, you. Because with twins, once they've mirrored a problem like that in you or them which it is in him as it is, but, it's triggering you, and it abouldnt, you should be able to completely detach. Why not detach ? What's stopping you? And to just have firm boundaries? But once a twin mirrored like that, it doesn't go away even if you split it will haunt you come back to you the problem, whatever it is. So it's far better if you could deal with it. If you end up walk away at least make sure you're not attached to the problems or issue any way.

anonymous111 · #6 17-07-2016, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flameseeker

I agree don't allow him to treat you this way or he will continue to do so.

But you do need to explain to him what he is doing & how it makes you feel.

& I think in the future you should do it on the phone, as often the meaning/ tone is not interpreted via text message.

When we talked about a week or two ago I explained to him how confusing it was for him to ignore me one day and text me the next... He acted like he was gonna change and never did. I've forgiven him for the same issue a countless amount of times--he even completely ignored my existence for two months and I still forgave him. I'm just finally fed up with being treated this way. He acknowledged the fact that he treated me like cr*p, yet never changed... so I guess I need to be done with it and move on with my life. I can't keep opening up old wounds if I want to heal.

anonymous111 · #7 17-07-2016, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Impulsv

Maybe it's time to tell him he is being an a hole n u got not time for it given u have family in the hospital

I have told him before. I just didn't even bother telling him I had family in the hospital this time around because he constantly makes excuses for his actions. In fact, it was only a few weeks ago when I told him that I was done with his behavior because my other grandpa had just died as well... I told him about my grandfather dying a few weeks ago at that time, and he kept saying he didn't want to lose me. If he didn't want to lose me and cared about me, he wouldn't continue treating me like this despite the fact that I've told him thousands of times that it hurts me.

taurusnsane · #8 17-07-2016, 02:56 PM

chasers needs to have higher understanding that the runner acts this way because they are in fear. if not understand this, then yes, you suffer very much

taurusnsane · #9 17-07-2016, 02:57 PM

do not confront him with this stuff "blabla you ignored me", just let it ride. its not personal

i have been through this 4-5 years of it and these things helped me. just let it go and rule your own life, if he doesnt answer then ok.

anonymous111 · #10 17-07-2016, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by taurusnsane

chasers needs to have higher understanding that the runner acts this way because they are in fear. if not understand this, then yes, you suffer very much

I don't think his fear should be used as an excuse to constantly hurt me. I'm not going to stick around and be a doormat anymore--he can't just decide when to speak to me and when not to speak to me. I'm not going to keep taking him back anymore.