Silence

[Shivani Devi]

Salutations and adorations.

Over the past few days (years), I have come to realise that most of my existential angst and woe is the result of feeling I am not being listened to...not being heard...not being 'taken seriously'...not being acknowledged...not having my intellectual/emotional requirements met any place outside myself, so why do I even bother going outside myself to find it when the answers can all be found within?...and IF those answers can all be found within, what use are other people? What can they tell me that I don't already know either?

For days, I have been vacillating between 'people are just not ready for me' and 'people just don't deserve me' and of course, me being me, I also get to be the whole judge and jury of that.

I find myself needing to repeat things very often because others simply weren't paying attention the first, second, third or tenth time round and I feel like saying "SEX!!!...and now I have your attention, let's talk about spiritual stuff".

I can fully, fully understand why autistic people like myself either choose to be selectively mute or it just happens by itself as a consequence...it's impossible for anybody to understand them anyway, so why do they even bother talking at all? It just becomes a total waste of oxygen.

Then of course, there will be many who say to me 'you are only seeking attention...trying to big note yourself...this is just your ego talking" etc
Thing is, I could never understand the difference between 'attention seeking' and feeling the need to be acknowledged and listened to for healthy self-esteem to occur.

So, as I was still trying to get over the whole "majority of people are so wrapped up in themselves to even care you exist" it then hit me like a ton of bricks "why do you even bother talking at all if you feel like you are not being understood?" and I was reminded about the Hindu practice of "Antar Mouna" or "Inner Silence" and for that to be established...for that to occur internally, often it becomes very necessary to practice external silence first...not talking...not writing...not making body gesture...making others believe that you're entirely deaf, dumb, illiterate and don't know sign language.

It's impossible to live like that 24/7, but for the Sadhak (spiritual aspirant), one day a week is all that is needed. I choose to fast on Mondays and do my spiritual worship on Mondays...so Monday will also be the day I go off the internet, don't go out, don't watch TV, turn off my phone and cut all ties with any form of external reality so that I can achieve Antar Mouna.

Maybe, one day...a way down the track, I will take a total vow of silence in the world and find myself doing something like cleaning the grounds of a temple or polishing the statues therein...doing something to help mankind that doesn't necessarily relate to having the need to communicate with them in any way, shape of form....embrace my Awetizm fully and become a 'vegetable' to the ways of the world.

[Emm]

I can understand your frustration and I don't think you're alone in feeling this way but what I've found is that when I reply to a question here the answer I give is also new to me, something I've not thought about in that way before, I dig deeper into myself, so...the gift to me is that understanding has come from within through my answering and often not from what others have said.

However, your idea of a silent day sounds wonderful...looking forward to hearing how it helps.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Emm

I can understand your frustration and I don't think you're alone in feeling this way but what I've found is that when I reply to a question here the answer I give is also new to me, something I've not thought about in that way before, I dig deeper into myself, so...the gift to me is that understanding has come from within through my answering and often not from what others have said.

However, your idea of a silent day sounds wonderful...looking forward to hearing how it helps.

Thank you for replying.

I feel that if I let myself channel Source more than I do, I would only ever make like about one post on here a month anyway. He's the 'quiet type' after all.... but yeah I'm still like:



Then He's all like:

http://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51...NjM0Mg%3D%3D.2

So, I go:

Why tell ME if nobody else ever gets to know about it? It's not helping one little bit here! I'm not meant to be a teacher - if I were, people would listen...they would respect me...so why teach me something I cannot teach others? It makes NO sense to me...go find somebody else to pour the whole wisdom of the universe into...somebody else...not me...I don't want to know if it means I cannot even share what I know...then I go:




He's like:



Then, I go...Oi, God...I REALISE this is my 'life lesson' here, but I DON'T want to learn it!!! I just DON'T. I wasn't ready BEFORE...I am not ready NOW and I won't be ever in FUTURE..

So, how 'bout we just skip to the part where I die, lose my memory and this soul gets put into the body of another bugger who I do not know, do not care about and let THEM deal with it?...at least my life will be freed up forever then and I can get on with effing LIVING IT!

He goes:



Hence why I made this thread.

[keokutah]

I enjoy taking vow's of silences just because I'm an introvert. I love being alone and quiet. Although, I am silent most of the time anyway, but a huge part of my last vow of silence was disconnecting from technology and that kind of stuff.

