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I'm not going to respond to everything here. I'm simply going to say that you are flatly wrong, on virtually every point. I realize you're in a bad place, so I'm not angry about it, but you're wrong. You don't know anything about her history, or our history (and I didn't give it, in this post, but have elsewhere). It IS for her, I am fine with where I am, other than concern for her.

I will point out one thing quickly though. She never asked me not to contact her, or to leave her alone. Our last contact was a 4 hour excellent chat. She just left, without a word.

"That's not love. Sorry. It's not. That's you making huge assumptions."

Do not EVER question that I love her. That is the only thing, that has any chance of truly making me angry. And I am left to make assumptions, because that is what she left me to do... she left, without a word, all I CAN do is wonder. You know what... I don't need to defend myself, so I'll stop. You're wrong.

Oh, and I would trade, in a heartbeat, having contact with her, for what I have now, no matter what the confusion might be. I am most certainly not lucky. She did come back once, for a little over a month, and it was constant mixed signals, but she was around, and we were both happy. And I am ASKING for signs. I'd love to have them. Be overloaded by them. Let's trade, heh.

[Kiwigirl11]

[Our last contact was a 4 hour excellent chat. She just left, without a word.]



Know what that feels like WWS....thats what happened with my TF twice ....had a great chat on Facebook both times and then straight after he deactivated his account ....I was just like ***...what happened ,we were getting on great ....i wish he had actually said something like ,this is too hard or i have to have a break ,or even i don't want anything to do with you ...instead of just leaving and leaving me wondering what the hell just happened .....it is sooooo fustrating ....so i feel for you ......Only you know really what went on between you and your Tf ...so although it is great to get advice and support from here ,at the end of the day it is up to you what you do ...hope you get some answers soon.

Originally Posted by Kiwigirl11

i wish he had actually said something like ,this is too hard or i have to have a break ,or even i don't want anything to do with you ...instead of just leaving and leaving me wondering what the hell just happened

EXACTLY. Seriously, even having her say something like "I can't stand you, never talk to me again" would have been better than just... disappearing. If it's what I assume, that things were getting too intense for her again, and she needed to run again... she could have just said "I need time again", and I would have understood. Just leaving gives me nothing to do BUT speculate and wonder about things.

[Kiwigirl11]

[When someone leaves you no avenue at all for contact, it means they don't want any contact. It's that simple. Respect the boundaries that she's set. And don't assume she feels guilt and all of that. If she does, she'll remove her boundaries and she'll reach out to check in on you. Until then, there's nothing you can do.]



Although i felt a serpent Queens post was a little harsh ( sorry but i did,maybe it kind of hit home for me too )....she is right with what she said above...there is nothing you can do ,or i for that matter ....only time will tell if they come back or not ...It is up to them....nothing we can do dam it !!!

Originally Posted by WhiteWolfSpirit

I'm not going to respond to everything here. I'm simply going to say that you are flatly wrong, on virtually every point. I realize you're in a bad place, so I'm not angry about it, but you're wrong. You don't know anything about her history, or our history (and I didn't give it, in this post, but have elsewhere). It IS for her, I am fine with where I am, other than concern for her.

I will point out one thing quickly though. She never asked me not to contact her, or to leave her alone. Our last contact was a 4 hour excellent chat. She just left, without a word.

Then I have misread you -- sure sounded like she cut all ties and you had no way of reaching her because she wanted it that way and made it clear to you in your last conversation.

If this is the case, then surely you can track her down, with a little ingenuity. She never said no contact, you had a 4 hour excellent chat. She just left without a word? What if she got into a car accident or something and is wondering why you haven't tried to reach out?

Seriously, if this is the case, What is stopping you? Just go do it already.
Track her down, say your peace.

When you love someone, wild horses don't keep you away.

Unleash the wild horses.

Go.

Now.

Do it.

Oh no, I know she doesn't want to hear from me, she just never told me that herself. She silently blocked me from the usual places online. She DID cut all ties, she just never told me why (or even told me she was doing it). I simply know that when I send something, it bounces because I'm blocked, or on FB for example, she's just gone, because I'm blocked.

She moved since we were last in contact, and got a new phone number. My options consist basically of contacting her at work, sending a letter there or something.

The last words she said to me were, exactly, "Have a good night Adam and sleep well, I'll talk with you tomorrow."

The next day I was blocked everywhere. That's all I know.

Originally Posted by WhiteWolfSpirit

Oh no, I know she doesn't want to hear from me, she just never told me that herself. She silently blocked me from the usual places online. She DID cut all ties, she just never told me why (or even told me she was doing it). I simply know that when I send something, it bounces because I'm blocked, or on FB for example, she's just gone, because I'm blocked.

She moved since we were last in contact, and got a new phone number. My options consist basically of contacting her at work, sending a letter there or something.

The last words she said to me were, exactly, "Have a good night Adam and sleep well, I'll talk with you tomorrow."

