ghosting

[dishevlment]

I'm sure some of you are familiar with the term "ghosting" it basically means ignoring someone instead of saying "im not interested."

It's pretty common nowadays. I feel like most people realize it's happening to them and they kinda chill out and move on.
I was ghosted by my "TF" in a terrible way. I hate using that term "twin flame" but it kind of signifies how intense the connection was between us. We had a reunion after a year of no contact, it went badly and he "ghosted" me, for months now actually.
I remember a while ago I didn't answer him for like two days and he freaked out on me.
I've never completely ignored anyone at all. It sucks. Just wanted to vent this.
I feel like I must be atoning for any harm I've caused in this life!
and no one really gets it. My friends and family are like well he obviously doesn't love you. Maybe.
But I think he did/does and he is running from me.
I had a dream about him last night.

[Impulsv]

My tf ghosted n it was horrible .after our dates he'd say I'll call you later n I lived in fear when he would disappear. He'd be good for weeks n then it would come. At each reunion after seperation I carried that fear even though he'd leave saying the same thing
I'll call you later
How cruel ,why would u say it if u had not intentions??

But even when we finally got together the fear was there n it did happen

[dishevlment]

Originally Posted by Impulsv

My tf ghosted n it was horrible .after our dates he'd say I'll call you later n I lived in fear when he would disappear. He'd be good for weeks n then it would come. At each reunion after seperation I carried that fear even though he'd leave saying the same thing
I'll call you later
How cruel ,why would u say it if u had not intentions??

But even when we finally got together the fear was there n it did happen

I'm sorry u had to go through that. I think you make a good point tho. "The fear was there and it did happen" self fulfilling prophecy! It's hard not to expect the worse when you love someone so much

Another new term invented by new age snake-oil sellers. We used to call it
"ignore". Ghosting was getting someone else to do some work that you
presented as your own.

Ah well, we live and learn. More jargon up with which to keep. At least
it comes with the admission that TF isn't all it's cracked up to be. Helping each
other grow and evolve takes on new slants all the time.

[LadyMay]

Ghosting, never heard of that term before. But yeah I relate. Only thing really you can do is just try to move on. To be honest, in my own experience I thought to myself "why would I even desire to be with someone who clearly wants nothing to do with me?" It's just not worth it, so I shut the emotions off and got on with my life.

You can cause yourself pain over this all or just accept what's not meant to be. And give yourself time to mourn, too. In my case I'd already had plenty of time to mourn so I'd gotten to that point of "enough's enough". I was done. And now I would never go back to him even if the whole TF thing with the stages of running and separation and reunion turned out to be legitimate. That ship sailed long ago.

[dishevlment]

Originally Posted by Estelwen

Ghosting, never heard of that term before. But yeah I relate. Only thing really you can do is just try to move on. To be honest, in my own experience I thought to myself "why would I even desire to be with someone who clearly wants nothing to do with me?" It's just not worth it, so I shut the emotions off and got on with my life.

You can cause yourself pain over this all or just accept what's not meant to be. And give yourself time to mourn, too. In my case I'd already had plenty of time to mourn so I'd gotten to that point of "enough's enough". I was done. And now I would never go back to him even if the whole TF thing with the stages of running and separation and reunion turned out to be legitimate. That ship sailed long ago.

yeah it's hard because if it was anyone else I wouldnt give it a second thought. I don't know why I can't just accept reality.
How do you shut off emotions?

xx:)

[LadyMay]

Originally Posted by dishevlment

yeah it's hard because if it was anyone else I wouldnt give it a second thought. I don't know why I can't just accept reality.
How do you shut off emotions?

xx:)

Well, you have to go through the five stages of grief before you feel ready enough to let go and never look back. I think shutting your emotions off would be the wrong term, but rather getting to a point where the connection whatever it is, no longer affects you emotionally.

Do you feel ready enough for that yet?

[RedBasket]

Originally Posted by dishevlment

I've never completely ignored anyone at all. It sucks. Just wanted to vent this ...My friends and family are like well he obviously doesn't love you. Maybe.
But I think he did/does and he is running from me.
I had a dream about him last night.

