How do I let go?

[Seekerofsolace]

A recurrent problem I have in my life is I have trouble letting go. A lot of times I beat myself up for making mistakes or hold grudges against others for making wrongs against me. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to be able to forgive myself and others and leave the hurts in the past. I want to live free from the old thought patterns. But those old thought patterns keep coming back. Can anyone offer any advice?

[God-Like]

Hi.

It's a difficult process for sure.

How I worked with such a process is how the suffering served me.

My sufferings were a catalyst for self enquiry amongst other things so when you look at it like that you begin to see the relevance in regards to what one experiences.

If we go deeper into why you and I and all the rest of us experience what we do in reflection of ourselves being only that, then there is an element of peace in regards to whatever happens happens because of 'I' .

What I found useful / meaningful was to pay attention to myself and my own expression / feelings / thoughts and let the world try and break me lol ..

That's all one can do really is take a good hard look at oneself and as one goes deeper into that energy the more peace will become you ...


x daz x

[sky]

Originally Posted by Seekerofsolace

A recurrent problem I have in my life is I have trouble letting go. A lot of times I beat myself up for making mistakes or hold grudges against others for making wrongs against me. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to be able to forgive myself and others and leave the hurts in the past. I want to live free from the old thought patterns. But those old thought patterns keep coming back. Can anyone offer any advice?

Holding on to thoughts etc: is caused in my understanding by attachment which causes a lot of pain and suffering.
Letting go doesn't mean getting rid or throwing away but accepting and just let be.
Have you tried some ' mindfullness meditation ' this might help you. Being in the moment/present, letting your thoughts just pass by like clouds, just being in the now.
You can't control how others treat you but you can control how you react.
' Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change '

[kingfisher]

Originally Posted by Seekerofsolace

A recurrent problem I have in my life is I have trouble letting go. A lot of times I beat myself up for making mistakes or hold grudges against others for making wrongs against me. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to be able to forgive myself and others and leave the hurts in the past. I want to live free from the old thought patterns. But those old thought patterns keep coming back. Can anyone offer any advice?

Relating this to simple "watch the breath" meditation ( simple, yet the Buddha spoke of it leading to the highest ), where, each time we notice our mind has strayed from the breath this fact is just gently observed and theattention returned to the breath............so just observe without rancour, without beating yourself up, just observe and acknowledge the thoughts, the grudges - whatever - and move on. Wanting to be something you are not will always end in frustration - paradoxically, SEEING without judgement, just what you are, is eventually the catalyst of genuine transformation.

Just don't keep looking for change. Trust, let go of any image of yourself.

[RyanWind]

Originally Posted by Seekerofsolace

A recurrent problem I have in my life is I have trouble letting go. Can anyone offer any advice?

Not letting go of the idea that you have trouble letting go is your problem. Thoughts come and go... they only have the reality or meaning you give them. Yes they can be habitual so the same negative thoughts keep popping up in your mind...but they are only thoughts. They can't make you feel anything, or do anything, if you ignore them and don't focus on them. You can decide what thoughts are worthy of your attention.

I can imagine the next thought to be, "How do I not focus on them?" This is also just a thought you can ignore or put to the side. It can be good to go for a walk and practice ignoring your thoughts.

Put your attention on something besides thought.

[Jeremy Bong]

Originally Posted by Seekerofsolace

A recurrent problem I have in my life is I have trouble letting go. A lot of times I beat myself up for making mistakes or hold grudges against others for making wrongs against me. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to be able to forgive myself and others and leave the hurts in the past. I want to live free from the old thought patterns. But those old thought patterns keep coming back. Can anyone offer any advice?

Hey Seeker.. ..,

I have another way to lead your thought to the place that not affecting you anymore. Maybe the more you practice the less your thought will disturb you.

Your thought is always following you in your mind, then when you lead your thought by concentrate and focus slowly to bring your thought to your arm or leg.

That's the part your disturbing thought "can't think". After that you may do the second step to lead it going outside your body, just keeping your thought 2 or 3 feet in front of you.

It's more easy to do the first part---arm or leg. The second part is more hard but through practice you can do it.

If you still can't or not successful to cool down yourself then respond to me or PM me I can help you the other way.

[OnAPath]

The Buddhists know what's up. Quite literally, they rise above it. The trick is not in a how-to book or article, it is up to you, to determine your answer.

Meditation, my friend, may help you. As you meditate and a thought comes upon you (or you feel a tie to the old), chant. My preferred energy creates the words, "I forgive you, You forgive me, I choose peace."

[Angelika]

Hi Seekerofsolace,
I so know what you mean:-). It's easy to say we need to let go, the question is how? I came across some great teacher via u-tube, one of them is Matt Kahn. Through his advice and some other teachers as well I'm learning to let go. The biggest help has been that it's ok to feel whatever it is we're feeling. Instead of beating ourselves up about what we're thinking or feeling - the advice is to just acknowledge that this is what we feel or think. Whenever I feel judgmental: "I use a little mantra and say: it's ok to feel judgmental, it's save to feel judgmental, all is well and so am I. I love you". I do the same now with anger, fear, stress - you name it. It gives me such a feeling of relief. Hope this helps x

[Jyotir]

Originally Posted by Seekerofsolace

A recurrent problem I have in my life is I have trouble letting go. A lot of times I beat myself up for making mistakes or hold grudges against others for making wrongs against me. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to be able to forgive myself and others and leave the hurts in the past. I want to live free from the old thought patterns. But those old thought patterns keep coming back. Can anyone offer any advice?

