Banishing People from your life

[almondeyez68]

Hello Everyone;

Lately I've been praying that God will make me so busy, in a good way, until I forget about some people. Such as my Father and his family. I've been the black sheep for so long now until I'm just tired. I'm so ready to forget the pain and madness, is there anything I can do? I wish that I had amnesia or something, to where I could forget that he never exist, because I simply didn't in his world. God knows I loved my Father, but today I do believe he was part of my blockage to receiving my good gifts, because of all of this bitterness and resentment I've been feeling. I'm ready to let go and live, without looking back. I don't want to make anymore phone calls, ask my family how he's been, no more sending Christmas cards, just me reaching out. Not to be cruel about it, I just want to imagine him just gone, dead. Is there such a thing to have this to happen? All responses are welcome, thank you :)

Almondeyezs

I don't mean to pry, in fact I'm not bothered about your answer, its your business. I'm more bothered that you ask yourself and answer yourself honestly.

Does your dad deserve to be cut off? you say you are the black sheep of the family, we all feel like that sometimes, but is your situation worse than normal? I.e. are you genuinely outcast?

Will you be happy without your dad? Does he mean absolutely nothing to you? Do you mean anything to him?

Are you bitter towards your dad, or are you bitter about something else and directing that bitterness towards your dad because, after all, its always been dad's job to make things right, yet you still harbour this resentment, so it must be his fault (that one happens a lot, I'm not saying that's your situation, only you know that).

How would you feel if someone called you right now to say that he had actually died?

[almondeyez68]

When I was born, I couldn't tell you what happen between my mother and my father. I just know I'm here. My dad is now remarried and since he's been married, we have no contact. they have kids now and they're his obligation, I wasn't. I was always the child reaching out, trying to prove something to my dad, the child always looking on the inside, even now, looking for my dad. When my mom died, my dad didn't even send his condolence, I had to do that. I'm still feeling some type a way from that ordeal. I simply fell from my dads memory bank, my uncle, said he doesn't mention my name or even have my pictures hanging in his house and he never did. I was never invited to his home. I know he knows how to be a father because he worship the ground his kids walk on and that hurts me to even know that. If my dad died today or tomorrow I wouldn't even go to his funeral, I don't feel like I need to. My situation with my dad is horrible. When I graduated from HS he didn't show up, when I was in need he wasn't there to offer. but his kids with his wife, they don't have to want for nothing. Again..I want to forget it all, this haven't been healthy for me. and it's a sad sad situation :( Thank you

The only way I know to purge someone from your life, is simply to get rid of everything that connects you. That means deleting all his contact details from your phone/computer, and getting rid of anything physical that you associate with him, preferably in a controlled fire, but however you do it, it has to be irreversible (which is why burning stuff is an effective option - you can see its gone, if you chuck stuff away, there is always a chance it will come back - believe me, I saw something get carted off in the bin, then found it two days later on my doorstep 12 miles away from where I'd chucked it).

The act of getting rid of all these connections, and knowing that they're definitely gone, I think does something to the mind to also sever the connection.

But, be ready to fill that newly freed mental reserve with something else. It sounds like this situation is taking a lot of your mental energy. Your brain has got used to expending that energy so will just spend it on something else anyway. Best if you do the choosing what that energy goes on.

[almondeyez68]

I believe that's what my dad did, cause he doesn't have anything of me. I'm the only dummy that's holding on to memories, of what I thought I saw, which was really nothing. Father God forgive me for stupidity, I'm soooo ready to let go. I've already deleted his home phone number, which I don't remember off hand. I really don't have anything of him, I just want to forget. I have too much time on my hand and I ask God to fill it with good things, open the roads to success, to make me busy. Thank you :)

[norseman]

A question. Why are you invoking God on a Wiccan section of a forum ?

Originally Posted by almondeyez68

I have too much time on my hand and I ask God to fill it with good things, open the roads to success, to make me busy. Thank you :)

Don't wait for your god to fill the time. Find a club to join, re-establish contact with old friends, buy a bicycle, learn to play guitar, whatever.

@Norseman, wicca and god are not mutually exclusive. The new religion of wicca, which is loosely based on the old tradition of witchcraft, does not feature a rule that says you can't believe in god. In fact, practitioners of witchcraft (witches I guess) considered the Christian's god to be one of their gods, under just one of his many names.

[sea-dove]

Originally Posted by Badger1777

@Norseman, wicca and god are not mutually exclusive. The new religion of wicca, which is loosely based on the old tradition of witchcraft, does not feature a rule that says you can't believe in god. In fact, practitioners of witchcraft (witches I guess) considered the Christian's god to be one of their gods, under just one of his many names.

I'll second that. If I'd became wiccian even christ would of been one of the many energies I would of been invoking. Energies are energy with different signatures. It doesnt matter at all if one is also invoking christian energies along with the others. I have known Christian Wiccians.

[sea-dove]

Almondeyezs. I know you have been terribly hurt but that can be over come and may be with time.

Burning every connection you have with him isnt I dont think truely releasing, it may temporary help and is likely to do so, maybe even long term but all it does is place a block onto things, as your feelings to do with then have never been faced/dealt with properly ..rather just blocked out. The energy of it will stay deep within your system. Hurt comes when we hold expectations from others, in your case of a fathers love.