Yes, working through this strange ghosting phenomenon with a twin is important work and a real experience - you are not alone. I totally understand your mixed feelings and your confusion.

My take on it is this - tf ghosting is different than this trend of dishonorable breakups or not having the guts to tell someone you aren't interested in another date. The behaviors seem the same, and this is why friends says things like "if he really cared about you he wouldn't treat you this way." But in fact the tf ghosting is a world apart, I believe.

Trust your intuition and your gut if you believe he did/does love you and that he is running. Don't downgrade your powerful experience or your value by listening to others who would minimize the connection due to ghosting.

Now the tricky thing is, don't necessarily buy into the TF mythology that you WILL END UP TOGETHER NO MATTER WHAT. I think we just can't know. Healing, overcoming issues, turning toward love and vulnerability and facing fear with courage and a will to overcome it - this is all tied in to a hero's journey. You just can't know if your twin is up for that epic transformation. If he isn't, it doesn't mean you weren't worth the effort, it is just how things in the universe lined up.

So during ghosting, if you feel he really wants to disconnect from you, forget the experience, compartmentalize or block off his feelings toward you, just surrender to that fact. Don't try to pander to him or remind him of your presence. Protect your heart and try to disengage if this is the case.

I think that "thaw" stage is not discussed enough in TF journey stories. But you will recognize and energetic thaw when you know he isn't running full force from you. Then things shift.

Good luck.

[RedBasket]

I'll add a note about my personal experience during ghosting.

During our first separation, which was about 6 weeks, my twin reached out to me via a pm on facebook and said "I'm sorry I have been such a ghost lately" and reached out to say happy birthday and said he'd stop by to tell me happy birthday in person that weekend. He never did. But it was the first time I heard the term "ghosting" and was surprised he recognized and apologized for his behavior. He still wasn't present enough to follow through and eventually did 2 or 3 weeks later when he showed up and told me he had suddenly gotten separated from his wife the whole period he ghosted me and that it why he hadn't been in touch. "I have just been in so much pain and I haven't been able to handle it well at all," he said.

I heard stories of him "running" during awkward moments earlier in his life, like not showing up for work instead of just quitting and hiding in the apartment when his thuggish boss showed up pounding on his door. But he also would sort of promise to me he'd never "abandon" me our our connection, like when I was worried he was mad and me and that him texting "I'm done" meant, I'm done with you, I'm fed up with this all, I'm out of here. He wrote back to explain he simple meant he was finished with his task and said "Red, you know I'd never do that to you." But then during the year long ghost period, I thought to myself, "well, you did do that to me."

My point in sharing these details is that I, like you, would never ghost someone. It was painful that my twin did this to me and it still is. Looking back at my life, I actually did use the silent treatment until I learned better and realized how harmful it is to another soul. I have no doubt in my mind that my twin carries a lot of guilt over his ghosting ways. But I think he just was trapped and didn't know another way.

That is how I move beyond ghosting grief and maintain my feeling of connection with him. Good luck finding your own way through the pain of tf ghosting. Just realize it isn't in the same realm of reality of what you read about in dating behaviors.

[Awakened Queen]

The more you're ghosted by the person, the more you're forced to focus on yourself. It becomes clear that it has to do with you and you alone. It strengthens you. Some people come into our lives for a short time to balance karma/teach us lessons/help us in some way, then they leave. If somebody wants to leave your life, nothing will keep them there. It's best to let them go with love. The Universe has other plans for you, and this person was not in them.

"Twin Flames" (I hate that term) trigger our deepest fears. If you fear heartbreak and abandonment, then that's exactly what they will bring into your lives. It's like "Okay, I abandoned you. Now what are you going to do?" You either heal that fear, or a new connection will come into your life and repeat the pattern.

To blame the person and call it running keeps you from facing your issues and fears. If you do the shadow work that's necessary for clearing these old energetic patterns, you reach the other side of the connection, which is calmness and joy.