awful issue showing up at work

[Nikos1982]

CosmicWonder, yes, don't be too hard on yourself... find what connects you with feeling towards any activity... ...or non activity if there you find yourself more connected....

That's what I thought.... We 're just human..

[Starman]

What is you motivation for doing volunteer work at this place? It sounds to me like you want to do this work but your heart may not be into doing it. What is the incentive for people to show up to work; for most people it is money; they want to get paid and not fired from their job. I worked in the healthcare field 42-years, in paid positions and in volunteer positions.

It is different when you are doing volunteer work and not getting paid. Most people who do volunteer work have a passion to serve others without monetary compensation. But you need money to pay for your lifestyle. I would suggest that if you feel “awful” doing what you have been doing then it is time for a change, unless you want to continue feeling awful.

It sounds to me like you have developed a conscience and hate disappointing people. There are people who would not feel awful only showing up half of the time. Any job where others are depending on us require discipline. It requires a commitment, especially with the disabled population which you are working with.

I think the kind of work you are doing is great, even if it is 50% of the time. But it is easy to burnout and you must take care of yourself more when working with people who may be challenging. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Let your supervisors know that you can only come in 50% of the time, let them know that you are looking for a paying job. It is a different process working for altruistic reasons than it is working for money. I believe serving others, as you are, even if it is part-time, is an honorable and worthwhile endeavor. Don’t be so hard on your self.

[CosmicWonder]

Thanks Nikos and Starman!!

@Starman, yes I agree that issues at work are relatively normal, but people around me always lie about it and lack self reglection. Barely do their job but point fingers to me for having a few problems that I am working on. I work hard yet sometimes certain people never see enough lol.

[CosmicWonder]

I have thought deeply today about the issue, did self care and worked on it. But some issues can be tough to handle. Its not that they are normal or arent, but it requires a certain insight and that can be difficult to achieve.

Physician heal thyself comes to mind……maybe that should be the priority ?……

[vibrations]

I agree with starman don’t beat yourself up over it, did you get that empath book I recommended? There are some useful strategies in this that may be able to help you. My eldest son is autistic and PDA he had the PDA diagnosis (label) because his body just would not let him move, along with outbursts, he’s now doing remote work at home and much happier, maybe see if this is an option for you, there are lots of people with disabilities and the elderly who just want to talk, and they are looking for people to do this remote also, but I think it’s great your getting out there, that is an achievement alone, instead of giving yourself criticism for not going in, congratulate yourself for the times u did, focus on the positives.

[Starman]

CosmicWonder, they should have given you a job description which spells out your duties; even volunteers have job descriptions. It sounds like this place is run very loosely and if coworkers are dumping work on you that just may be a motivation for you to not want to show up, especially if other staff do not appreciate or respect you, and you are not being paid for the job or extra work that you do.

Maybe its time to move on, find another volunteer position, or a paid job, or go to a community college and get a certificate or two-year degree in some field to start a career. A Career is much better than a job, and you will make more money if you have a one year certificate or two year degree in some field. This is where a lot of people start. My recommendation is to look for grants and scholarships to help you get started on a paid career.

People in the healthcare field are in high demand and you most likely will never have trouble finding a job if you choose a career in the healthcare field. You are not stuck. You just need to make a decision and act on that decision. Go to a college and tell them you want to go to college but you are undecided what to study; because there are lots of positions in healthcare. Ask the college counselor if you can take the “Strong Interest Test,” it is usually given for free and can show you your strengths when it comes to talents and skills. If you are very good at working with people in healthcare it will show up on the Strong Interest Test.

God’s Speed
.

[Traveler]

So your time is 100% volunteer? I'm guessing that you're feeling burned out. And part of your "not showing up" is a lack of enthusiasm because you're burned out. It sounds like you're overwhelmed by what is going on in your personal life that you have "no spoons"* left for your volunteer work.


*Spoon Theory comes from the blogger Christine Miserandino in 2003 as a way to express how it felt to have lupus. Spoons is a shorthand way of expressing whether you have the energy for something.

[CosmicWonder]

Hii all,

I am still in the midst of fixing this. I have no idea what to say about it next. I keep rewritting but I actually have no usefull words atm.

Kind regards,

CW

[vibrations]

Forgive me if I am wrong, but maybe you are trying to hard to speak to others in a sense of what you think they want to hear? instead of speaking from your heart and truth, maybe it be that you feel you are much deeper and they won't understand. My advice is to bring your spiritual self to every situation, one must love themselves, and see themselves, only then can we see mere reflections of ourselves in others. compassion for others is not enough if we don't have compassion for ourselves. Sometimes we need to attend to our emotional nourishment, ask yourself how you want to feel, then seek areas of pleasures like going for a meal with someone in a quiet restaurant and build on this, or an activity that you enjoy, it’s about finding what brings you to this comfort and seeking it for your souls need.