Is it selfish to desire a relationship or marriage with someone?

[hellabomer]

It is always taught to us that unconditional love demands nothing. Okay, if I love a person, I would always want the best for him, even if it somehow is not with me. But is it selfish of me to desire a fulfilled life with someone through marriage? Will it be wrong of me to decide to give my best wishes to someone but then move on and find someone who can love me and have a good relationship with me? Am I selfish to want all this?

[seekerAK]

I think it depends on the motive. If the motive is to get things from that person or use that person somehow to further one's own ambition then that would be selfish. If you want to marry someone because he loves you and you love him then that would not be selfish since you both want the same thing but the ultimate test is what your heart tells you. If your heart is telling you that you are not marrying him for the right reasons then you may need to re-evaluate. If the thought of marrying him brings you joy then you are not being selfish. In the final analysis, we are all here to learn life lessons and grow in spirituality back towards the Source. The Source created us so that It could experience and know Itself through our experiences.

Selfish is a word blurred by spirituality which is inherently self-directed (not entirely but until one has a good map of self, mutual spiritual enhancement seems a bit chancy). While it's possible to be figuratively married to someone - some kind of spiritual agreement, marriage as a ceremony isn't unconditional. It's a contract. Whether it's selfish depends on the people. If they intend to have children it isn't selfish toward them - in fact, as I see it, that's when unconditional love emerges, depending if the parents are prepared to make the sacrifices to nurture those children. It brings purpose to a couple, a reward I imagine - can't speak from experience. But if it's love, i.e. its about mutual appreciation - how each augments the life of the other; about compromise, allowing the partners space and time to recharge back to self; and honesty, working to rules implicitly or explicitly set out while the relationship develops; and of course a willingness to support each other come hell and high water, a big sharing, I can't think it's selfish in itself. Sure, there'll be moments of self direction which I wouldn't say necessarily are selfish in the usual sense. One has hobbies (in which the other may take a general interest) a need to be alone at times, go to work, etc. So there has to be this margin for people to act separately.

...

[The Elven Knight]

If you love something set it free. They will come back if its meant to be

[Jared.L]

There is nothing selfish in the desire to be happy and loved. Do not let society put this guilt on you. Do what makes you happy!

[Govind]

No, there is nothing selfish in desire of loving someone. Its your inner feelings in which you have no control. But one thing you can't force that person to love you back. It should be from both sides equally.