Identity and the phantom self

Originally Posted by Elabr8Aspie

Hi Greenslade,

Excellent reply,so thankyou.

I do relate to this ie:'I have a fractured personality due to childhood trauma and most of my Life it has felt as though there are two of me 'in here'.'

And agree re:'Often all the dark side needs is acknowledging.'

And regards emotional trauma,your on the money,as i basically switched myself off when my father died when i was 12.

So in that regard and on the emotional side of things,i have been purging and releasing pent up emotions.

Particularly fear,which had me living in a state of avoidance.

I've basically removed quite a bit,as well as recollecting where it stems from,so i don't think i require therapy from a professional source.

I've also realized this morning why i've been on some hamster wheel with my last two addictions.

They being smoking and drinking,relapsing back and forth,resistance etc.

Though with relapsing back and forth,that dark side is out in the open with less intensity.

I did some visualizing this morning and discovered my root cause,was my root chakra.

Which in turn had me effectively living on dark autopilot,without the visual connection.

And in turn why i was on some hamster wheel and in some back and forth mode of self defeating.

So final purging will involve the release of my last two addictions.

The dark side identifies with these last two attachments and has nothing else to hang onto.

Hence from relapsing back and forth,it has lost it's grip.

Though it will be acknowledge and taking a back seat.

Anyhow,thanks again for your reply Greenslade,very much on the same page.

Cheers

Hey Aspie


Thank you too, it gets interesting when someone else is on the same page to share notes with.



Yeah, switching myself off was one of my coping mechanisms because it was easier to be a zombie than to go through the emotional rollercoaster. At the time what helped me was martial arts, which gave me a safe way to vent the angry young man and it really began my Spiritual Journey with the Tao Te Ching and Lobsang Rampa.


I've just finished my second round-up of cognitive behaviour therapy, and what that did was not deal with the surface of the trauma but the perceptual frameworks of how it was created in the first place. I thought I'd dealt with it many years ago and had moved on. but the CBT was a bit like going through my underwear drawer and questioning everything. There I found the Child Inside and an angry young man I'm still in the process of reintegrating, but that's proving much harder than I thought it might. But I don't feel those 'extra' personalities so much nowadays, and instead of coping strategies I have frameworks in place that don't need them.



Horses for courses, and if your methods work for you then all power to your elbow.



I used to smoke and I couldn't go cold turkey, it used to make me feel as though my reality was like one of those corny movies where the screen goes all wonky. Not much fun. I had to be ready within myself, because the smoking was often a source of comfort as much as anything else, and not having the will power was a bit of a weak spot in my character. I had to feel ready, not tell myself I'm ready. Sometimes I feel as though I could kill for a cigarette but I's probably cough my lungs out.


My CBT person and I had a long chat with the angry young man, she was comfortable enough with me for me to treat that as aspect as a person. Personification works, and it gave me a relationship with him. Things became interesting from that perspective. He's still here and he has his anger but I accept that and him, and therefore accept it as a part of myself. That helps me reintegrate him and feel a little more whole.



I'm not out of the woods and frankly I don't want to be, so much has gone on that I don't want those parts of me to vanish. Without them I would be a very different person, and if I can Love and accept myself with those warts and all then I can do it for someone else. Sometimes the sum of the parts is a whole new being, and right now that's what it feels like.


Safe Journey out there Aspie, and I'm glad you took a seat by my campfire.

Hi Greenslade,

Here's two books i recommend if you haven't read them already ie:

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford.

The other book ie:

Emotional Clearing by John Ruskan.

General rule of thumb to adopt is that everything happens for a reason and what one experiences,is for a lesson and in turn resolve.

Accept the fact,that abusers,were not there true selves,find compassion and forgiveness.

And in turn heal.

Accept the things you can change,accept the things you can't change and the wisdom to know the difference.

Question: Do you suffer from tension,heaviness around the crown and what feels like mental blocks?

