Breaking up someone's romantic attachment (advice appreciated)

[ocean breeze]

Originally Posted by Imzadi

Does that sound ok?

No. Just tell her to f*ck off already.

I know you will in time find a lover that shares all your dreams, hopes, desires, and passions that will treat you as you deserve.

And you're 100% sure of that?

Too sugar coated.

[Emm]

Originally Posted by Imzadi

An update: They are still trying to have me fall in love with them. Still hoping and expecting that I would "turn around" and be with them. Wants me to marry them.... This makes me a bit frustrated, but I am trying to be patient and maybe explain to them the true meaning of love that goes beyond attachments, desires, and spousal titles and roles. Have you guys experienced this and how do you handle this situation? I'm doing my best to be sensitive and kind, but I feel this obsession may be turning a bit toxic and unhealthy

Unfortunately those that are obsessed don't hear the truth, they hear what they want to hear and fill in the gaps. Your presence and continued friendship is the energy that fans the flames of their belief that you have feelings for them. While they still harbour those feelings you're not doing them any favours ...they could continue this way for years and waste their precious lives living a lie. Its better to be brutally honest I fear, or give little of your time with them keeping things civil but short. Its sounds harsh but sometimes the adage "cruel to be kind" may be the only way as your kinder way had no result. You are the fuel to keep their flame alive, without the fuel the flame will eventually go out.

It might also be of benefit to see where your part in all this lies. Awareness of how we come across with others ...do you have a need to be liked perhaps? Sometimes when we tread the spiritual path we tend to play the part, take on the role, I know, I've been there. But there's a dishonesty about it...with the self. "Being spiritual" is being true to yourself first, knowing yourself warts and all....in awareness what follows then is an honest representation of self to others and no false flags. Others may still love you but they should recognise the bounderies.

[eliana israel]

Originally Posted by Imzadi

An update: They are still trying to have me fall in love with them. Still hoping and expecting that I would "turn around" and be with them. Wants me to marry them.... This makes me a bit frustrated, but I am trying to be patient and maybe explain to them the true meaning of love that goes beyond attachments, desires, and spousal titles and roles. Have you guys experienced this and how do you handle this situation? I'm doing my best to be sensitive and kind, but I feel this obsession may be turning a bit toxic and unhealthy.

This reminds me of a Zen story in which a monk was meditating for years sponsored by an old woman who believed in his path. One day she decided to test his resolve by sending a young woman full of desire and passion to him. The monk rejected the young woman coldly and without compassion resenting her desire causing her much grief and pain. Upon learning of this, the old woman destroyed the hut that she gave him and admonished him, "All these years of meditating and you had not learn a thing!" or something to that degree.

I think of this story often whenever I encounter situations like this in which someone becomes obsessively enamored. To strike the right balance between letting them understand I am not what they seek and smartly create healthy boundaries and let them know their advances are being wasted can be a challenge. I think I can relate to the Zen story so that I can utilize this experience as perhaps a Spiritual teaching moment and show true compassion and love that is not of the addictive obsessive kind. Maybe this could aid in their own Spiritual awakening.

P.S. I must regrettably admit that in the past, I had been callous and cold like the monk in the story. Perhaps this is my opportunity to redeem myself now that I can better empathize with the pain of an all consuming maddening desire.

Firstly, you don't want to approach the situation with your ego. Obsession in and of itself is toxic and unhealthy, so to say, "I feel like this obsession may be turning a bit unhealthy and toxic, it seems like you're not taking everything into consideration. That, or you really like whatever is happening.



He/She was never a friend to begin with or there would be no obsession. If you think with your ego, you will just go in circles with your ego..boosting your ego to death.

I agree with the post to tell the person to eff off with their "all consuming maddening desires"

[gypsymystique]

I think what you told the person is very nice. I have trouble when people have feelings for me that aren't returned, and it happens oddly often considering I don't really get emotionally involved often.

I hope the person comes to accept your position soon.

[Imzadi]

Thank you everyone so much for your insights and inputs. They have been very helpful! I care about this person and consider them a friend so I have been in contact with them these past days. What I find remarkable was that I was able to share with them information on limerence and love addiction and they admitted to me that they are indeed a love addict. So I took the opportunity to also share some of what I know about Buddhist philosophy/meditation that can help them overcome obsessive fixation and they have been listening and taking in the Spiritual perspectives that can help alleviate a troubled mind full of illusions and desires. There is a gradual process of opening to the realization that true love, joy, and peace lies within each of our hearts. We do not need to siphon it off another person through romantic idealizations like a lovesick vampire to be truly complete and happy. :)