I Feel Troubled

[NeterKhet11]

First of all I would love to appreciate the opportunity to be on this forum and as well keep this as short as I possibly can. And at the end of this I will be immensely grateful to have all your response and contributions on this matter.

I have always had a profound, indescribable affinity towards spiritual matters ever since I learned to walk. Being a precocious child, I found myself constantly in solitude and different from those around me. I was seen as weird and strange even though it all seemed normal to me. As a result of this, I got on the path to the Divine very early.

Having studied across many spiritual disciplines, I came across the Twinflame phenomenon over a decade ago and I knew immediately that it was something that had to come by on its own if it was ever real.

Over the years, I had yearned for a partner that is on that level of spiritual acquiescence due to the fact that I innately understood that earthly desires must obey the dictates of heaven; the former need not be vanquished so my deepest desire was to be with my Divine Counterpart even though I had no label on what to call it. Having been involved in 3D-Karmic and a recently ended soulmate relationship, I understood the standards had to be raised and uncompromised the deeper I embraced my spiritual evolvement.

I returned to working on a spiritual page which I somehow abandoned for about a year and in less than a month of resuming, I received a message from a lady (I am a Man). Over time we built the rapport online as I discovered she was married to a man she klnew was not up to the ideals she craved but got involved because of societal expectations and convenpience.

We had so much in common and the telepathic connection was very strong even though we hadn't met. She is 8 years older yet we are so mentally, emotionally and spiritually compatible that I could feel whatever she feels without her telling me. The synchronicity was so great even her date of birth is 11/11 and mine 1/1. And as our connection grew deeper each passing day, she told me she had been receiving signs to end her marriage relationship of about 7 years even before we got in touch with each other so it was not about me. She has a child in the marriage and was just hanging in there for the sake of it but there was really no love but marital obligation. All of these was going on before we even met as we have been chatting online for several months and exchanging pictures, calling each other frequently so much that the only thing that kept us apart was we were yet to really meet. We triggered each other in so many ways that we had actually experienced each other before even meeting.

There were Moments where she would suggest we meet but knowing the nature of our connection I was willing to make her and us wait so she can handle her issues and conditionings especially her current commitment as I did not intend to get physically involved too soon. In the midst of everything she eventually moved out of the house but not the marriage. I could recall her feeling all sorts of emotions after making that move even though we had yet to meet. So I gave her the space she needs and planned to meet up a month after she moved out.

Eventually we met and it was such an experience. The reality dawned though it seemed she had issues to work out. I had accepted and loved her unconditionally and expected that she understood the situation and stick with the purpose regardless of the emotional ups and downs she might be experiencing. After we met I could feel telepathically some coldness or withdrawn distance from her so I decided to call and send a message; she did not respond to any of them. I had been ghosted for the first time since we met! Wow it was just dawning on me. I had become a chaser!



A week later after I tried finding out what the matter was she told me she was having emotional ups and downs as well as mentally adjusting so she is fine now. Things were fine until we met again two more times and each time after meeting she ghosts off and I feel the energy notwithstanding the physical distance. I would call and get no response or reply to my messages. This was taking me apart. I even recall sending her a birthday message online but she never responded nor did she pick up my call.

I started to feel really funny and bothered as it was getting too on and off for me. This is the third time. I had no one to talk to which made it miserable for me. One day she just called and said she would like to pay me a visit which I agreed. This time I thought it was safer to examine and assess how she feels about us which turned out to be a disaster in some way based on her reaction and painting some uncertainty as she seemed to be leaning towards us not getting together though we are twinflames; something neither of us envisioned at the start of our interaction. It was as if her emotions were all over the place. She got emotional I guess and decided to flake out and postpone our meeting to the following week giving excuses.

After I patiently waited for the day to come and chatted with her thinking we could talk things out as I was expecting us to meet on that day, she ended up saying she needed to find her balance and thus she needs space. She said I could have made it easier for us if we had met earlier as she desired instead of waiting on her to move out first as I suggested. According to her, moving out only brought up problems she never knew she had been sitting on all these years. She says if it is meant to be then we will surely fall back in and there will be balance. She said contact with me confuses her the more. So she will be very glad of I could stay out of this for at least a month. Second postponment.

I readily gave her my understanding and avowed my love to her in my parting words.

Now it will be a month in exactly 4 days and no communication has transpired though I do often see her online on social media happily interacting and scheduling meetings with people, groups and taking pictures with them. Yet I was thinking to myself if this was the same person who about a month ago said she needed to sort herself out and find her balance. It all felt out of place for me as she even seemed to have ignored my birthday which was on a New Year....all of these didn't matter much but there are moments where I feel emotional and it gets to me in times like this. She asked for a month but I have decided personally without telling her to make it 2 months. Not that I'm having expectations but I feel doing that will give me time to perceive what might come up as closure.

I know I truly love this woman but in moments like this it really gets to me and leaves my mind disabled. I feel I just have to voice out so I can get help and be relieved of this trouble in my heart. I even wonder if she really feels all these emotions I'm going through.

I know this post is nothing like short as I said in my attempt to chronicle the events which led up to this juncture in the journey. Notwithstanding I will love to thank you so much for your time and reading this, I am ready to answer any questions you may have and I will be forever grateful for your inputs at this point considering the worries I feel.


Thank You and Blessings!