Do you live in a state of avoidance and or in some respects in regards to interacting in real life?

Do you live in fear in some aspects and feel a shell of your former self?

Do you live with the victim card ie:Feel sorry for yourself,feel hard done by,resentment etc etc.

Have you a safe person or met a safe person where you can freely express and release pent up emotions?

Start base,releasing emotions,opens up memory recall,from one recount to the next.

Look up on youtube ie:The work-folsom prison,a documentary,where inmates confront their fears in a quest for empathy.

Essentially,emotions just need to be released and expressed and find the positive and in turn reintegration and peace of mind.

I have various books on trauma ie:resource therapy,EMDR and ego state therapy,hypnotherapy etc,though i find some of processes bandaid and not dealing with the root cause.

And they seem to make it a hard long process,i know it's blockages built over time,but is it because they make money from it?

I prefer the simpler process,start to face life head on,emotional release,find the silver lining and acceptance.

Everything happens for a reason,good or bad,depending on how you perceive it.

Anyhow,regards smoking,addiction has been my greatest teacher,like how a marathon runner,keeps on running despite being in a lot of pain,hence breaking through thresholds.

I have to feel i've become full circle before quitting fully,otherwise there's this ongoing nag at the back of mind saying,i want and feel like a smoke.

I use a herb substitute which doesn't contain nicotine to bring out that dark side into the open.

It's lost the tenacity,relapses only help me understand it and see it more.

Take care.

Ps.I think you mentioned on another thread that your wife had gone through some trauma as well,if so,she will have to heal and resolve herself as well.

Originally Posted by Elabr8Aspie

Hi Greenslade,

Here's two books i recommend if you haven't read them already ie:

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford.

The other book ie:

Emotional Clearing by John Ruskan.

General rule of thumb to adopt is that everything happens for a reason and what one experiences,is for a lesson and in turn resolve.

Accept the fact,that abusers,were not there true selves,find compassion and forgiveness.

And in turn heal.

Accept the things you can change,accept the things you can't change and the wisdom to know the difference.

Question: Do you suffer from tension,heaviness around the crown and what feels like mental blocks?

Do you live in a state of avoidance and or in some respects in regards to interacting in real life?

Do you live in fear in some aspects and feel a shell of your former self?

Do you live with the victim card ie:Feel sorry for yourself,feel hard done by,resentment etc etc.

Have you a safe person or met a safe person where you can freely express and release pent up emotions?

Start base,releasing emotions,opens up memory recall,from one recount to the next.

Look up on youtube ie:The work-folsom prison,a documentary,where inmates confront their fears in a quest for empathy.

Essentially,emotions just need to be released and expressed and find the positive and in turn reintegration and peace of mind.

I have various books on trauma ie:resource therapy,EMDR and ego state therapy,hypnotherapy etc,though i find some of processes bandaid and not dealing with the root cause.

And they seem to make it a hard long process,i know it's blockages built over time,but is it because they make money from it?

I prefer the simpler process,start to face life head on,emotional release,find the silver lining and acceptance.

Everything happens for a reason,good or bad,depending on how you perceive it.

Anyhow,regards smoking,addiction has been my greatest teacher,like how a marathon runner,keeps on running despite being in a lot of pain,hence breaking through thresholds.

I have to feel i've become full circle before quitting fully,otherwise there's this ongoing nag at the back of mind saying,i want and feel like a smoke.

I use a herb substitute which doesn't contain nicotine to bring out that dark side into the open.

It's lost the tenacity,relapses only help me understand it and see it more.

Take care.

Ps.I think you mentioned on another thread that your wife had gone through some trauma as well,if so,she will have to heal and resolve herself as well.

