Why has it to be so complicated?

[Baybee123]

I’m so lost I don’t know what direction to take. Please let me know your thoughts;

Ok so I met this guy online and we started chatting and became really good friends. From the beginning I could feel a connection between us. I don’t know what exactly it is but I felt so connected with him. We had feelings for each other too but we never met each other and all our chats was all over phone calls. I’m married (but it’s almost like being single we sleep in separate beds). Then suddenly one day he stops talking to me saying what we are doing is wrong. Then he blocked me from most of the social media accounts that he has. I was so heartbroken and felt so hollow. After a few days I emailed him trying to convince that there’s surely some connection and we shouldn’t ignore. I suggested we be friends. But I still had feelings for him and I know he had it too. Eyes never lie and I can so easily read his eyes. Then on Sunday he calls me and cries telling me about his girlfriend. The reason he wanted to go away from me was that he was in a relationship. Now that the girl was ignoring her blah blah he called me to let it all out and I was so heartbroken to see him cry. I felt the pain myself. Instead of anger I felt sad for him I wanted him to be happy and make things work with his gf.
Now everything is all good with his gf I’m wanting to go away from his life and he’s not letting me. I was the one to stop him from leaving a few months ago and now he’s doing exactly the same. He sent me a message saying. You mean everything to me and I don’t want to let you go from my life. I exactly feel the same despite me knowing he’s sleeping with someone else. Despite knowing we can never be together. I don’t know what is pulling me towards him. I think we both love each other but we have so many complications that we cannot ever be together. But we still want to keep coming to one another when our soul needs each other. He’s 11 years younger than me he’s in a different country and has no intentions of moving. I have a family and I have no intention to break the family.
I am not sure what is happening here? Is this a soul connection? Why are we pulled towards each other despite having so many complications? How do you know if it could be a twin flame?

It doesn't have to be complicated at all. People make it so perhaps because relationships are a deep part of humanity so they seek ways to solidify the initial thrill of "love" and attraction, romance perhaps - people touching each other emotionally, to try to find a deeper affinity and something lasting: a deeper commonality of attitude, of personality traits - enough in common to engage with each other but not everything which would lead to boredom in the end.

But people aren't static. They separately have their everyday experiences and if those depths don't exist strongly they diverge. The romance gets used up; sex gets routine and boring just biological relief; the sweet words over and over again become cliché. The "I love you" is just an utterance with little meaning, just something the other thinks you want to hear but not supported by deeds or gestures. For "love" there has to be something more.

Problem is, on social media you never really get to know someone - whether they'll spring to support you; whether you're comfortable with their ordinary gestures and habits (often down to the smallest details). Wrap it up in all the spiritual stuff you like but the practicalities of living with someone, living through their (and your) changes and problems are difficult to divine from on-line. People are always on their best behaviour at first but when they think things are going steady they start to revert. You really have to live with someone (intimately or not) to find this out.

At least on line romances are physically harmless - and admittedly the occasional one leads to something more permanent in person. (Let's face it - many people meet via dating sites these days as opportunities for face-to-face encounters diminish or, because people grow apprehensive about spontaneity (thanks to social media) prefer to go some way on line first).

You are perfectly entitled to believe there's a soul connection but do you really know the guy well enough to make it that? Are his deeds toward you enough to convince you, feet on the ground, of a connection? The deeds, the gestures are easier to act on-line than in real life where you have to compromise - words aren't enough, make sacrifices for each other, sometimes agree to differ and on.

One thing you do know about him - he's treating it at the spiritual level alone if he claims to love you. In practical, physical terms he has a different agenda. I wouldn't personally call bringing in a new girlfriend a deed that shows love.

Even so I hope you manage to sort it out soon. Pain and anguish are not the normal states you or anyone else should have to suffer in a relationship.

[Baybee123]

Thank you so much. Your response made such a huge impact on the way I was thinking and swing this situation. What you said “pain and anguish is not what a love should bring into you” it’s so true. 🙏
Just wondering why am I so obsessed with this person when I don’t even know him that Well.

[happyhaunts03]

I met and fell in love with someone online long ago before social media was really a thing. He's someone I believe I was meant to come across in this lifetime, but not a TF...a soul connection of some sort though. Anyway, I caution you to be careful. Someone's online personality, or even talking on the phone, isn't who that person really is. The man I was with had many, many issues. It was just not a good relationship in the end. Looking back, I was seeking companionship and didn't know the love I deserved was better than that. He was seeking a way to live a life he couldn't have. He was essentially living a lie and taking me along for the ride. We did love each other, but in a very unhealthy way. Anyway, he sound a lot like the guy you're talking to.

It took me falling in love with and marrying someone else before he realized we needed to live our lives apart, at least for a while. I contacted him after about 5 years through email, which he didn't see for another 5 years. Even after 10 years apart, when we talked, it was...hard.

So, the point is, be careful. Even if it's a soul connection, it doesn't mean it's a relationship in the making. Sometimes, the lessons are harder than that. Sometimes, those types of people are there only to show us what we shouldn't want or have. That we deserve more.

Good luck. However it goes, I hope you come out of it stronger and better for it.

[ssdm1]

Baybee, I sent you a private message with my reply.

[Inika]

Originally Posted by Baybee123

Thank you so much. Your response made such a huge impact on the way I was thinking and swing this situation. What you said “pain and anguish is not what a love should bring into you” it’s so true. 🙏
Just wondering why am I so obsessed with this person when I don’t even know him that Well.

Because you dont know him that well.