Can't Lose Weight, Frustrated, Upset, At Wits End

This has been going on for years. I can't lose weight. I lose a few pounds, gain a few, lose a few, gain a few. I've tried nearly EVERYTHING (and have had multiple threads on here over the years).

I do know my thyroid is an issue, and have been taking bladderwrack, l-tyrosine, and parathyroid regularly and notice a huge difference in energy levels if I forget to take it. If I forget, no matter what I eat, I am incredibly drowsy after eating even a salad. When I take it, I have normal energy, don't need to sleep for 10+h and am fine on 6-8h of sleep like a normal person, and can be active throughout the day without dragging. But it's done nothing towards me losing weight.

It's now been going on 3 years since I cut out fatty/fried foods regularly (I used to eat wings and drink beers at least 2-3x a week and eat out all the time). I try to eat fresh food, not processed and cut down dramatically. I only eat 1/2 a portion whenever I do eat out, no matter what it is (used to eat it all). Switched to cooking with coconut oil. Added in walking several times a week, even with leg weights, and some jogging. I now can hike 4 miles 1-2x a week over very challenging terrain in about 1h10m (far faster than any of my friends) and still come back to my farm and ride horses after. No matter the workout, I'm rarely sore after - even when I travel for work and spend a full 1-2h at the gym doing anything from elliptical, treadmill, or even weights. And currently in addition to being outside and hiking a few times a week, and walking when I can, I ride my horse for 20 min of a focused workout (not counting cool down time) 4-5x a week, as well as riding client horses, and a few of my other horses including trail rides.

I recently suffered a back injury - poss fracture of lower vertebrae - so was limited on what I could do, but I kept walking daily when I couldn't ride, and am back to riding again 4-5x a week at least 1 horse per day for an intense 20 min workout. On top of hiking at least once a week, and walking a few days a week for a 4 mi hike, and walks that are 1-3mi.

And I'm still FAT. UGH I AM SO [Edited by Staff/ Swearing Rule]. Frustrated, angry, upset. I've tried the Isagenix diet, and lost next to nothing. I've tried supplements, varying workouts, hiking walking jogging running weights, wearing leg weights all day. And NOTHING WORKS. I AM SO SICK OF BEING FAT.

I weighed less when I ate wings and drank beer all the time.
Why change my diet if I am going to be fat anyway??????

I weight 20 pounds less about 4 years ago when I was commuting 1.5h each way to work 4 days a week, eating out every day for lunch, eating bagels every Friday with cream cheese, and basically sitting on my fat butt 24/7 in the car commuting, or at my desk. AND I WEIGHED LESS AND FIT INTO JEANS I CAN'T EVEN GET ON NOW!!! UGHHHHH. I don't get it at all. I just don't get it.

I've been told I have a spiritual block and that's why I won't date people either (really it's just because I feel fat and hate it and my self esteem in that regards is at an all time low). I'm not the fattest I've ever been, and I lost weight since April, but like a whopping 5 pounds....my [Edited by Staff/Searing] scale says I'm about 160 which means I'm really about 170 and 5'3". The scale isn't accurate but I use it for trending and there have been times it's said I've been 170 on there - which is way more than I am now. AND STILL my jeans don't fit.

Back to the spiritual thing - I've been told it's a spiritual block and my spirit doesn't want me to lose weight because I'm being blocked by something, something negative attached to me or some fear I am holding on to, but I've tried Rieki and energy work and nothing has helped. I've tried imagining myself slimmer and meditating. I've been doing yoga - did all winter when it was too cold to hike - and still nothing. NOTHING. Oh and I've been told I can do a soul journey that will help me unblock whatever it is that has me blocked to open me up to losing weight, but that's like $300.....at this point I'm tempted by my gut (and guides) tell me it's just a lot of money to pay for something that probably won't work.

PLEASE HELP.

This is the first time I'm putting this all out there in this much detail, so even if you can't help and just read this horribly long awful self-depreciating rant, thank you. Thank you for listening. I'm crying as I'm typing this I'm so frustrated. I hate being fat. I hate the way I look in pictures. I hate being in pictures. I hate myself in some ways more than I have in a very very long time and usually I have very high self esteem and am confident and open and loving and lately I'm just. Not. Just so down on myself. I am so sick of being single and alone and somehow in my brain I've linked myself to being unlovable because I am fat. I don't apply it to anyone else - I have friends that weigh more than me and are in happy relationships and I think they are beautiful. I just see me and think wow, I'm fat and unlovable. And it's weird because I do think I am pretty. But fat. Fat fat fat fat fat is like this ongoing theme in my brain.

Honestly more than anything I want to lose weight to be fitter and more athletic like I used to be, but how is it that I can hike 4 mi and not be sore?!?! Including jogging on the mountain!!!!!!! And ride 4-5 days a week, sometimes multiple horses a day, and still not sore. It's like I'm just so stuck, I'm stuck in my own fat.

:(

Please help. Is there something I am doing wrong? I get the sense that I DO have some sort of block bc the brain association with fat = can't date is stupid, but I just can't seem to break that connection in my own mind and I don't know why or how. Maybe there really is something blocking me somewhere. I don't know. I just don't know what to do, but I'm so close to either just not eating for several days to see if I can lose weight by simple starvation, or eating everything in sight and saying screw this. Back to bacon egg and cheese every weekday morning for breakfast, and chips and dips and wings and fried foods and burgers and dogs, and beers every day and not caring. I mean hey, I was skinny when I ate like that.......this has been an incredibly frustrating 3 years, and ironic because everything else in my life is SO good. :(

Sorry so long, thank you for just letting me get all of this off my chest.