emotional intelligence regarding handing out issues and being able to find solutions

[CosmicWonder]

Hey,

The situation: I take on too many issues and problems from others.

What have I done: I learn every moon every day to keep other peoples drama and issues out of me, and this is getting better.

What do I still find difficult: both leaving the problems out of my system before they come in, as well as emotionally intelligently and with consideration (when possible) drawing a boundary and getting the issue where it belongs/where it is best solved or fixed.

The intention of this post is sharing experiences and possible insights, from a place of understanding. The goal is to smoothen my path ahead in letting other peoples problems be theirs, and not mine. No matter how convincing they are that I should fix it for them.

Nuance: people often do not notice they are handing me a problem of theirs. They instant forget and do not at all seem aware of what they put out.

I hope this is clear enough.

Kind regards and with grattitude,

CW

PS: when you write, it could help to intend to have help from (inner) guidance when writing.
While this is not a have-to-do, it may help have a clean response to what I put out here.

[AngelBlue]

Hi Cosmic.
I can relate to everything you write because I'm a sensitive and had to live my live taking on board all the issues you describe.

People ARE drawn to us to offload all their problems because in a weird bizarre way they know they can, but it's very draining.

It can take many years to know how to deal with this but eventually we DO realise that we can get through this as long as we know we can walk away to our own private sanctuary to have complete peace and quiet and "our time" ....
That's when we just shut ourselves away from it all and relax , chill out, eat nice food, watch some good TV , close the curtains and shut the world out !

[CosmicWonder]

Hello AB,

Thank you for responding.

I can relate to needing alone time. If you wouldnt mind me asking, what is for you the coping or way of helping yoursslf when you are in togetherness or a public/work place?

Kind regards,

CW

[AngelBlue]

Well, it has taken several decades to get 'to grips' with it.
Life for me personally was very very difficult for the first two thirds of my life as in being social/ working etc .
But eventually I began to understand things and realised that I had to 'adapt' to my working day and do whatever was necessary to get through the day with the knowledge that when I left work I go to the safe haven of my home , lock the door , kick my shoes off and relax.

I'm afraid I might not be the best person to talk to about this because me and the outside world just don't get on.
If I'm honest I'm a bit of a recluse and I don't like what goes on outside of my own 4 walls ..
I've always been such an introvert.
The world scares me .

[CosmicWonder]

Hey AB,

That sounds like a difficult way to live life... I personally try to keep as much as possible in a fluid motion in life. But I can understand your take as well

Kind regards,

CW

[AngelBlue]

Haha....and please know I would never have wished to live life like that , it was all because of how I was born and what fate threw at me !!!!
I hated to be the timid little thing afraid of my own shadow but I could do nothing to change that !!
In my own space and my own world I'm a different person.
I also see / view life as fluidity .

[Starman]

CW, from an esoteric perspective we are one with the cosmos. Like the Sun we radiate energy and like the Moon we reflect the energy which we radiate. We all have people in our orbit, they come and go. When our orbit is stable we can experience harmony.

We draw people into our lives consciously or unconsciously for one reason or another, mostly to meet a conscious or unconscious need or want. It sometimes require us learning how to manage our needs and wants. But everyone who enters our orbit is our teacher telling us something about ourselves.

Why do I attract the kind of people that I attract? It may be because your energy is so accepting to allow people to share issues which they may not feel comfortable sharing with others. You may be a counselor or healer in life’s training course. A very easy person to talk to.

It is not so much that they share their problems as it is how you receive them sharing their problems. Yes, it can be overwhelming and even toxic to take on another persons problems. But spirit is the true healer and the most accurate counsel. It is the mind which causes stress. If we are going to consol others we must first learn how to consol ourselves, otherwise we might burn out.

Being quiet inside when listening to the grief and trauma of others may be helpful. Do not grab hold or visualize what they are telling you. Empathy does not require thought. Yes, it is very important to set personal boundaries otherwise you may lose yourself in the issues of others. Do not try to solve other people’s problems, just act as a very clear mirror reflecting back to them what they are saying so that they can clearly hear themselves and find answers to their own problems themselves.

I worked in the healthcare field for more than 40-years, in the medical field, mental health field, social work profession, and as a college instructor. I had to learn how to balance my feelings between sympathy, empathy, and maintaining my own personal integrity. Not becoming enmeshed in the problems of others but caring enough not to be calloused about their issues. It is a balancing act. Quiet meditation and having a stress management plan for myself helped greatly when dealing with other people’s stress.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by CosmicWonder

Nuance: people often do not notice they are handing me a problem of theirs. They instant forget and do not at all seem aware of what they put out.

I have often found, that when I am critical of others behaviors, if I look at myself as if in a mirror i can understand where they got it from.

[CosmicWonder]

Hey AB,

Thank you for being so open. It helps me give context to my struggles around empathy.

Hey Starman,

Thank you for shredding light on the wisdom from above you share here. This may at times come in handy when dealing with this.

Hey FallingLeaves,

Thank you for sharing your personal wisdom, even so briefly yet very clear, on the matter.


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How I understand what I learned now: There is a journey ahead, of which the outcome may at times be unpredictable for now; There is a place for people in life, despite not knowing always how to love and have these people in that specific spot for now; sometimes you can self reflectcand see where people are mirroring you.

Is this correct, is this what I can take from this for now?

Kind regards,

CW