Have I Learned All I Can from My Twin?

[InquiringMind]

A common question on the mind of many lonely Chasers is "When is it time to give up on this Twin Flame relationship?" This is the question on my mind. As has been discussed before, most Twin Flame encounters do not result long-term romantic relationships between Twins. It seems that in most cases, the Runner is either completely unavailable or is unwilling to confront their negative feelings; or perhaps the Chaser never grows enough to be a good companion.

I met my Twin in a college class almost 5 years ago. We dated for six weeks, and our relationship was very rocky, with both of us behaving very strangely and experiencing a lot of negative feelings. We had something of a gender reversal in our Twinship - I am cishet male and she is cishet female, but in our relationship I was clearly the Divine Feminine and she was clearly the Divine Masculine. I was the one who was acting needy and clingy and asking for more intimacy, while she asserted her independence and autonomy. She dumped me a few days after we both graduated, and we went our separate ways, me to grad school in Southern California and she to a job in Oklahoma.

But it clearly wasn't over for either of us. We've talked on facebook several times over the last few years, and obviously there are still mutual feelings between us, because we're Twins. I decided to learn as much as I could from the relationship by essentially trying to cultivate the Divine Masculine in myself by doing the following:

-Showing leadership and becoming more independent
-Having strong boundaries and standing up for myself
-Achieving more academically and professionally
-Getting in shape

She seems to be trying to cultivate the Divine Feminine in herself, even if she doesn't know anything about Twin Flames.

I have tried over the last few years to find another romantic relationship, but things mysteriously never work out. I know I want to be with my Twin, and I'm trying to decide if Reunion with her could be a reality, or if Reunion is just a crazy fantasy that I have. She is actually moving to Central California now for grad school, so it's possible that we could date, but she may still be Running. Maybe she's ready for a relationship with me and maybe she's not.

I have grown tremendously from my Twinship with her, but I feel like I am hitting the limit of what I can learn from her based on our short relationship 5 years ago. I am considering trying to approach her, not necessarily as a romantic partner, but as a Twin who still has much of the Divine Masculine that I want for myself. The Reunion here would be symbolic rather than literal, wherein I would be able to get the pieces of my "missing self" - the Divine Masculine, from her, whether or not we were in a romantic relationship.

I am looking for advice - should I pursue a literal Reunion, or a figurative Reunion, or should I forget about her?

[Blue Tiger]

Since there isn't any negative energy between the two of you and you actually have maintained contact over the years, even if irregularly, I would have to say you should arrange to meet up with her when she's back in California. Plan to meet as friends to get back from her what you feel she still has, but it is entirely possible that you'll feel drawn to start an actual relationship. I wouldn't push for it, but be open to it. If you meet and there isn't any spark or interest between you two, then go your own way. At least you'll know that you gave it a chance, so there won't be lingering "if only" weighing on your mind in the future.

[happyhaunts03]

If you can meet up with her without expectations, do it. Catch up like old friends. But, if meeting up, in your eyes, is only for the purpose of spiritual reunion, don't. I don't think it's something that can be forced. But then, I was a runner, so I may have a different viewpoint.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by happyhaunts03

If you can meet up with her without expectations, do it. Catch up like old friends. But, if meeting up, in your eyes, is only for the purpose of spiritual reunion, don't. I don't think it's something that can be forced. But then, I was a runner, so I may have a different viewpoint.

i'm a chaser but ditto on the can't be forced. Something about my runner doesn't respect me trying to figure out how to relate to her either, it is like, she doesn't want to be in a box? So any time I try to figure out how to deal with the situation she throws me for a curve.

[InquiringMind]

Originally Posted by Blue Tiger

Since there isn't any negative energy between the two of you and you actually have maintained contact over the years, even if irregularly, I would have to say you should arrange to meet up with her when she's back in California. Plan to meet as friends to get back from her what you feel she still has, but it is entirely possible that you'll feel drawn to start an actual relationship. I wouldn't push for it, but be open to it. If you meet and there isn't any spark or interest between you two, then go your own way. At least you'll know that you gave it a chance, so there won't be lingering "if only" weighing on your mind in the future.

Originally Posted by happyhaunts03

If you can meet up with her without expectations, do it. Catch up like old friends. But, if meeting up, in your eyes, is only for the purpose of spiritual reunion, don't. I don't think it's something that can be forced. But then, I was a runner, so I may have a different viewpoint.

