Death of someone who hurt me

In 1972 I was the victim of a violent crime perpetrated by six or seven young men who left me unconscious in a public park late at night. My brother was one of those men. Because of that the crime was never prosecuted. My parents were worried he would go to jail and ruin his life. They are dead now, both of them. It's messed up, clearly.

That was a long time ago though, and I've worked hard on getting my life together and getting past it, which wasn't that easy.

A couple of days ago the man who held me down with my face in the dirt while I was still conscious killed himself by jumping off a bridge into a freezing river. He got a glowing obituary and is fondly remembered even by my own relatives, which is hard.

Out of those six or seven men, four to date have killed themselves. I'm not egomaniac enough to think it was because of what they did to me--obviously they did not care about me at all, not a whit. Still, when they die I don't feel happy about it or justified or anything, just horribly, horribly sad. It seems like life is so twisted sometimes and I don't understand why, nor do I have a clue what to do about it.

There's no protocol, no etiquette for what to do when an unpunished attacker dies by his own hand.

I don't know what I am asking for--some way to put this in context I guess. Some way to not go mad before it's my turn.

Any insights?

[kris]

I was thinking of replying to your post from a Hindu pov. But then I realized that there is not a single Hindu pov. I am not saying that the multiple pov's are because each Hindu will have his or her pov. I am saying this because a single person can have multiple pov's when trying to understand life depending on where he stands on the ladder of understanding at a given point in time.

Evil in the world is the hardest thing to understand. But it is important to understand it since we have to live with it. I saw myself as a victim growing up but my suffering pales in comparison to what you went through. But I remained miserable till I made peace with my situation and came to understand my situation in a way that made peace possible.

My first suggestion to you is to not worry about those who harmed you. It is for them to deal with their karma. Perhaps suicide is the way they are dealing with their karma or perhaps it is the way karma is dealing with them. Think of it as karma's protocol.

My second suggestion to you would be to mentally distance yourself from that awful incident and those awful persons the best you can.

In spite of being a firm believer in karma, I am ever at a loss for words to explain suffering to those who experience it. Evidently you have responded to your suffering in the most noble way imaginable. That tells me that you will not go mad and you should not worry about it at all. My final suggestion is to keep faith in the higher controller, Ishvara, who will sort out everything for you.

Kris,

Thank you for replying. Oddly, the night of his death I was so inconsolably sad and I knew that I would remember things I'd rather not, so I chanted myself to sleep with a Hindu chant I once heard as I was waking: Om deva shanti, shanti deva shanti, shanti shanti shanti.

So it was kind of jolting when you brought up replying from a Hindu pov.

I have thought a lot about karma and my life, and I see it more as a chain of events that started long before my life, and then I was born already enmeshed. So to suffer it, I think there is no shame in that, and I have not felt like a victim for a long time, because I think suffering is not always a punishment. In fact, it can be an opportunity.

I guess what upsets me to this day is how different 'reality' (from almost anyone's pov) and the public face of the world really are. It chews you up if you let it, that gap. I guess Hinduism addresses that too, doesn't it?

Your post was very helpful, thank you. I feel much the same--I can talk about karma all night but when it comes to the personal suffering of someone else all I am left without words or explanations. Maybe that's not a bad thing.

[Tobi]

I am so sorry you were abused and hurt so badly by these people. They were obviously suffering too, and acted out their discontent and disharmony in ways that deeply hurt you and probably others. The extent of their suffering is shown in that they were driven to take their own lives.
There is one -most beautiful and transformative thing you can do. Send forgiveness and prayer from your heart to those who damaged you. Elevate your self into spirit and take them with you. Is that possible?
If not, there is no failure in that. You must do what is right for you in the moment.
What doesn't kill us makes us strong.

Thank you Tobi. I did come to that realization pretty quickly and I do pray for them. I don't understand why life has to be so painful though. A lot of spiritual wisdom seems unhelpful when it comes to things like this, but yes, I've come to a new place with it.

[Native spirit]

Hi PGrundy

Im sorry for what you went through it was a hideous crime that went unpunished so there is no closure for you ,i feel a good councellor would work very well for you,just to put your life back on track,
as for not feeling anything when the people responsible passed goes to show what kind of a person you are a kind loving sole.you i feel needs to see JUSTICE for what they did your brother included.
for those who have passed they will now have to face up to what they did dont be surprised if you get a message from someone asking for their forgiveness it is up to you whether you give it or not, your parents need to shoulder some of the blame for your brother and protecting him more than you, how you stuck by them i couldnt i would have disowned them long ago.
karma reaches all of us what goes a round comes a round. they will have to face up to what they did,

Namaste

Thank you Native Spirit. I think I just needed to say it out loud somewhere and I am so grateful that this is a safe place. Namaste.

[Belle]

How brave of you to share your story.

As Native Spirit says there is no closure for you - but not in this life and karma will catch up.

For me, my prayer is for you that you will find a peace - and the right people around who will help you reach that place.

Thank you Belle. I think I actually know what to do now to get closure. It won't hurt anyone, not me either, and it was so helpful being able to open up here.

[linen53]

You are such a brave soul! To have endured so much pain and suffering in silence with no support system.

And you have come out the conqueror. You could have become embittered and twisted and it could have ruined your life, but instead you sought to heal and forgive.

To feel compassion for those who hurt you says a lot. When you can feel empathy for their suffering demonstrates your higher understanding.

I went through my own traumas many years ago and there was no support for me either. I went through many years of bitterness until I could finally let it all go and find peace. Even peace with those who hurt me. So I do understand where you are at.