How do I let go?

[linen53]

Rfrost, my father in law has been battling Alzheimer's disease for the past 9 years. His battle is in its final stages. We have had him in assisted living for the past 3 years but 2 days ago we brought him back to his home to die.

We are fortunate that we can have a senior homecare service taking care of him 24/7 right now.

My father in law and I had "issues" many years ago when he was much more healthy. I have since forgiven him and let the incidents pass. What is done is done. Time to move on.

Even though he and I had these issues, I have never wanted anything but the best of care for him.

My husband and I have had a lot of time to prepare for this final stage in his life. Watching someone deteriorate and have to experience so much pain for so many years cauterizes the wound so to speak, on the issue of dying. Though we hate to see him go, we don't want him to suffer anymore. He deserves peace now.

So our feelings are a mix of the deepest sadness and of joy at the release of his soul when it happens.

You have my heart-felt sympathy at this time of your life.

[Rfrost]

I thank you all for the very kind and heartfelt responses.

I am the type of person that doesn't deal with their problems.
So all of this helps.

[linen53]

Originally Posted by Rfrost

I thank you all for the very kind and heartfelt responses.

I am the type of person that doesn't deal with their problems.
So all of this helps.

..............

[Clover]

I am sorry your going through this.

[Rfrost]

Its ok.

Its just hard to be mourning over something that no one really knows about, so I kind of feel anxious about it.

[Rfrost]

I just don't know what is going to happen in the next few days and it is driving me absolutely crazy! Like totally cray cray. lol

[Belle]

Rfrost - stay very quiet with yourself. It's bound to drive you crazy - what you are going through is a very personal and private time in many ways and so guard yourself carefully. You don't know how it goes from one minute to the next but everything will be fine. Stay strong, stay focused.

I'm going to say, there are a few things I disagree wtih on this thread. First, you don't have to say everything that is unsaid - or indeed anything. You have all the time in the world after the person is gone to communicate. You don't need the extra pressure of ensuring that you get every single message said - or indeed any message. A dying person will be more conscious of your energy than your words. Moreover, if there are things that you can't quite mean, then best not said. As the energy will not be whole. Sit quietly either from afar and love and honour the person in your heart, pray for a safe passing sure in the knowledge they will be greeted by loved ones.

The other thing - grief does not hold a person's energy in this place. Having passed, a spirit will want to stay close to his / her loved wants and also the familiarity of their body. It's unfamiliar territory they are in. They will then pass for a great healing which may take a long time or a short but they may also come backwards and forwards in this time. Grief is a part of love, it is natural and doesn't impede the journey onwards of the deceased person.

But, you won't know what is going to happen, you don't know how your are going to be but you do have the power to look after yourself, to eat healthy food, to drink plenty of water, to rest and rest.

I know how hard it is to let go. I still miss my mother so much after 10 years, the constant pain goes away but the longing remains. I am happy for her, but sad for myself, as she was one of my soul mates. But I feel I will reconnect with her again, she is NOT dead only in another place. You must feel your pain, and mourn their loss. Know they are going to be happy and healthy again and so can you. One day you will see them again.

[Rfrost]

I appreciate all the advice you have given me, thank you all. :)

[linen53]

I was thinking about you and just checked in.