To me romance is better on tv.

[Honza]

I have had relationships when I was younger. They were fine for what they were. I had companionship, comfort etc. But somehow the depth was missing. The true love was not there. The people I went out with were great and we were 'fond' of each other. It was spiritual in a way.

However I find that the deeply moving relationships are somehow made up. Fictional. I just saw the ending of Casablanca on tv. What a great love story. I get totally involved. I can imagine great love, but have never really experienced it.

The great love stories that people have created. We all immerse ourselves in them. In my heart me and my elusive partner, whoever she is, totally love each other.

[FallingLeaves]

i watch a lot of romance on tv. and it is great as far as it goes... lately though I've been idly wondering, ok, they get to this wonderful moment in life... but what comes next????

but IRL I don't get anything remotely like that. I see some of their attitudes and it seems like they are wonderful toward each other (other than the inevitable misunderstanding lol) but I wonder how could anyone real be like that? I know I wouldn't be able to even as far as I've come... it seems like to do it I'd just have to have a script to read from. And I'm getting very tired of those...

[FairyCrystal]

Oh, it is very well possible. Thing is that these days certain things do make it more difficult and especially so if people aren't aware of it.
For instance: men have 20% less testosterone these days, even when younger, from 20 yrs onwards.
That means they don't really feel entirely good, whether they're aware of it or not. It also generally means their oestrogen is too high, not balanced anymore by a healthy amount of testosterone.
The issue with that is that when a man spends lovey-dovey time with a woman, his estrogen naturally goes up. Which is why a man after intimacy -including sex- needs some time away from it. That he needs to have his testosterone levels to go up again.
Problem: his test. levels are already low, when with a woman his oestrogen goes up (even higher than it already is) it's going to be difficult.

Then women... many are too much in their masculine energy due to societal demands (work for instance, having to succeed there, make enough money, a career etc). So their natural oestrogen levels aren't as they should be, and too much in testosterone because of these societal demands.

So you get 2 people coming together that aren't at their natural best due to hormones being out of balance.
And you may think "so just hormones, big deal!" but these basically control everything we are. How we act, react, behave, feel, how we make others feel (a masculine energy man isn't going to be attracted to a masculine energy woman as that instinctively doesn't feel good).

Also with movies... many men have porn addiction or watch way too much of it. This also has consequences as even with his low testosterone and high estrogen he can then get aroused and climax. This can be difficult with his hormonal imbalance with a real woman as then the being together makes his estrogen go up, lowering his testosterone even more so he cannot get an erection and can't have sex.
This occurring with a real woman emasculates him, causing another dip in testosterone. If that goes on he simply can't even get aroused with a woman anymore and/or no longer have have sex with one whereas with the actress he can --> porn addiction is born.

Maybe it works in a similar way with romantic movies, especially if maybe your hormones aren't in balance either?

In any case, it is very possible to have a wonderful relationship with a lot of depth and passion and love etc. as long as both parties are balanced and/or aware. Good communication skills are half the "battle", maybe even more so.
Words are so powerful that they can totally emasculate a man, ruin love, kill romance, turn a woman off and whatnot, but also the other side of the coin.
Knowing how to phrase things the right way can help love to blossom and last.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Knowing how to phrase things the right way can help love to blossom and last.

that is very true, but personally, I don't feel I would be allowed to do it if I were to try. Sigh.

[Altair]

The stories serve as justification for our behaviour. So you get a lot of people thinking Mr/Ms Perfect exists, just for them. Pickiness exists across species, females are rather selective, she observes whilst the males compete and injure one another (either physically or through competitive jobs, gathering resources, bigger house, better education, etc.). It takes pausing reality to observe and notice how so much of our behaviour and interests are about an innate drive to breed.

And the bigger the population the more complex and selective the process is. The romance stories we grow up with in pop culture tie nicely into this, with the stories we create we try and justify our place and behaviour in the natural world.

[Hemera]

I felt like this for many years. I used to be almost addicted to various fictional relationships like a drug because I wanted that feeling so much.

Nowadays I've accepted 'real' relationships more. I'm not sure why but maybe something within myself needed to be recognised before I could drop my ideals of love and accept what human beings can offer. Deep spiritual love comes from the Divine, but we rarely experience its pure unconditional form from others.

[ameliorate]

The media may be guilty in portraying romance as finding 'the one' and ending happily.

Whilst that is obviously possible, the film/programme often stops there whereas after the fireworks (honeymoon stage) comes the more grounded reality of discovering each other and the compromises! Also the 'happy ever after' does not sit well with most people's experiences. Relationships have a natural lifespan and can be beneficial for a certain period of time (weeks/months/years/decades).

It's easier to find partners that work but are not sharing the same level of profound true love i.e. being on different levels of affection and need.

That said, I have had many profound experiences of love but unrequited! Do they count? For most people this involves considerable pain but (albeit unusually) for myself I derived a deeper, magical experience from its secret mystery. I had no real need of the relationship being realised (the adored person not being on the same wavelength) since the high....being in love...was so total i.e. it was enough just to see the person.

[Delphi]

Originally Posted by ameliorate

The media may be guilty in portraying romance as finding 'the one' and ending happily.

Whilst that is obviously possible, the film/programme often stops there whereas after the fireworks (honeymoon stage) comes the more grounded reality of discovering each other and the compromises! Also the 'happy ever after' does not sit well with most people's experiences. Relationships have a natural lifespan and can be beneficial for a certain period of time (weeks/months/years/decades).

That said, I have had many profound experiences of love but unrequited! Do they count? For most people this involves considerable pain but (albeit unusually) for myself I derived a deeper, magical experience from its secret mystery. I had no real need of the relationship being realised (the adored person not being on the same wavelength) since the high....being in love...was so total i.e. it was enough just to see the person.

Love, a captivating enigma, weaves its tapestry through the intricacies of connection, drawing our hearts into a dance of emotions and discovery.

[JustBe]

Our experience of love flows through what we become and realised. So the deeply moving part is for me ‘how I feel’ within, with regards to my own connection. I’m often deeply moved in gratitude and love, those openings ground me deeper into my own connection and awareness of myself and all life. So that extension moves outwardly towards life around me as it integrates within me.

I have a deeply loving and connected relationship where I am able to be myself more freely and more open and clear, but that’s only because I have found myself in this way. For me this relationship aligns to my true self. So true love, as I see it is in alignment with the true self. It simply means it’s a relationship aligned to ‘truth’.. we are both individuals with our own individuation, but we match through a whole stream of commonalities and connection. Most people would say I’m living the ‘dream’ - but I had to become the dream awakened to find it.

When I was in my twenties my relationships were aligned to my state of being back then. As you grow and change, deepen into your own connection, you meet what you are within. In every way of you.

Movies portray love in all ways, love is portrayed. It can spark your inner world in ways you realise within you somewhere you hold this spark. Your own ‘great outpouring’ of love. It activates the potential of ‘connection’ that most people think only belongs in movies. Deep connection, is deep and meaningful, deeply moved is how grateful and loving you are towards yourself as your own deep connection.

The extension from there, matches and aligns as it will..