But the last vow of silence I took, my spirit guides allowed me to speak out loud for prayers and ceremonies, which was nice! I wasn't allowed to do anything other than rest, meditate, eat and do prayer ceremonies and for a break I was allowed to go for silent walks outside in nature. I carried around a paper that said I was on a vow of silence just in case I ran into anyone on these walks, but I never did.

To prepare for it, I bought enough food to last me many days (because I didn't like the idea of having to grocery shop during the vow of silence), and told the few people I knew not to call me or disturb me. It worked really well!

It was challenging for the first few days, but after that it became very pleasant. The spiritual work my guides put me through was very draining, so I had a lot of feasts and a lot of walks and a lot of rest to balance it out.

At the end of my last vow of silence, it took quite awhile to readjust to society, it was like a culture shock the first time I went back into public, my energies were way more sensitive to people than usual, and I was way more socially anxious than usual. But I still really enjoyed it and I would absolutely love to do that again soon, maybe with not as much draining spiritual work as I did last time, I think next I just want to relax.

I try to relax and limit my time on the internet and in society every day, but it's really nice getting away from all of that once in awhile, its like a vacation.

Anyhow, I remember posting a thread sometime this year, or maybe it was last year now, about how people didn't take me seriously.

They would ask me for help or I would feel like circumstances were directing me to help them. For example, since I had cured my back injury, I would feel obligated to help everyone I met who had a back injury LOL. I would get so angry and butthurt when they wouldn't take my advice to heart, and I would often wonder why no one took me seriously, when I knew in my heart that I was qualified.

The truth is I'm not qualified, not in the eyes of society, at least. I realized that all of my advice is always unorthodox and often times spiritual in nature. Obviously the majority of people aren't looking for that kind of advice, nor do they believe in it, so obviously they aren't going to take it seriously. It was absolutely silly of me to expect people to take it seriously.

The only reason I expected them to take is seriously is because I forgot to put myself in their shoes and realize that the majority of people are not spiritual and eccentric like me. Once I realize that, it's easy for me to understand why people are reluctant to listen to my eccentric ideas.

But it's a compliment when people don't take you seriously. Because it means you are being authentic to yourself.

The truth is I would never want to be the kind of person who is taken seriously by them.

Basically, I learned to tone down my spiritual talk around those who aren't open to it. I wasn't very graceful in social situations, so I would often forget that people don't want to hear that stuff.
My instincts would often warn me when I was crossing someone's boundaries, but I often ignored them.
Now I don't, well at least I try not to, sometimes I still ignore my instincts and warning flags that come up right before someone or myself does something negative in a social interaction.

It was my sense of obligation and entitlement that was the real lesson I had to learn.

It was never about life circumstances directing them to me so I could be their hero, it was about life circumstances directing them to me so I could learn to be humble and authentic to myself.

[Shivani Devi]

Thank you, Keokutah...there are a lot of wise words there and a lot of stuff for me to also digest.

I thought, I honestly thought that many people on a 'spiritual forum' would be open to 'spiritual stuff' but that was also a huge presumption and expectation on my part.

I am aware now that I have to tone down my spiritual talk...even on here and I guess that's why a lot of members just play games in the Lounge or post poems in the Cafe...they can't really say anything about anything and I understand why now.

I do channel the Divine from time to time...the other day, He was like:

"Okay, I see now. Go on SF, read all of the threads and posts and then out of all those you like, out of all you feel are important and you want to reply to...choose only ONE of them...the most important one out of the lot and reply to THAT one only and keep it very brief (under 100 words)...next day, do the same thing...one post in one thread per day...see how you go with that...you'll have people hanging on your every word." - Shiva

[cahill]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Salutations and adorations.

Over the past few days (years), I have come to realise that most of my existential angst and woe is the result of feeling I am not being listened to...not being heard...not being 'taken seriously'...not being acknowledged...not having my intellectual/emotional requirements met any place outside myself, so why do I even bother going outside myself to find it when the answers can all be found within?...and IF those answers can all be found within, what use are other people? What can they tell me that I don't already know either?

For days, I have been vacillating between 'people are just not ready for me' and 'people just don't deserve me' and of course, me being me, I also get to be the whole judge and jury of that.

I find myself needing to repeat things very often because others simply weren't paying attention the first, second, third or tenth time round and I feel like saying "SEX!!!...and now I have your attention, let's talk about spiritual stuff".