Hi Seekerofsolace,

Not sure, as there is no indication in your OP, as to why this necessarily pertains to Buddhism, and the Buddhist forum. That said, I would like to offer a response regardless, since it may be useful to someone (or yourself) even if not necessarily within the purview of Buddhism according to my understanding of it.

- - - - - - -

So-called mistakes come in many forms, and have endless permutations. It is therefore useful to understand what is common to all mistakes, or wrong action, which is Ignorance.

An habitually occurring ignorance and consequent ignorant action by its nature cannot by itself let go, because in and through that very condition, i.e., ignorant cognition it is attached to itself. This means some other identification which supersedes it, must be enabled, allowed, or facilitated in order for true release to be effective.

Next, examine what is the impetus to relinquish that ignorance in both cognition and action: the emerging Wisdom. Otherwise, there would be no urge to let go; there would be no understanding of the necessity to do so as a progressive process, and there would be no effective process for this transformation to occur.

What is the source of this wisdom and all wisdom? Highest Self (please, no ‘God’ in a Buddhist forum, lol). True Self; fully illumined consciousness, all-knowing infinite eternal Being...Buddha Nature if you will.

Therefore the most efficacious method of letting go of ignorance is to simply offer it, give it as a gift to the part of being which suggested letting go in the first place. Show appreciation and gratitude for having received some valuable wisdom from Highest Self - vs. continued attachment to a habitually recurring ignorant cognition and its necessary consequences.

Think about how you give a gift to someone else. With strings attached to take it back? No. Gift giving is unconditional. It is implicit that one lets go - - permanently.

Just offer all results - but especially ignorant, negative, hurtful, destructive action to the Highest. Do it sincerely, and do it often - because ignorance will persistently arise - but you will be more conscious of this according to the necessity to examine, recognize, and dispense with it; to consciously offer it to the Highest for its eventual and complete transformation. You will notice your life changing almost immediately.

This is not the same thing as being indifferent or irresponsible. This is not enabling ‘bad’ behaviour. On the contrary…

The reason this is so effective is that it creates a more conscious deliberate contact and conduit with, and response from Highest Self - a truly effective dedication to ultimate responsibility - acknowledging and utilizing it - vs., the tenuous oscillations of ineffective release; ineffective because of regenerating ignorant action from the same conditions that create it: an attachment to ignorance by unconscious identification with it.

Meanwhile, an unconscious attachment to ignorance is superseded, surpassed and eventually transformed by a conscious and deliberate focus on Truth, i.e., Highest Self - no matter how imperfect or partial that approach may be at first.

Other methods may risk conditionality in the ‘letting go’, which unrecognized, unexamined or untransformed, accounts for the return or continued attachment.

Meanwhile, the Highest is unconditional and therefore the most effective means available within. Offer everything to That, sincerely and consistently, and see what happens.


~ J

[bees]

Originally Posted by Jyotir

Hi Seekerofsolace,

Not sure, as there is no indication in your OP, as to why this necessarily pertains to Buddhism, and the Buddhist forum. That said, I would like to offer a response regardless, since it may be useful to someone (or yourself) even if not necessarily within the purview of Buddhism according to my understanding of it.

- - - - - - -

So-called mistakes come in many forms, and have endless permutations. It is therefore useful to understand what is common to all mistakes, or wrong action, which is Ignorance.

An habitually occurring ignorance and consequent ignorant action by its nature cannot by itself let go, because in and through that very condition, i.e., ignorant cognition it is attached to itself. This means some other identification which supersedes it, must be enabled, allowed, or facilitated in order for true release to be effective.

Next, examine what is the impetus to relinquish that ignorance in both cognition and action: the emerging Wisdom. Otherwise, there would be no urge to let go; there would be no understanding of the necessity to do so as a progressive process, and there would be no effective process for this transformation to occur.

What is the source of this wisdom and all wisdom? Highest Self (please, no ‘God’ in a Buddhist forum, lol). True Self; fully illumined consciousness, all-knowing infinite eternal Being...Buddha Nature if you will.

Therefore the most efficacious method of letting go of ignorance is to simply offer it, give it as a gift to the part of being which suggested letting go in the first place. Show appreciation and gratitude for having received some valuable wisdom from Highest Self - vs. continued attachment to a habitually recurring ignorant cognition and its necessary consequences.

Think about how you give a gift to someone else. With strings attached to take it back? No. Gift giving is unconditional. It is implicit that one lets go - - permanently.

Just offer all results - but especially ignorant, negative, hurtful, destructive action to the Highest. Do it sincerely, and do it often - because ignorance will persistently arise - but you will be more conscious of this according to the necessity to examine, recognize, and dispense with it; to consciously offer it to the Highest for its eventual and complete transformation. You will notice your life changing almost immediately.

This is not the same thing as being indifferent or irresponsible. This is not enabling ‘bad’ behaviour. On the contrary…

The reason this is so effective is that it creates a more conscious deliberate contact and conduit with, and response from Highest Self - a truly effective dedication to ultimate responsibility - acknowledging and utilizing it - vs., the tenuous oscillations of ineffective release; ineffective because of regenerating ignorant action from the same conditions that create it: an attachment to ignorance by unconscious identification with it.

Meanwhile, an unconscious attachment to ignorance is superseded, surpassed and eventually transformed by a conscious and deliberate focus on Truth, i.e., Highest Self - no matter how imperfect or partial that approach may be at first.

Other methods may risk conditionality in the ‘letting go’, which unrecognized, unexamined or untransformed, accounts for the return or continued attachment.

Meanwhile, the Highest is unconditional and therefore the most effective means available within. Offer everything to That, sincerely and consistently, and see what happens.


~ J

What you've shared and described is exactly in the purview of Buddhism IMO.