Trying to tie it all together

[Shaunc]

About 30 years ago was when I believe I started to follow a spiritual path. I'd been born a catholic but hadn't practised since I was 12, at about the same age booze & drugs entered my life. My alcoholism & addiction progressed, prayer had ceased, except for the times I found myself in custody or in some fairly dangerous predicaments. At age 22 I started getting locked up for my reckless ways, this led to 2 years of, on it & off it, mainly on it. At 24 I finally dried out. That was in 1988, I'm fortunate to say that was my last drink & drug.
By 27 I had a regular gig driving a furniture truck & was living with a woman & had one son & another on the way. It didn't last, she left me with the boys to chase another high.
I was 31, living in a commission flat, with 2 boys aged 3 & 1. To make ends meet I was driving a taxi night-shift & my mum & a few friends were helping me look after the boys, I was spiritually & emotionally wrecked. The plus side was that I knew I had 2 choices, I could do something about myself, or I could use again. I decided to try, I tried going back to Catholicism & Christianity, but it wasn't for me, I read about Taoism, but I couldn't learn it anywhere locally. I read about Wicca & druidry but the seasons & animals don't match up with the country I come from, the same can be said for the Native American teachings.
Buddhism is what I studied mostly for the last 20 years but even that was a mish- mash of traditions. The books I could understand were mostly very basic pure land teachings, designed for high school students at best (14yrs). The meditation was taught to me from some Thai monks that are followers of the Forrest tradition..
So how spiritually balanced (or mentally unbalanced) am I. A follower of lord Buddha that believes in God? How contradictory is that. Or a bloke that likes the teachings of Jesus, but just can't cop that he was the son of God. That won't get me any brownie points in a catholic/Christian church.
I am a nature lover but I find it very hard to believe in spells. Struth, I won't even pray for rain unless there's a low pressure cell in the area.
I'm just trying to find a way to tie it all together.
Some of my beliefs may be offensive to some people but I mean no disrespect. One of my beliefs is that the Virgin mary, Kuan yin & white buffalo woman are the same spirit/soul incarnated into different bodies to teach different cultures. I believe Jesus was the ultimate bodhisattva. I believe that the sun always comes up in the east in the morning.

That was a lovely read. Thank you very much for sharing and best wishes as you move along your path.

[Shaunc]

Thanks Kevin. I don't know why I get confused about my path. My wife is a filippina. The Philippines is a catholic country, however they also hold local traditional beliefs. At our wedding after we had finished at the church, we had to see a shaman (woman). My wife seems to have no problem mixing 2 belief systems, my sister-in-law who's now deceased was also a shaman in her village but there's 2 types of shamans, my sister-in-law was more of a first-aid herbalist, the other woman was supposedly able to cast spells & contact the other side. There belief system is similar in a lot of ways to Native American & Australian Aboriginal but being from a fishing village my wife's belief is that the sea is like her mother. I've got a similar connection to the land I was born in, but my breeding is predominantly celtic, somehow I've got to find a way to unite my breeding with the land I'm born in. I know that even if I find this link it won't bring me spiritual bliss but I do believe it'll put me one step further on the path.

[Amilius777]

Shaunc,

You are not in the wrong at all. If anything your imaginative qualities can help direct you to spiritual Truths. Imagination is a doorway to spirit.

The Virgin Mary was in my opinion too, several female figures that have reappeared. The Blessed Mother is a feminine divine being who has incarnates in the world only as a medium for God. That is why she is so influential. This peasant woman from Nazareth who was practically a nobody in her Earthly role, was in fact a spiritual giant inside. She was a divine angel and not until many centuries later when people had visions of her did they come to this understanding.

So yes your pondering and exploration serves you and all of us well.

Buddha-God thing isn't contradictory. Buddha called God, "the Ultimate Reality" in his teachings which meant "higher Power". It doesn't matter what you call it, it is all the same Divine Energy. Higher power, God, Supreme Being, Divine Consciousness, etc. In his culture (which our Earthly selves are limited to) he called it the ultimate reality. If he were born a Jew in Palestine he would have called it "God".

Buddhism is a great religion and you should stick with it. I am Catholic and I stick with it despite what muses on in my head that would get me expelled lol. But Buddha was a very evolved soul and he knew the Truth about everything by the time he reached his thirties. You can find comfort and security in his teachings. He was a channel.

Another thing too Jesus also limited by his culture, language, and religion used the phrase "Son of God", if born elsewhere in another world he would have been called something else. The whole "Son of God" and "Christ the King" were all titles in a Meditterean world opposing the powers of the Roman emperor who called himself "Son of the Gods".

EDIT-
Jesus wasn't literally the son of God. His references to "son of God" were his own inner guidance, his Higher Self, divine awareness. When he spoke of the "son of man" he meant his earthly human ego which was at times aligned with his Higher awareness. He didn't claim to be the "only Son" and majority of the language of "only Son" in John's Gospel is an inclusive statement. Since Jesus had a "higher self"- a divine awareness and he shared it with everyone, we all have that too. "one body of Christ"- Paul, means we are all one consciousness. Jesus was highly evolved but purposely chose to undergo certain experiences for himself and others. He created that chart and contract. So beautifully displayed is in Gethsemane when his Higher Self knows he must go to the Cross because he chose a martyr's incarnation, but his earthy ego was in agony. When he went through the Cross it became an opportunity to forgive his enemies (acting out his own teachings) and overcome the fear of death, proof of survival beyond the grave. His life left such a spiritual-energetic impression on the collective consciousness of humanity that he has become for us a standard or model of wholeness. "a savior". He wasn't the only one. Moses, Buddha, Mohammad, Lao Tzu also had the awareness that Jesus possessed.



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But like I said, Buddhism is a great pathway and great tradition to stay in.

[kkfern]

loved your post. having so many paths merge in your life is really a blessing. the truth, the whole truth cannot be found unless you merge the many truths together. you are well on your way.

i am sorry your path has been hard. the addiction problems are a problem. it is not a weakness as others say. it is a chemical imbalance. AT ABOUT THE AGE OF 40 THE BRAIN CHANGES (darn caps lock). life will smooth out for you.

kk

[Shaunc]

Thanks, my life has smoothed out a lot. 14 years ago I remarried to my current wife & as well as having 2 kids of our own she helped me raise my 2 older boys. In the first 2 years there was a lot of bumps along the way, while everyone established their place in the new family. In some ways not to unlike a pecking order in a hen house, but it's all worked out well. At the moment I'm 51 years old, so yes I'd say there were a lot of changes at around 40.

[Guard]

I think anyone that is really in search of truth struggles to find the meaning of it all. Many religious people just go to their places of worship like a routine. Rarely question anything out of fear. Pray simple because it makes them feel better as they accomplished something.

I have struggled to understand and grasp human existence. I was raised Christian. And though an inquisitive person by nature, I didn't try to explain things I believed or back it up with evidence. Fast forward to about the age of 32 where I completely lost my religious beliefs by openly and honestly questioning doctrine and embracing truth displayed by evidence and the real world.

I find myself struggling more with all the evil in the world because I know that most is fueled and propelled by religious dogma and propaganda. And if people would just be more open to questioning their religions, a lot of this would just go away. But you can't do that without the fear of hell being threatened over you.

And though I still struggle with all the pain in the world, I have become a much more compassionate and giving person without religion in my life. I just have to accept the fact that I cannot prove God exists. And I certainly can't disprove it. I just have to accept the fact that I am alive and so I want to make the most of it while I am here and help as many people in need as I can.