I can fully, fully understand why autistic people like myself either choose to be selectively mute or it just happens by itself as a consequence...it's impossible for anybody to understand them anyway, so why do they even bother talking at all? It just becomes a total waste of oxygen.

Then of course, there will be many who say to me 'you are only seeking attention...trying to big note yourself...this is just your ego talking" etc
Thing is, I could never understand the difference between 'attention seeking' and feeling the need to be acknowledged and listened to for healthy self-esteem to occur.

So, as I was still trying to get over the whole "majority of people are so wrapped up in themselves to even care you exist" it then hit me like a ton of bricks "why do you even bother talking at all if you feel like you are not being understood?" and I was reminded about the Hindu practice of "Antar Mouna" or "Inner Silence" and for that to be established...for that to occur internally, often it becomes very necessary to practice external silence first...not talking...not writing...not making body gesture...making others believe that you're entirely deaf, dumb, illiterate and don't know sign language.

It's impossible to live like that 24/7, but for the Sadhak (spiritual aspirant), one day a week is all that is needed. I choose to fast on Mondays and do my spiritual worship on Mondays...so Monday will also be the day I go off the internet, don't go out, don't watch TV, turn off my phone and cut all ties with any form of external reality so that I can achieve Antar Mouna.

Maybe, one day...a way down the track, I will take a total vow of silence in the world and find myself doing something like cleaning the grounds of a temple or polishing the statues therein...doing something to help mankind that doesn't necessarily relate to having the need to communicate with them in any way, shape of form....embrace my Awetizm fully and become a 'vegetable' to the ways of the world.

Bless your heart lady. I know full well how you feel. I often find myself looking for the on/off switch to this stuff myself. But over all I have found this ride to be amazing. I feel sorry for those who can't seem to wrap their minds around anything spiritual I say. I tend to at least try to have some fun with it. Spirit is usually game for it too. Sometimes they bug us to death or play jokes on us to amuse themselves so of course they will make things very interesting. Like for example. My friend says his wife was a very demanding woman but neglectful. He then says he is planning to file for divorce when his 16 yr old daughter turns 18 and graduates HS. I looked up from a snack I was eating and said. .. Who are you trying to kid here. You love your wife with all of your heart and your actually scared that you will come home from work one day and she wont be there. Your also scared something may happen to her because of some present health issues. I went back to eating my snack. He looked stunned. He did tone down the ugly talk about her and the divorce business. I know it helps to vent but do it with honesty and don't go over board. Jeez. But I enjoy creeping people out and I can feel a rush of energy when I get the "what the" look. Just kick back and have fun. Even if it means your alone in that fun. The number one thing that a spirit misses about being alive is to laugh. My youngest daughter is like me. And she was talking to me and suddenly everytime she tried to speak we heard fart noises. My other daughter heard them this time too and while it upset my youngest because she got blamed for it we had the best laugh ever. Embrace it all with the mindset of a child. About the only things I hate about being aware is the negative garbage my light attracts and nasty symptoms it causes. Other than that I get excited about what the next day brings.

[organic born]

Originally Posted by Emm

I can understand your frustration and I don't think you're alone in feeling this way but what I've found is that when I reply to a question here the answer I give is also new to me, something I've not thought about in that way before, I dig deeper into myself, so...the gift to me is that understanding has come from within through my answering and often not from what others have said.

.

Exactly! I find when left alone with my thoughts they tend to swirl in something of a holding pattern. I keep cycling back over well tread paths within myself, while never getting a really good look at what's actually being considered in an objective way. I have settled, and moved on from so many issues that had my attention captured in repetitive ways just by writing down these thoughts in a constructive way on this forum. As I'm writing, I'm watching to see where it takes me. I'll take the thought to the edge of what I've considered to date, and can oftentimes move through and beyond the original observation in this way.

Now as to teaching others anything, I'm not sure there's much of a chance that that's going to happen. We are all oriented in our own ways so truth for any individual will be a transient thing. And the more complex our exposures happen to be the more complex this would be to explain, and even that will be transient as well. :)

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Thank you for replying.

