Life after abuse

[RedEmbers]

Life after abuse:
Can anyone shed some light on a realistic approach to rebuilding life after abuse? I realise now that I used to think I was recovering after a "normal" unhappy marriage yet now I have come to learn and accept that there was nothing "normal" about my separation

I am a few years post separation and just about to sign the official papers and it has taken so much of my life force from me.

Recently, I have turned my attention in towards healing and sealing up those holes that trauma left in my soul which made me attract and be attracted to people who use my trauma to control and abuse me.

I keep falling into this habit of comparing the journey of other people and feeling that I really "should" be further along. The truth is that my functioning as an adult has been compromised.

There are plenty of things which I can do quite well - however my consistency of doing them is compromised.

So I find myself in this twilight zone - having gained quite some space between myself and abusive people and I feel scared to now be alone with myself and how much I am struggle to function like other adults my age which makes me wonder if I am much further away from my hopes for self actualisation then I would have desired to be.

[Traveler]

Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel all emotions and to release them. Say positive affirmations out loud like "I am worthy of love" "I am strong and getting stronger every day", etc. Look in the mirror when you say them. It may sound and feel hokey at first but keep at it. They do help. Say them before you fall to sleep at night too.

Look for support groups online as well.

[JustBe]

It’s all ok what you feel you know?

Trauma is a multifaceted healing circle. If it’s a core wound it wraps around all of you so you’ll notice from every angle of you it’s coming at you, to simply notice those ways in which it still grabs you.

You really do have to let go of expectations you’ve reached somewhere. Or you want to be somewhere. In actuality, your moving through stuff to slowly but surely end it’s reactions in you. Make peace with you. Peace to just be you and live a life that warms your heart.

When you have bigger shifts where you feel empowered and strong in those core issues, other angles rear their head to show you where it’s still holding you against yourself.

Ask yourself what your afraid of in being alone and why your comparing to others?

Those who are here to heal are not like the mainstream of life. Your job is to tend to you. Be kind with how far you’ve come. You’ve come so far. Acknowledge yourself fully.

Keep going, because this is really another leap to heal differently, notice something new.

I’ve journeyed consciously to heal myself for 35 yrs. I’m still reaching depths to heal my physicality. Get into all those nitty gritty little subtle layers.

[RedEmbers]

Originally Posted by Traveler

Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel. It may sound and feel hokey at first but keep at it. They do help.
Look for support groups online as well.

Thanks Traveler, it doesn't sound hokey, it can feel a bit strange though. I'm right off my routine at the moment, however I will get back to these things this evening!

The reminder to be gentle is crucial! I was just thinking about my aunty who has been through something very similar and had that realisation that her journey was quite slow and spanned across her entire lifetime.

Her life is very simple, she built a community around her and worked part time but I remember that she also spent alot of time alone. She dedicated her life to her healing and I can understand how that time alone for self care and nurturing must have been crucial.

I've been thinking about reach out to her actually.

[RedEmbers]

Thanks JustBe,

I really needed that reminder "those who heal are not like the mainstream of life".
I must only be viewing the people who have healed who are on media platforms.
Sometimes it seems that those who have healed before me, they use their own journey as a part of their success and seem so put together and, I have only walked into their lives at a certain point, I cannot see what they went through before now. They also have a different inner calling then what I do, my soul seems to call for a simple life, close to nature.

I find myself needing alot of time alone so that I can connect to what is right for me. As soon as I take on too much, other people's opinions or too much energy or information outside of myself, things start to fall apart.

It's not so much being alone - in some ways I'd like to be more alone, it is being judged as I honour my own self, as I come to realise that my path is my own and no one elses.

Peace to just be me sounds good. There is something, I feel, let myself go and heal a time where I felt I had to take myself away from play and creativity to take care of others. What warms my heart? Good question.

[JustBe]

That’s true Red. I’m surrounded by empathic healers who tend to help others as they heal. They do good work but I look in and it looks sooooo busy. Some have family, young children and multi layering on, creative openings through their process. That’s a natural extension of course. Giving back through ones realisations. It seems to ‘naturally’ extend and depending on archetype it often fits that passion within.

I became a reiki healer early 2000’s and most often, as you support others you are helping yourself. The creative path doesn’t end the self healing path. That’s one thing I see. Even as they successfully write books, take up healing modalities, run workshops, teach, run retreats, they still keep growing.

You can create any path you chose, but ultimately you can’t dismiss yourself in it.

I’ve watched a lot of them, shift and change careers. Some do massage, then go into reiki, then into yoga teaching. It’s an evolving process within and without.

In the end you find what works for you. I need a steady income , so I have a steady job. A lot of healing modalities unless you strive to go big, it’s often hit and miss financially, unless your doing something that has a high demand.

Just being ( as my name suggests) is where I am now. I work part time, enjoy nature walks, bush walks and taking care of myself. Coming back to myself now, my partner and I just enjoy simplicity.

Nature is home. I couldn’t think of a better place to live out dreams.

I’ve given a lot back to others along the way and still do, but I look at this time in my life to realise my potential in the ways that make my heart sing.

It’s really not about anyone but me. I think that judgement to live authentically has to end inside. My son taught me how to live fearlessly and not be a people pleaser, not worry about what others think.

He came to teach me those valuable, true self lessons more than anyone else.

I think you have to source where your most happiest in life and just give to that space or spaces. It can be one of ten or hundred things. I’ve truly learned to let go of needing to do or be anything and really just be me as me wants to be.

Fulfilment comes from doing what makes you happy. It also models to others how to be happy and not tied to ‘must do’ ‘have to do’

A lot of people struggle without reason to live. Living because your alive and happy to enjoy your experience while your here seems, far too simple amongst all those pushing hard to be successful.

I think purpose is doing what supports you to feel connected. Your connection requires you to take care of you, your way.

[hazada guess]

Well said JustBe.

[Native spirit]

Excellent Response justBe


Namaste

[RedEmbers]

Originally Posted by JustBe

That’s true Red. I’m surrounded by empathic healers who tend to help others as they heal. They do good work but I look in and it looks sooooo busy.


In the end you find what works for you.


I think purpose is doing what supports you to feel connected. Your connection requires you to take care of you, your way.

I too need a steady income and my recovery seems to move me away from being too available to others as I tended towards people pleasing so much which got me into some mess.

For some, I can see how the role of wounded healer would fit into a particular path, I see that as a greater purpose to what they do and that their path has supported that trajectory for them. I am not saying that they needed to be abused to get onto their souls path, I feel from a higher consciousness perspective that we come in for different experiences and different gifts which awaken and develop through different experiences.

My human aspect would not wish what I have been through on anybody, my higher awareness understands that my soul wanted to break a very old cycle, although that is my own perspective from where I stand. I certainly don't feel like I deserve or that anyone deserves abuse.
Sometimes the original trauma can make me feel that way though and that is where I can heal.



Sometimes I get bogged down in how other people are doing things, I can forget that I am the one who is living my life and at the end of each day, energy is all around me but only my inner self can decide what to do next. We come in with different desires for our lives and different rates which we progress through.

With co-dependency recovery in particular, it can be a challenge to listen to and maintain a steady connection to my inner self, soul and individual path, however that is where my greatest healing emerges.

[JustBe]

I understand.

I remind myself I’m breaking through life times, generational lineages and overcoming like your doing is one of the greatest gifts to humanity.

Becoming the voice, your boundless being, someone who models how to lead in this way, is a beautiful gift to the world you interact with in every way you interact with it.

Some of us are here to learn the depth of pain and suffering to learn the depth of potential on the other side.

The worlds your oyster, you are the pearl.