Many years ago I read a book called "Turning Hurts Into Halos" and that turned my Life around. It let me realise that everything that had happened to me had rhyme and reason, that it had led me to that point in my Life. Experiences happened BECAUSE of me, not TO me. It was then that everything began to make sense. At the time I was training long-term unemployed people computing skills but I had to relate to them as people first, and my experiences meant that I could empathise with them and understand them at a deeper level. That made a huge difference to them because their initial perceptions of me weren't very harmonic.

I've since thought about my experiences in that way, yes it does really suck to go through them at the time but when you come through the other side so much stronger? No I don't feel like a victim.

And yes, it does happen for a reason. All we need in the meantime is the fortitude to get through it.

There are nicotine receptors in the brain and that is the reason so many of those alternatives don't work - they don't work because the receptors aren't getting their fix. It's not the action of smoking, although psychologically that plays its part too - sometimes you just need a smoke. I sometimes feel like one but I know I'd cough my lungs out. Smoking was often a comfort for me and I haven't really needed that, not for a long time.

The dark side isn't so dark when you begin to understand it a little better.

My wife also went through some cognitive behaviour therapy and received a clean bill of health, although she is still 'human' she deals with it in a more constructive way and is far more emtionally stable than she used to be.

Have fun out there.

Originally Posted by Greenslade

Many years ago I read a book called "Turning Hurts Into Halos" and that turned my Life around. It let me realise that everything that had happened to me had rhyme and reason, that it had led me to that point in my Life. Experiences happened BECAUSE of me, not TO me. It was then that everything began to make sense. At the time I was training long-term unemployed people computing skills but I had to relate to them as people first, and my experiences meant that I could empathise with them and understand them at a deeper level. That made a huge difference to them because their initial perceptions of me weren't very harmonic.

I've since thought about my experiences in that way, yes it does really suck to go through them at the time but when you come through the other side so much stronger? No I don't feel like a victim.

And yes, it does happen for a reason. All we need in the meantime is the fortitude to get through it.

There are nicotine receptors in the brain and that is the reason so many of those alternatives don't work - they don't work because the receptors aren't getting their fix. It's not the action of smoking, although psychologically that plays its part too - sometimes you just need a smoke. I sometimes feel like one but I know I'd cough my lungs out. Smoking was often a comfort for me and I haven't really needed that, not for a long time.

The dark side isn't so dark when you begin to understand it a little better.

My wife also went through some cognitive behaviour therapy and received a clean bill of health, although she is still 'human' she deals with it in a more constructive way and is far more emtionally stable than she used to be.

Have fun out there.

I can relate to almost all of that, and I expect there are many who can see the meaning and purpose and even the beauty in the dark side of the life experience as well as the light. Yet one does run across many who can't seem to see it. Their answer to pretty much any question in life reflects a world view that there is no God, there is no purpose, it's all just a big unfair, unjust, random darkness.
I found that as I moved from childhood into young adulthood, my focus moved from my own little world to the world at large. I was transitioning from a child, to a youth, to an adult. From one who expects to be taken care of, to one who must make his own path in the world and play his part in making that world. School had always been something I had to endure until I could go outside and play. Now, I really wanted to know about the world and how it worked. And of course, much of what I learned appalled me. The wars, the genocide, the slavery, the injustice, the abuse, and the inhumanity that mankind practiced toward one another. Why should it be? Where was God?
For a long time I became that person who couldn't see past all that darkness to see what is beautiful and meaningful in the whole picture. That person still resides in me, it remains as one of my "phantom selves", and from time to time still moves onto center stage. But as I grew older and endured some of my own major trials and injustices, whether visited upon me by God or men, and survived them, and looked back, I did see how they moved and shaped who I became. A new "phantom self" began to emerge and take it's place with all of the rest, more tempered, more contemplative, and hopefully wiser. One that can find meaning and see beauty even in the darkest of events and things. Though I realize that I can't show God to anyone else, I do seem to see God in just about everything, but only when I stop judging God and the world and instead just look at it and allow it to show me what it wants to show me. Only when the right "phantom self" is allowed to take the stage.
Now days when I hear a younger person (or any age really) raging about the meaningless and random injustice in life, I hear one of my "phantom selves" say "Oh, give it a rest already!" However, I also realize that I could just as well direct that statement at one of my own phantom selves as well. I am reminded that the perspective I choose in life, the phantom self I allow to take the stage, has so very much to do with how 'I' see the world, how the world sees me, and the story line the play will end up following. So in that sense, that person raging at the world, reminds me to be careful which phantom self I give my attention to, and I suppose that is something to be grateful for.

