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[Katia]

I decided to write my question here and i hope that i will find the answer that will help me going through this.
From long time ago i don't feel like before.I am feeling useless,sad,alone and i don't like the things that i liked before.If i am listening to music i am accepting it as a noise and that's it.
I feel that i am tired of this word and i don't want to do anything.Now everything that i do is searching about spiritual themes and videos.I want to be alone and only searching about such things.
I want to spent my time searching for things that can help me developping my inner self.I feel like as everything is useless-money,job.
What is wrong with me and is it normal?I don't know.

[adira]

Hi Katia,

I am not sure if it is normal - some might say that you are depressed. Because I know myself, I call them funks. I go through these funks every once in awhile. Usually I go through these funks when I become exhausted with everything that is going on in the world and I just need time alone to unwind. Sometimes I will sleep all day or allow myself to just completely veg out on the couch and listen to music. We are not supposed to just keep on chugging 24/7 like some think we should.
Do you spend a lot of time around people or on the internet? For some people that can be emotionally and mentally draining it's part of being "on and plugged in 24/7".

Hang in there. It gets better. Do you think you will be able to get out of this funk? Do you feel that you might need a change in your life/routine?

Adira

[knightofalbion]

There is nothing 'wrong' with you, dear Katia! You have undergone a spiritual awakening/transformation, call it what you will, and now the lustre of materialism and the material world has lost its sparkle.

Unfortunately, there are still bills to be paid!, so we cannot completely separate ourselves from the material world. But to seek knowledge, wisdom, a higher truth - this is wonderful.

Remember too, that like or not, we are in the physical, earth realm and part of our purpose in being here is to add that part of our being, which is unique to us, to enrich the world and to help others.
Never lose sight of that.

I do not believe there is much else I can add. You are on your spiritual Journey, your voyage of discovery. Seeking wise counsel is always prudent but it is you and you alone who must walk the Path.

On the personal level, there are spiritualist churches, spiritual groups, even online dating for spiritual people etc., if you decide to engage with like-minded people. I do not believe solitude is healthy, certainly not for a young person.

We all go through bad times - which is not to diminish your own situation at all. But don't worry about it being normal or not. These days so many people are stressed out by their work and financial commitments that it's hard to say what's "normal" any more.

It could be depression, could be many things but just saying that doesn't help you get out of it. Have you talked to a doctor? (No one could promise that would be a solution - just wondering if a doctor has said anything.)

I agree with Adira - things get better. Have you tried easygoing physical exercise? Walking, dance, Yoga, because physical exercise can be a great lifter of spirits when things are low. Take spiritual development one step at a time. It's enough to be positive and try to be optimistic. Look for something good about every day - there always is something good going on around you. You needn't get involved with it, just notice it. Try to be with people - you don't have to engage with them, just know they're about.

And if you want some spiritual thing to do have a look at the "Affirmations" part of this forum. There's a lot to be gained for just a small amount of effort with affirmations.

I hope you feel more optimistic soon.

[Eyeland]

Originally Posted by Katia

I decided to write my question here and i hope that i will find the answer that will help me going through this.
From long time ago i don't feel like before.I am feeling useless,sad,alone and i don't like the things that i liked before.If i am listening to music i am accepting it as a noise and that's it.
I feel that i am tired of this word and i don't want to do anything.Now everything that i do is searching about spiritual themes and videos.I want to be alone and only searching about such things.
I want to spent my time searching for things that can help me developping my inner self.I feel like as everything is useless-money,job.
What is wrong with me and is it normal?I don't know.

I feel exactly the same, regarding everything i liked before, even obsessing about. Music i now only perceive as annoying noise, i see the Matrix in the 24/7 ratrace, i can't stand most of this world. I am pretty sure it is a spiritual awakening but i know how it feels, i really do. I cannot even talk to old friends anymore, even good spiritual people i used to know. I feel i evolve into..something else, while they remain happy in a state of existence that does not fulfill me anymore. The only times i feel peaceful and content are when i am in Nature. I try to listen only to natural sounds, like birds or the wind through the trees or waves of the sea. What's weird is...something inside me tells me there's nothing wrong with all this or me. It's just that i start to see what's wrong with the world, including spiritual practices. Do you feel like all this...leads somewhere, like there is alight at the end of this tunnel and you should endure through this, for there is a better existence awaiting you ?