Thanks, I think that's good advice. I'm kind of scared to meet up with her. Does that mean that I'm a Runner now? If we did meet up, I would try my absolute best to have no agenda regarding reunion or a romantic relationship. I would try to make it friendly and without expectations. But let's be honest with ourselves here: I do like her and I do want a relationship, so I can try as hard as I can to be "just friends" but it's going to be challenging, because I do have feelings, and she does have feelings. I'll do my best to get to know her as person in a more intimate and authentic way, but I won't able to hide my attraction to her.

What has changed about me, though, is that I am willing to walk away if the relationship doesn't work, which I was not able to do before. I didn't respect myself a lot before, and I would have hung on to our dating relationship no matter how rocky the relationship was. Now I have more self-respect, and I have the strength to leave a relationship that isn't working. I wouldn't force a relationship now, but I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't want to be with her.

Some people say that the Runner and the Chaser switch roles. Should I wait until she's really chasing after me? That may or may not ever happen, and I can tell you right now that there is no way I would run away from her if she really wanted a solid relationship with me.

[Blue Tiger]

Originally Posted by InquiringMind

Some people say that the Runner and the Chaser switch roles. Should I wait until she's really chasing after me? That may or may not ever happen, and I can tell you right now that there is no way I would run away from her if she really wanted a solid relationship with me.

To be honest, one of the things to remember about the whole twin flame dance is that there really aren't any rules and no two couples will follow the same choreography. You could wait forever and she might well NEVER chase you. She might stop running. She might keep running. She might want a relationship. She might fear a relationship.

Whatever you choose to do, the best of luck to you and I hope you find a wonderful future... with or without her.

[ssdm1]

If it helps any, I've know my TF for 30 years but we had no contact at all for 20 of those years. Two years ago he came back into my life. He was divorced but has a girlfriend.

I understand how you're feeling. I still have feelings for him, and he knows, even after all this time, but he is with someone else. While hard to do he and I maintain a close friendship today and are in contact a lot.

If you can, meet her without expectation of anything more and see how things play out. Remember with these relationships it's all divine timing. Whatever is meant to be will be.

Good luck

[InquiringMind]

Thanks everyone. You're right, the best thing to do is to meet up with her when the opportunity arises, with no expectations, and let the chips fall where they may.

[Seenthelight]

I recently saw my SC/TF face to face for the first time in 6 years. I knew he was going to be there, and I went on the pretence I was there to see someone else.
For me, despite all the work and learning, everything came rushing back like being hit by some crazy tsunami of emotion, love, everything.
I found this quote later that day:

“When connections are real, they simply never die. They can be buried or ignored or walked away from, but never broken. If you’ve deeply resonated with another person or place, the connection remains despite any distance, time, situation, lack of presence, or circumstance. If you’re doubtful then just try it – go and revisit a person or place and see if there’s any sense at all of the space between now and then. If it was truly real, you’ll be instantly swept back into the moment it was before it left – during the same year and place with the same wonder and hope, comfort and heartbeat. Real connections live on forever.”

– Victoria Erickson

So yeah, go and see what happens. I went without expectation - I felt I couldn't bring myself to expect anything anyway.

[Akira]

Inquiring Mind: I want to share with you how my twin and I re-connected. Years ago now my life was falling apart at that point I met his mum and she said that his life was also in chaos. She said you ought to re-connect. I did all I could to resist the temptation and then eventually I sent him a card (yes some of us still use the post ) ... Anyhoo, here's the thing that I have come to realise, when I did re-connect he was right on it. He said he was elated when he got the card, we had parted on really bad terms last meeting. He contacted me straightaway and before I knew it bam we were back together. The key ingredient we both wanted it and I admitted finally what I felt, so did he. Words we had never spoken before. The mutual choice was so great that despite the crazies that we experience every so often that I whine about on here, we just seem to work through it.

I believe therefore there is no harm in reconnecting, you never know where you both are now. He blew my mind all those years ago when he called me to say, let's give this a go, or we'll leave this mortal coil never knowing. In truth (don't tell him) I would have been happy with a friendship...

When the time is right reconnection/friendship is definitely possible, can't say whether it will be forever, but for now, it's great