It’s Mother’s Day:

[lostsoul13]

And I spoke to my intent and purpose mother- 2nd year in a row, have just phoned her…I suppose it’s better than nothing but my situation in the hostel means I can’t visit: I mean they do provide availability to stay over{with address and confirmation} but her boyfriend; stops me going to see her- he’s going into prison in July for 5 years- this is 2nd -3rd time he’s been in prison since I’ve been around the last 10 years or so- we just don’t agree- I’m afraid for my mother because she had to go through the whole situation…

Have you ever been in a similar situation??


I feel bad haven’t got her a present but will remain contact when her boyfriend goes into prison—- don’t think she’s noticed this behaviour yet??

[astralsuzy]

I feel for you being in that awful situation. It would be hard for you. I have never been in that situation. It is good that you can phone your mother. That is something. When your mothers boyfriend goes to prison that would be the time to see your mother. You could persuade her not to see or have any contact with her boyfriend as he is no good for her. It might be a good idea for your mother and yourself to move address away from her boyfriend so he will never locate you. When he is out of prison, I do not know how bad he is, but he could be violent. There have been many women in Australia that have been murdered by the women's partner. I do not want to put fear in you but it would be awful if it happened.

As for not having a mothers day present I would not worry about that too much. We do not give mothers day presents or fathers day presents. A lot of people do but my family do not. I have said many times I do not want presents. What is important is to have lunch, morning or afternoon tea and make mothers day special. I get waited on for mothers day. It is wonderful. My family cooks lunch and wash up. That is all I want.

[lostsoul13]

With the developments with his prison crazed adventures- I can’t talk I was in prison too: but reformed my ways-hustling has always been a ambition: getting money and keeping it; I see people will millions that have hardly worked for it- that and my growing up surrounded with the milk man delivering juice- and toast for breakfast—- wanted more for the self… if I had put that much effort into my company I would be a small time millionaire, right now- with ambitious mind set- hustling was the only way I could make millions: I use to be a good kid- crazed by the former selfs … a hundred of them like 101 Dalmatian’s… carly was lucky out of the bunch.. I can call her name safe but to think that’s not what they would of wanted- the truth is there’s only pain, and there’s no way out of it- consuming and engulfing—- there’s this rage in me that feels at conflict with the father in me, the son, the boyfriend—- the mothers son to her boyfriend- I know chumps like him- he’s not good for her: even though the narcissistic attitudes- and vanity that never saw a image.. just venting here: would be more available but I am not- the future is taking up my ‘now’ and I’m consumed with fallacy of the short comings… drawing the short straw on my reincarnations—- fear tgem, fear leaving this present now in the past- even though I’m unavailable to it—- get to see my mother of purpose- my biological one hasn’t turned up yet or I haven’t been born a baby, a child albeit—- but growing up it was children homes and foster care- therapy sessions from the local council and their mental health teams—- found my self main stream in the gulf of the ghetto… and you die trying..

What’s the purpose in this? To understand and know pain? To understand and know families split up, irrelevant and nostalgic? I was resided in the ghetto and fulfilled my role in the ghetto- prison is behind me, but many conflicts with police- I’ve settled the last year- but my relationships suffer: the best thing that happened to me was my twin flame- my soulmates also but slowly adrift by the future and importantly the now.. so many road blocks even to get my celebrity soulmate to understand/ recognise me? Like I recognise them? I know it’s a two way street?

But what would they recognise? The atom from the abyss- is my main brand but anything that comes from there is doomed to go through hell and back- and that’s what my reincarnations are: hell and back..

Forth.. would they recognise me by my image- I’d just be mimicking them back- closer to their twin flame/ self- borrowing their image like a biological twin.. I can’t seem to find my shadow never mind my image- but a small story could create a larger story and become a book—- so many literature has been written : Peter Pan syndrome- never giving up, always burning bright in my heart- like a mother / Wendy.. reminds me of my tendencies… troubled but wanting more-

Affection, care & attention- physically to take away the pores of pain and ease it- a destiny for a day worth destiny’s of 5000 days? Without? Plagued by it- it’s making me miserable—- want to spread joy but my circumstances have me at odd for odd parents and odd upbringing, odd twin flame & soulmates—-
Odd my self.

I really struggle, walking, swimming, running on treadmill {later} weights, beach and promenade- helps with meditation—- spirituality heals as with physics and science..

Cappuccino and delicates help-

Ease the pain by mourning now and stressing about what I can’t change- to be brave and fight in a non direct way- to allow to just be and all be in my favour or relaxing with the moments- indirectly- bliss, at times; the pain.. but blisters are the hours thing.. leaving behind my family for reincarnation- they wouldn’t recognise me—- sisters, brothers, intent and purpose: until I find my real mother- adopted twice—- three, four time at amount of great relationships I’ve had with social workers and some careers …

Leave work behind- I tell my self, retire!

It’s all amounts to displacement and odd favour- at odds with the worlds for oddity…

I know the years will change when he goes into prison but I wouldn’t make it known other than my situation has been volatile- reason for not being around last two years…

I must seem incapable or distant. Things since hospital have been hard and stressful- but in my youth- I’ve found the most precious thing- a self image- one that projects and portrays- one that challenges and pushes boundaries further than the self could escape- but doesn’t take away pain-

I’m happy to rejoice but bliss doesn’t last long in happiness- I’ve tried it, luck is forthbearing —- shrivelled and obsolescent …

I only wish the years I have when he goes to prison- were like the years I had with my child self- playing and rejoicing: enthralling and commenting on the mirror- the sandwich theory- complaints and forgiveness-

[astralsuzy]

I did not read your whole post. You say you have been in prison. You deserve another chance, start again and have a good life. You have done your time in prison and you sound like you want to be good so that is all that matters. I would not let anyone know that you have been in prison because they are likely to have a negative opinion on you. Be with people that have high standards such as not stealing etc. Do not get involved with people like your mothers boyfriend. They will drag you down.

Happy mothers day to all!!!!!!

[astralsuzy]

Mothers day in Australia is in May.

Ah ok..... Sorry about that

[astralsuzy]

You do not need to apologise. That is perfectly OK Bambo. I just felt saying that we celebrate mothers day a different month.