Originally Posted by ketzer

I can relate to almost all of that, and I expect there are many who can see the meaning and purpose and even the beauty in the dark side of the life experience as well as the light. Yet one does run across many who can't seem to see it. Their answer to pretty much any question in life reflects a world view that there is no God, there is no purpose, it's all just a big unfair, unjust, random darkness.
I found that as I moved from childhood into young adulthood, my focus moved from my own little world to the world at large. I was transitioning from a child, to a youth, to an adult. From one who expects to be taken care of, to one who must make his own path in the world and play his part in making that world. School had always been something I had to endure until I could go outside and play. Now, I really wanted to know about the world and how it worked. And of course, much of what I learned appalled me. The wars, the genocide, the slavery, the injustice, the abuse, and the inhumanity that mankind practiced toward one another. Why should it be? Where was God?
For a long time I became that person who couldn't see past all that darkness to see what is beautiful and meaningful in the whole picture. That person still resides in me, it remains as one of my "phantom selves", and from time to time still moves onto center stage. But as I grew older and endured some of my own major trials and injustices, whether visited upon me by God or men, and survived them, and looked back, I did see how they moved and shaped who I became. A new "phantom self" began to emerge and take it's place with all of the rest, more tempered, more contemplative, and hopefully wiser. One that can find meaning and see beauty even in the darkest of events and things. Though I realize that I can't show God to anyone else, I do seem to see God in just about everything, but only when I stop judging God and the world and instead just look at it and allow it to show me what it wants to show me. Only when the right "phantom self" is allowed to take the stage.
Now days when I hear a younger person (or any age really) raging about the meaningless and random injustice in life, I hear one of my "phantom selves" say "Oh, give it a rest already!" However, I also realize that I could just as well direct that statement at one of my own phantom selves as well. I am reminded that the perspective I choose in life, the phantom self I allow to take the stage, has so very much to do with how 'I' see the world, how the world sees me, and the story line the play will end up following. So in that sense, that person raging at the world, reminds me to be careful which phantom self I give my attention to, and I suppose that is something to be grateful for.

I haven't seen a single thread on this forum about the beauty of the dark side of experience as far as I can remember. I have seen so many about negative energies and toxic people, and considering we we 'here to learn the lessons'.

We need to forgive ourselves for being human, for being the person we need to be at that time. The so-called 'phantom self' - which is the Jungian ego - is our response to the world around us, and it's in a constant feedback loop. Your earlier 'phantom self' didn't have the benefit of the experience and knowledge you have now but always remember one thing. Your previous 'phantom self' was you, so forgive yourself for being the way you were then. And remember that how you perceive that 'phantom self' is where you are now, so in the future how do you want to perceive this current 'phantom self'?

Forgive yourself of your past and for your 'phantom selves' not being perfect, because that will completely change not just how you perceive your past 'phantom self', it'll also change your past 'phantom self' and your current 'phantom self'.

Originally Posted by Greenslade

Many years ago I read a book called "Turning Hurts Into Halos" and that turned my Life around. It let me realise that everything that had happened to me had rhyme and reason, that it had led me to that point in my Life. Experiences happened BECAUSE of me, not TO me. It was then that everything began to make sense. At the time I was training long-term unemployed people computing skills but I had to relate to them as people first, and my experiences meant that I could empathise with them and understand them at a deeper level. That made a huge difference to them because their initial perceptions of me weren't very harmonic.