Both my daughter and I have gone throu this kind of thing with fathers.

With me, it wasnt anywhere like your case but my father but I was the blacksheep of the family, he treated me very poorly compared to my sisters, this was even noticable to others (my mum said he treated me horribly like he did to her). I never could be good enough for my father, If I brought home all B+ grades, he wouldnt be proud of me as it wasnt all As.

When I moved, he didnt come and visit.. actually he's just started to do so but it took him well over one year and I think it was like a second thought (as my sister wasnt home). I havent even had his phone number for maybe 8 years (cause he's never bothered to give to me and probably doesnt want me to have it) or know where he lives. If I ask my sisters for it, Im told they would have to get consent first).

I tried and tried for so long to get my fathers affection and trying to please him (over 30 years of trying). It was only till I was in my early 30s was I ready to actually let go of the expectation I had for him to truely love me and show me that.

Im sooo glad I was able to do that as now Im truely free of the situation. If he wants to see me, I can have the pleasure of that but if he doesnt, well I dont care at all about it as Im no longer troubled by him and his actions towards me any longer.
.....................

My daughter.. her father completely abandoned her (no cards or gifts, he even banned his family from contacting her I believe, so cut her completely off) when she was a toddler after we broke up.

He came back into her life when she was 10 years old and it was only cause he had a new wife who asked why he never saw his daughter so he made something up about I stopped him from seeing her to which his wife then told him he should take me to court to see her.

So enters my ex who hadnt seen our child since she was 16mths old, she didnt know him at all and he hadnt changed his controlling self so he came onto the scene demanding he have her every single weekend all weekend to of cause I said no to that, he didnt care about her feelings about this at all (she wanted to slowly get to know him, not be forced to be with him all weekend every weekend).

So a court case did happen and he was granted every second weekend, to which our 10 year child then refused to go as she didnt feel comfortable).

When I wouldnt do as the police said I had to do, to go and put her into his car kicking and screaming if I had to, I was prepared to go to jail then do something I saw as child abuse!), he backed off a bit and started seeing her for a couple of hours at first and then more. He started building a relationship with her over months.

Thing is when she finally got to the point of being prepared to maybe go with him every second weekend, he then suddenly never came again!.. so she got kicked in the teeth twice by her father one could say (he really didnt want anything to do with her, he only did what he did to look good in the eyes of his wife. I guess he told his wife his daughter was still refusing to come with him).

Thankfully my daughter (who's now in her early 20s) holds no bitterness at all towards him (she never has), she doesnt care if he sees her or not. She is confident within herself and doesnt have any self love issues. (She's my eldest daughter, unfortunately my youngest child who has a different father who did stay in the picture is completely different to this and does have a lot of self love issues, insecurity and is a jealous person). My daughter has spent the last couple of years building the relationships she missed out on having due to him eg getting to know her step sister, her grandparents etc and is open to his love if he decides to truely give it. She feels "whole".

(Im telling you all this not so you start judging yourself as I dont want you doing that but just so you can see a person doesnt have to be affected by it all. What my daughter has done, I believe you too could do it at same point).

I know you feel hurt angry etc but you do not always have to feel this way and with time you may change if you want to do this and work on how you feel (or it may just come naturally with time.. like how I was suddenly able to feel okay about my fathers treatment, when I was in my 30s). My father was even abusive towards me on one occassion and tried to kill me by struggling me (my mother pulled him off as I was passing out).

Some people are just not well spiritual developed and just dont have much love, that is who and how they are and we cant change them so all we can do is accept them for who they are (they are spiritual "children").

In the meantime seeing his actions hurt you so much, I do think you need to emotionally protect yourself as its best to not be adding things to the emotional wound, till the time comes you become stronger and to the point where you are no longer hurt at all by his actions. So getting rid of phone numbers and stopping trying to get his love is probably a good thing. You cant earn this, someone either has it for their child or they dont. (You shouldnt have to work to be earning a fathers love anyway). Do what you need to do to stop yourself from being hurt more by all this.

Best luck. I hope that one day you can truely heal. This is more about you then him and how you feel and are inside.

he was part of my blockage to receiving my good gifts

When the time is right, those things are there for you.

[almondeyez68]

I thank you all for your reply's. I am a christian that's willing to learn new things. I believe people label things the way they want them. Everything about wicca as in any other religion or belief is not all that bad. I don't wish any ill will on anybody, I choose to better myself. Yes, I look and pray to God as my higher power. I believe God to most people have many names, as we all do. Some people call me by my nick name, my middle name, my initials and i'm sure you guys have many names your love ones call you, but in all, you're just one person. I do believe there's bad people in every religion as well as good. There's some Christians that use the bible and take it out of context for their own purpose and there's some wiccan that will help others with their directions. We all have our own higher power that we connect with;it's all about the intimacy relationship we have with our higher power and not to be judgmental about it.

Again, i thank you all..I am glad there's a site like this where I can vent or to reach out to guys like you, for assistant. This is a issues that's long over due. I really didn't notice how bad it was until my Mother passed. I had her to turn to and now she's no longer here and my picture magnified before my eyes, what it really was. I just have to find a way to release this thing. Thank you :)