I feel that if I let myself channel Source more than I do, I would only ever make like about one post on here a month anyway. He's the 'quiet type' after all.... but yeah I'm still like:



Then He's all like:

http://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51...NjM0Mg%3D%3D.2

So, I go:

Why tell ME if nobody else ever gets to know about it? It's not helping one little bit here! I'm not meant to be a teacher - if I were, people would listen...they would respect me...so why teach me something I cannot teach others? It makes NO sense to me...go find somebody else to pour the whole wisdom of the universe into...somebody else...not me...I don't want to know if it means I cannot even share what I know...then I go:




He's like:



Then, I go...Oi, God...I REALISE this is my 'life lesson' here, but I DON'T want to learn it!!! I just DON'T. I wasn't ready BEFORE...I am not ready NOW and I won't be ever in FUTURE..

So, how 'bout we just skip to the part where I die, lose my memory and this soul gets put into the body of another bugger who I do not know, do not care about and let THEM deal with it?...at least my life will be freed up forever then and I can get on with effing LIVING IT!

He goes:



Hence why I made this thread.

You speak as if your ego and soul are different. As if your soul is inhabiting your ego, or your ego is inhabiting your soul. Or as if your soul and ego were separatable. Or as if your ego was tied to this mortals existence, diannas.

The truth that I've learned is no matter what my mortal form looks like and no matter how many rebirths I take, it's always the same ego. My ego is like my divine shadow. Each new existence is a chance to further discover my mysterious soul aspect, but also to further develop and experience my egoic aspect.

it's like my ego and soul are 2 sides of the same coin. It's always the same soul I search for, and the same ego I work through.

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Salutations and adorations.

Over the past few days (years), I have come to realise that most of my existential angst and woe is the result of feeling I am not being listened to...not being heard...not being 'taken seriously'...not being acknowledged...not having my intellectual/emotional requirements met any place outside myself, so why do I even bother going outside myself to find it when the answers can all be found within?...and IF those answers can all be found within, what use are other people? What can they tell me that I don't already know either?

For days, I have been vacillating between 'people are just not ready for me' and 'people just don't deserve me' and of course, me being me, I also get to be the whole judge and jury of that.

I find myself needing to repeat things very often because others simply weren't paying attention the first, second, third or tenth time round and I feel like saying "SEX!!!...and now I have your attention, let's talk about spiritual stuff".

I can fully, fully understand why autistic people like myself either choose to be selectively mute or it just happens by itself as a consequence...it's impossible for anybody to understand them anyway, so why do they even bother talking at all? It just becomes a total waste of oxygen.

Then of course, there will be many who say to me 'you are only seeking attention...trying to big note yourself...this is just your ego talking" etc
Thing is, I could never understand the difference between 'attention seeking' and feeling the need to be acknowledged and listened to for healthy self-esteem to occur.

So, as I was still trying to get over the whole "majority of people are so wrapped up in themselves to even care you exist" it then hit me like a ton of bricks "why do you even bother talking at all if you feel like you are not being understood?" and I was reminded about the Hindu practice of "Antar Mouna" or "Inner Silence" and for that to be established...for that to occur internally, often it becomes very necessary to practice external silence first...not talking...not writing...not making body gesture...making others believe that you're entirely deaf, dumb, illiterate and don't know sign language.

It's impossible to live like that 24/7, but for the Sadhak (spiritual aspirant), one day a week is all that is needed. I choose to fast on Mondays and do my spiritual worship on Mondays...so Monday will also be the day I go off the internet, don't go out, don't watch TV, turn off my phone and cut all ties with any form of external reality so that I can achieve Antar Mouna.

Maybe, one day...a way down the track, I will take a total vow of silence in the world and find myself doing something like cleaning the grounds of a temple or polishing the statues therein...doing something to help mankind that doesn't necessarily relate to having the need to communicate with them in any way, shape of form....embrace my Awetizm fully and become a 'vegetable' to the ways of the world.

I'm sorry to hear you are suffering because of your good intentions.

Dreams of going away and meditating all day and getting lost in devotional service!?!?! ^_^ you really know how to plan a retirement. Vegetable is the only way to go for a true spiritual seeker lol. Motion causes attachment to the physical body, the less the better for a person seeking to explore the inner universe.

[God-Like]

I spent 10 years not speaking about what I have experienced and what I have realized .

When I started to speak about certain things and my philosophies very few understood or agreed . Some referred to what I have realized / experienced as being woo woo putting it mildly .

For myself it doesn't matter what one believes in regards to my thoughts and understandings .

If I was the only one that had stepped on planet venus and no-one believed me then for a time it could be frustrating ...

It could feel a little isolating also, but one can understand that pioneers are hand picked for a reason .

Some times the seed planter has a difficult time watching things grow slowly ..

x daz x