I've since thought about my experiences in that way, yes it does really suck to go through them at the time but when you come through the other side so much stronger? No I don't feel like a victim.

And yes, it does happen for a reason. All we need in the meantime is the fortitude to get through it.

There are nicotine receptors in the brain and that is the reason so many of those alternatives don't work - they don't work because the receptors aren't getting their fix. It's not the action of smoking, although psychologically that plays its part too - sometimes you just need a smoke. I sometimes feel like one but I know I'd cough my lungs out. Smoking was often a comfort for me and I haven't really needed that, not for a long time.

The dark side isn't so dark when you begin to understand it a little better.

My wife also went through some cognitive behaviour therapy and received a clean bill of health, although she is still 'human' she deals with it in a more constructive way and is far more emtionally stable than she used to be.

Have fun out there.

Hi Greenslade,

Life is only as hard as you make it.

Regards smoking,this was my first coping mechanism when my father died.

On the day my father died,the next door neighbors son offered me a cigarette.

So this was a start to not only smoking,but other addictions by association,by way of putting my mind elsewhere and a way not to deal with emotions.

So smoking being my last addiction and was the strongest to let go,seeing where it started from,i used a herb called damiana.

Doesn't contain nicotine and with relapsing back and forth,the dark side eventually lost the tenacity.

It's a part of me i know is the protector but given an inch,it's all or nothing and consumes till the cows come home.

As for understanding it,i do and i don't.

At this point,i see it instantly when it tries to take over.

Like i'm 4days off the booze and two weeks off the cigs,no problem.

But,it now tries to latch onto food and be a glutton.

And not hard to see when it try's it on,as i intermittent fast.

Perhaps i'll understand it more as time goes by.

Anyhow,hope all is well at your end,

Take care.

Originally Posted by Elabr8Aspie

Hi Greenslade,

Life is only as hard as you make it.

Regards smoking,this was my first coping mechanism when my father died.

On the day my father died,the next door neighbors son offered me a cigarette.

So this was a start to not only smoking,but other addictions by association,by way of putting my mind elsewhere and a way not to deal with emotions.

So smoking being my last addiction and was the strongest to let go,seeing where it started from,i used a herb called damiana.

Doesn't contain nicotine and with relapsing back and forth,the dark side eventually lost the tenacity.

It's a part of me i know is the protector but given an inch,it's all or nothing and consumes till the cows come home.

As for understanding it,i do and i don't.

At this point,i see it instantly when it tries to take over.

Like i'm 4days off the booze and two weeks off the cigs,no problem.

But,it now tries to latch onto food and be a glutton.

And not hard to see when it try's it on,as i intermittent fast.

Perhaps i'll understand it more as time goes by.

Anyhow,hope all is well at your end,

Take care.

Hey there Aspie


Yp, Life is only as hard as you want to make it, and there's a feedback loop with the Universe that gives you more of the same. It works the same way when you make it easier for yourself.

I am sorry for your loss, really.

It makes more sense and puts everything into perspective. Have you dealt with your emotions directly? I know you've mentioned 'purging' but unless you've tackled your emotions themselves, the cause of all of this still remains ans it's never going to go away. No matter how much you purge.

There's a psychological element to smoking as well as a neurological one, and trying to tackle smoking from a purely psychological perspective isn't the full story. The addiction is caused by the nicotine reacting with the nicotine receptors in the brain and it's similar to a drug addiction - which it is, albeit a relatively mild one. Stopping smoking causes nicotine withdrawal symptoms. Neuroplasticity takes place when you change your habits so in time, not smoking anything at all will cause the smoking action neural pathways to atrophy in time. Or you could replace them with something else. This is why smoking a herb won't do you any real benefit.

