forgiveness -

Originally Posted by VisionQuest

You deny your own dark side. That is like asking splitting a car in two and asking a mechanic to fix only half the car!

You learn to FORGIVE only after picking up your own trash and acknowledging it.

Then the next step is given~

could you extend what you were thinking on the dark side and trash?

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Sorry that I'm going to come up with a less popular, controversial view - but I think one has to be very careful indeed, especially forgiving others. It's easy to forgive yourself if you can convince yourself you're penitent over whatever error or misdeed you've done. But it hinges on that. If e.g. you regret telling lies and forgive yourself, then continue lying...what? Are you going to forgive yourself again (quasi a Catholic confession that absolves you up to and including that date). If you find yourself in a situation akin to that, you have to undertake a little more to ensure further forgiveness can be justified.

Of course, you can forgive yourself and others as many times as you like but unless your/their behaviour changes as a result, you're just playing with words.

It's this reason why care is needed in forgiving others. Unless you can be sure the same behaviour won't happen again it's pointless. If someone has damaged you, you have to absolutely sure they'll never do the same again to you or anyone else (about which you have no guarantee at all) so you might simply be giving them license to do it again. Beware that. You may think it'll make you feel better but what if there's a nagging doubt that it'll happen again?

♀

you made me think.

my parents damaged me in my delicate years. Had they expressed themselves in a way that made me look inside my own resources, then perhaps we wouldnt be here today. They wonder why I dont talk to them about my life and such. They few times I had the courage and discussed my thoughts with them, oh boy.... hell was unleashed. And they started saying how useless I was.

Looking at things now, I know they possibility of bad things happening again is low. If my lesson is to forgive, what is their lesson? That is what I want to know. Are they aware of how much damage has been caused by their stupid minds? And because of their behaviour, their friends had fun too.

[Ninjajms]

Often times I have wondered if my parents knew of the pain they had caused-comments made, decisions made etc-My therapist told me that sometimes humans have a blind side-meaning they don't realize the pain they caused to another-their intentions were never to harm etc-However Candle-you have a choice to make at this point-to work through the hurt-grieve it, and forgive-make your life different-just because your parents said you were useless doesn't make it so-its your life now-YOU NEVR WERE/NOR WILL YOU EVER USELESS!!!!!

Maybe your lesson is to forgive and to tell your parents how you felt about what they said-and also to not believe what is obviously a lie-maybe their lesson is well not sure but it is never to late to live a life beyond your wildest imagination-

Originally Posted by ScarlettHayden

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" - Buddha. We don't forgive for the benefit of others. We forgive so that we can let go.

Yep. Someone shoots you and your kids and your favorite cat. Forgive that person immediately. Move on or the universe will move on without you, which is really unpleasant.

Originally Posted by Ninjajms

Often times I have wondered if my parents knew of the pain they had caused-comments made, decisions made etc-My therapist told me that sometimes humans have a blind side-meaning they don't realize the pain they caused to another-their intentions were never to harm etc-However Candle-you have a choice to make at this point-to work through the hurt-grieve it, and forgive-make your life different-just because your parents said you were useless doesn't make it so-its your life now-YOU NEVR WERE/NOR WILL YOU EVER USELESS!!!!!

Maybe your lesson is to forgive and to tell your parents how you felt about what they said-and also to not believe what is obviously a lie-maybe their lesson is well not sure but it is never to late to live a life beyond your wildest imagination-

Well, I have been thinking since this morning.

Obviously I want to be in charge of my life however since Kundalini started, it feels like it will do anything it likes with me. It is ironic how I want to be in charge and yet I cant. My kundalini does anything it likes with me.

I have been thinking about my dad too. He has been the worst abuser. In the same time, deep down I know that I must be grateful , and I am for getting my career started. So in a way, somewhere inside me, there is some kind of consciousness aware of the good and bad.


I have written som pages and expressed my feelings and forgiving people in the journal. For some reason, deep deep inside, I havent forgiven them. The resentment and anger is still there.

Originally Posted by KevinO

Yep. Someone shoots you and your kids and your favorite cat. Forgive that person immediately. Move on or the universe will move on without you, which is really unpleasant.

haha. Were you being sarcastic? Cant tell over the internet.

[Gemcrusader]

Not forgetting isnt truly forgiving. Lets face that. Im a virgo. They remember EVERYTHING. Looking back i actually took pride in not forgetting. Thinkin subconsciously: oh yeah, ill be cool with you, but dont u think ill EVER forget whut u did.. :p

My father said something about forgiving: to give somethin a place. Place it somewhere, lock it and leave it.

[Gemcrusader]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Sorry that I'm going to come up with a less popular, controversial view - but I think one has to be very careful indeed, especially forgiving others. It's easy to forgive yourself if you can convince yourself you're penitent over whatever error or misdeed you've done. But it hinges on that. If e.g. you regret telling lies and forgive yourself, then continue lying...what? Are you going to forgive yourself again (quasi a Catholic confession that absolves you up to and including that date). If you find yourself in a situation akin to that, you have to undertake a little more to ensure further forgiveness can be justified.

Of course, you can forgive yourself and others as many times as you like but unless your/their behaviour changes as a result, you're just playing with words.

It's this reason why care is needed in forgiving others. Unless you can be sure the same behaviour won't happen again it's pointless. If someone has damaged you, you have to absolutely sure they'll never do the same again to you or anyone else (about which you have no guarantee at all) so you might simply be giving them license to do it again. Beware that. You may think it'll make you feel better but what if there's a nagging doubt that it'll happen again?

♀

though i agree here

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by ScarlettHayden

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" - Buddha. We don't forgive for the benefit of others. We forgive so that we can let go.

Haha love it, never heard that one before but it's spot on, imo. It's true - if you're feeling resentful, just stop thinking about the rights and wrongs of the situation for a second, and concentrate on what it feels like, and ask yourself if you'd actually want to hang onto that if you had the choice.

That doesn't mean you should necessarily do nothing, and simply forgive the person just like that; it might mean that you have to forcefully put across your side of the story, withdraw from a certain situation, or whatever else the situation might call for. Seems to me that, actually, people very often love martyrdom, deep down, and prefer that to actually taking positive action.

I think it can also be useful to try and understand why another treated you the way they did, to put it into a wider perspective and see all angles. I don't think demonising people, tempting as it may seem, achieves anything positive; ultimately, people act in negative ways because, at root, they're unconscious.

[Ninjajms]

Candlelight-I'm not sure that we ever forget-but I do know from personal experience that once you get to that place of forgiveness it no longer keeps a sting. The only way I knew to forgive was to take 2c suggestions and put them into practice. They worked for me-I will offer them to you and I hope they work for you-either way you have nothing to lose by trying

1.. I asked God to help me forgive

2. I prayed for all those I resented had not forgiven for 2 weeks that they would be blessed-I remember thinking that it was ****. especially when I didn't mean it-but I did it anyway

I know it is not easy dealing with what you are dealing with-its hard-