[lancing]

Originally Posted by Katia

I decided to write my question here and i hope that i will find the answer that will help me going through this.
From long time ago i don't feel like before.I am feeling useless,sad,alone and i don't like the things that i liked before.If i am listening to music i am accepting it as a noise and that's it.
I feel that i am tired of this word and i don't want to do anything.Now everything that i do is searching about spiritual themes and videos.I want to be alone and only searching about such things.
I want to spent my time searching for things that can help me developping my inner self.I feel like as everything is useless-money,job.
What is wrong with me and is it normal?I don't know.

I know exactly how you feel! You too Eyeland! I felt this way months ago. I wanted nothing but total isolation and guidance. I actually just wanted to run away from it all and go find myself (spiritually) somewhere. Nothing felt like it was worth anything. I quit my job because it gave me depressing feelings, I stayed away from electronics because they wouldn't work right for me anyway (sill don't) and annoyed me to no end, and I just couldn't stand certain energies, especially my sister's energy (she's constantly negative).

But slowly things started to get better. The more I grew the more I realized that the people in my life deserved for me to be present, and I became kinder and nicer to them. I realized the need for a job, but that there is a higher purpose for me, so while I'm pursuing that I will keep working in a job that isn't depressing to keep my bills paid for my family. Learning from others who are spiritually developed has also become something that I feel I need to do. I still take a lot of time alone because I need it, but I've let people know what's happening with me and they've given me the space to do it, understanding of my tiredness and need for meditation, and so much more.

It does get better. I have my good and bad days as things still come up, but I'm not nearly as sensitive or as emotionally all over the place as I was or have been for the past few months. But, you stop being so sensitive, and you are able to return to the world with fresh eyes, and a fresh sense of self, being totally different to others...but you still return. I liken it to being like a newborn to the world.

The change is inevitable, the sensitivity and awareness of certain things stays, but it eases up. At least it did in my case. I'm still growing for sure, but I'm mostly past the sensitive, feeling depressed stage. Some day you will be too. So...yes, in this sense, what you're feeling is normal. I'm sure some other people here will tell you the same thing.

Things that helped me with the pain and emptiness:

1. Meditation (Guided Included)
2. Martial Arts. Particularly, Shotokan and Tai Chi. They both can be both gentle and challenging, but so good!
3. Yoga. Vinyasa and Pranayama. The second one is really good for helping with anxiety and negative thoughts.
4. Walking or just sitting in nature and observing.
5. Journaling about what you're experiencing.
6. Getting lots of rest!

Be patient with yourself!

Many Blessings, Love!

[Mr Interesting]

What I found interesting within all the time I spent doing nothing was that I was able to spend so much time doing nothing.

To a very real extent I'd put a lot of time and effort into making this world of me so I didn't have to go out and make money just to survive so that did have a bearing but still it was quite the interesting time as I would find that what I'd forgotten I'd needed to survive would actually keep appearing and it really was like all that time and effort I'd put towards surviving without external commitment was simply paying back into me what I'd already put aside.

So what I suppose I'm asking is how is the extent of your world allowing you the time and energy to be able to spend all this time uninterested?

Is there a whole support network in place that you built willingly and were a big part of or is that support network there regardless of whether you built it or not?

Also what I might be saying is that depression and suchlike might be an active feedback from what our commitments were in the past and to a certain extent a misplaced hope that such investments keep paying dividends combined with a growing understanding, or feeling actually, that we've actually got to let go of that worldview and build a better one.

But it's hard work. And I can totally understand when people spend so much time believing in something that's supposed to work but then doesn't there is an obvious tendency to review what it was that made such an approach basically unfulfilling whilst also facing a reality that if that way didn't work then what will?

Far too much thinking actually...

You are breathing... and it doesn't hurt.