The root cause of what's going on with you I think is losing your father and the emotions that came after that - and more specifically your perceptions of what that meant to you. I think your smoking is associated with comfort and because your emotions haven't been dealt with, you still need that comfort - hence you find it difficult to quit. Perhaps you're as much addicted to the need for comfort. And the gluttony is understandable because your system will feel out-of-whack because it's become used to the booze and cigs, and you're looking for comfort in the food instead. Over-eating is also a side effect of nicotine withdrawal.

And fasting is just jumping from one extreme to the next. Try easing, one step at a time because that'll be less stress on your system as well as being more realistically achievable. By far the most major issue is your own perceptions of yourself. You might find this interesting
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRNfTVVW7co


All is well today, the sun is shining so the garden is getting a shake-up. Tomorrow might be a camera day, we'll see ho the weather goes.

Be safe and take care

Originally Posted by Greenslade

I haven't seen a single thread on this forum about the beauty of the dark side of experience as far as I can remember. I have seen so many about negative energies and toxic people, and considering we we 'here to learn the lessons'.

We need to forgive ourselves for being human, for being the person we need to be at that time. The so-called 'phantom self' - which is the Jungian ego - is our response to the world around us, and it's in a constant feedback loop. Your earlier 'phantom self' didn't have the benefit of the experience and knowledge you have now but always remember one thing. Your previous 'phantom self' was you, so forgive yourself for being the way you were then. And remember that how you perceive that 'phantom self' is where you are now, so in the future how do you want to perceive this current 'phantom self'?

Forgive yourself of your past and for your 'phantom selves' not being perfect, because that will completely change not just how you perceive your past 'phantom self', it'll also change your past 'phantom self' and your current 'phantom self'.

Exactly! there was a time I looked back at my phantom selves with a sense of shame at how dumb I was. Then I realized, though I may still be dumb, I was dumber then, and that's what progress looks like.

P.S. I do know of at least one thread on beauty in darkness, its a bit old though.
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...+darkne ss%22

[Moondance]

Originally Posted by Greenslade

No offence to you personally but this is what happens when people redefine words from other areas or human understanding for their own agenda - such as ego. Others come up with other words/phrases that are attempting to describe the same thing but having to invent new words in order to move away from the agenda in order to gain a more true understanding. Which is what you're doing here I think.

The Spiritual teachers - and most on this forum it seems know so little about what you're calling the 'phantom self' and - technical jargon aside - agree with you. The confusion arises because the "body-mind-individuated-matrix" doesn't like itself and seeks to ignore the 'human aspects' of itself in order to identify with the Spiritual aspects, thereby coming into conflict with itself and being ignorant that thebody-mind-individuated-matrix is the source of their Spirituality and beliefs.

Dontcha just love the irony?

Hi Greenslade

I see that you have run with the notion of the ‘phantom self’ being equivalent to the Jungian ego.

I read Jung (just worked it out) about 40 years ago. I was into his writings at that time. In recent years I’ve come across him in relation to Advaita of which he was quite sympathetic (I used to have a book on the teachings of Ramana Maharshi in which he wrote a very favourable introduction.) So I’m not dismissive of his ideas. I certainly accept the constructive nature of ego - but what I’m primarily talking about here is what we could call an ‘ego aberration’.

This ego aberration is derived solely from unnecessary, repetitive, self-reflective (often negative) thinking. To the extent that a body-mind is free of unnecessary self-referential narratives so it will be free of psychological suffering. This ego aberration/remembered self is a delusion in the sense that right now on close inspection it can be clearly seen to have no existence.

Yet I do accept the constructive and practical role of an ego framework - I acknowledge that the body-mind is adapted to have a sense of individuation and with that I include a sense of self. But the important thing to recognise here (in terms of the spiritual perspective) is that this sense of self which co-arises with the organism is empty of inherent existence. It doesn’t exist ‘on its own side’ as the Buddhists say (the Buddhist teachings on emptiness point this out convincingly.) It has no inherent existence or self-origination and therefore no ultimate reality - it is an activity, expression, patterning (for want of a description) of wholeness.

So yes, the (constructive) ego exists relatively/conventionally. It’s an empty ego - a conventional ego.

So if you like, we have two layers here. Firstly the self-reflective happened/psychological self or ‘ego aberration’. This is solely upheld in the mind and can be dissolved or seen through.

Adjacent to that is the body-mind-individuated-matrix with its sense of self or conventional (healthy) ego structure. This has a relative existence. It can be seen for what it is.

Originally Posted by Greenslade

Hey there Aspie


Yp, Life is only as hard as you want to make it, and there's a feedback loop with the Universe that gives you more of the same. It works the same way when you make it easier for yourself.

I am sorry for your loss, really.

It makes more sense and puts everything into perspective. Have you dealt with your emotions directly? I know you've mentioned 'purging' but unless you've tackled your emotions themselves, the cause of all of this still remains ans it's never going to go away. No matter how much you purge.

There's a psychological element to smoking as well as a neurological one, and trying to tackle smoking from a purely psychological perspective isn't the full story. The addiction is caused by the nicotine reacting with the nicotine receptors in the brain and it's similar to a drug addiction - which it is, albeit a relatively mild one. Stopping smoking causes nicotine withdrawal symptoms. Neuroplasticity takes place when you change your habits so in time, not smoking anything at all will cause the smoking action neural pathways to atrophy in time. Or you could replace them with something else. This is why smoking a herb won't do you any real benefit.

The root cause of what's going on with you I think is losing your father and the emotions that came after that - and more specifically your perceptions of what that meant to you. I think your smoking is associated with comfort and because your emotions haven't been dealt with, you still need that comfort - hence you find it difficult to quit. Perhaps you're as much addicted to the need for comfort. And the gluttony is understandable because your system will feel out-of-whack because it's become used to the booze and cigs, and you're looking for comfort in the food instead. Over-eating is also a side effect of nicotine withdrawal.

And fasting is just jumping from one extreme to the next. Try easing, one step at a time because that'll be less stress on your system as well as being more realistically achievable. By far the most major issue is your own perceptions of yourself. You might find this interesting
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRNfTVVW7co


All is well today, the sun is shining so the garden is getting a shake-up. Tomorrow might be a camera day, we'll see ho the weather goes.

Be safe and take care

Hi Greenslade,

Yes,what you put out,in turn comes back to you.

Re:Addictions,i'm very much on top of things as far as addictions goes and not only understand them fully,but can master any addiction that tries to take hold.

I am very much the master of my own ship.

My initial addictions were heroin,methadone and benzos,for some 18yrs,until i made my mind up to jump off 40mg's of methadone on my 35th birthday.

101% resolute in mind,i suffered very little withdrawals.

Moved interstate and stayed clean for a few years,then got into a cycle of relapsing ie:heroin for a month,back onto methadone for a month or two,then jump off and stay clean for a month or two.

I did this for 7yrs and in hindsight self medicating.

Self medicating cause i can't tolerate this ego macho angst driven system.

Hence why i sold up and relocated to the country 19mnths ago all in toll.

Anyhow,all through this,i still functioned and worked and invested.

Clean 5yrs from heroin and methadone.


There after booze,just numbing myself when emotions arose.

And smoking i realised sometime ago where it originated from and why etc.

And also the flow on affect to other addictions.

I've quit smoking and drinking and this time for good.

Full circle.


Emotion wise,i've been bringing them to the surface,and processing for the last 6mnths.

Almost there,i gain more strength with each layer processed.


Re:Fasting,i've been doing this for a few years,as well as adhering to a simple keto diet,hence putting my body into ketosis.

Yeah,so all good,i know very well how much i can handle and how much i can push myself.

I love extending myself,denying myself and pushing myself through the barriers,even when one is extremely tired.


Anyhow,i hope you have managed to bring up all your emotions and pain from past trauma,processed,transmuted and transcended.

And or on the path to recovery and healing.

Take care.