The next day I was blocked everywhere. That's all I know.

Okay - and apologies for being too harsh before (although sometimes we do need the bad cop approach, if nothing else, it helps us clarify how we really feel -- and you did tell me alright. )

Apparently we should be talking to each other at the moment, because I have been debating doing something similar to my TF. Debating it for awhile (even played around with hiding his posts, which didn't really work-- not just because I have zero willpower but also because it doesn't keep him from interacting). And, debating it quite intensely as of this morning: it was the first thought that popped into my head when I woke up.

I haven't done it. Because I promised him I wouldn't cut contact again. Even if he's being a little sh!t, even if I'm not really known to keep my promises, I dunno... why do I have such loyalty to him? I keep asking that question. Sigh. (Yeah, as I said, not all that charitable towards him at the moment).

At very least, I should tell him I am doing it first, and why. And that it is temporary, while I regain my own center ground. It would be about protecting myself and maintaining healthy boundaries.

And I do get it, that you are worried and concerned about her. I do. I keep telling myself I can't desert him, he needs me. But he is pushing my buttons and I have a long history of rescuing behavior and I really do not want to go there with him.

Your post, and writing my first response, made me realize this: I do trust him. I trust he can manage his own path -- without me. It's my ego and own neediness that wishes he wanted me around on that path. And in my situation, probably what he needs more than anything is someone who believes in him, believes he can follow his own path and survive just fine.

Long winded way to say that I was in her head just this very morning, and I can see why she chose to not warn you, and just did it, firmly, decisively. I can understand that, I really can. If she was trying to get your attention, she'd have left a tiny crack of a door open. But that wasn't her reason. No. She was protecting herself, setting boundaries, and very likely, figuring cold turkey approach would help her get off the roller coaster with you, and move on fully with her life.

If she is struggling, she'll be back. If she arrives in a good place, she'll likely reach out to you somewhere down the road.

Meanwhile, there's not much you can do, but trust. Trust that it's right for her, for you both. That she's busy doing whatever she needs to do.

And yeah. It could be a long wait.



Send me back one too, please.

Originally Posted by WhiteWolfSpirit

And I am ASKING for signs. I'd love to have them. Be overloaded by them. Let's trade, heh.

Heh. Well, I got a doozy of a sign after I posted my first reply on your thread. It was a positive sign too. A really positive one. So yeah. Hard to stay angry and cranky. Came back all softened and warm and fuzzy, and with my tail between my legs. There was also a second sign, noticed on this site when I came back. Something that has been plaguing me today because I'm not sure what it means just yet, but it has been repeating a lot.

So yeah... I get it. And I am humbled; I should be more grateful for the signs. You're right.

That said signs can often be maddening and confusing, or tell you what you don't want to hear, or difficult to interpret, or even give conflicting meanings. So, you should also be grateful you're not getting them right now. Figure that universe is giving you a nice rest, that there's a very good reason for it, and roll with that. They'll kick back up when they are supposed to.

Originally Posted by SerpentQueen

Okay - and apologies for being too harsh before (although sometimes we do need the bad cop approach, if nothing else, it helps us clarify how we really feel -- and you did tell me alright. )

Apparently we should be talking to each other at the moment, because I have been debating doing something similar to my TF. Debating it for awhile (even played around with hiding his posts, which didn't really work-- not just because I have zero willpower but also because it doesn't keep him from interacting). And, debating it quite intensely as of this morning: it was the first thought that popped into my head when I woke up.

I haven't done it. Because I promised him I wouldn't cut contact again. Even if he's being a little sh!t, even if I'm not really known to keep my promises, I dunno... why do I have such loyalty to him? I keep asking that question. Sigh. (Yeah, as I said, not all that charitable towards him at the moment).

At very least, I should tell him I am doing it first, and why. And that it is temporary, while I regain my own center ground. It would be about protecting myself and maintaining healthy boundaries.

And I do get it, that you are worried and concerned about her. I do. I keep telling myself I can't desert him, he needs me. But he is pushing my buttons and I have a long history of rescuing behavior and I really do not want to go there with him.

Your post, and writing my first response, made me realize this: I do trust him. I trust he can manage his own path -- without me. It's my ego and own neediness that wishes he wanted me around on that path. And in my situation, probably what he needs more than anything is someone who believes in him, believes he can follow his own path and survive just fine.

Long winded way to say that I was in her head just this very morning, and I can see why she chose to not warn you, and just did it, firmly, decisively. I can understand that, I really can. If she was trying to get your attention, she'd have left a tiny crack of a door open. But that wasn't her reason. No. She was protecting herself, setting boundaries, and very likely, figuring cold turkey approach would help her get off the roller coaster with you, and move on fully with her life.

If she is struggling, she'll be back. If she arrives in a good place, she'll likely reach out to you somewhere down the road.

Meanwhile, there's not much you can do, but trust. Trust that it's right for her, for you both. That she's busy doing whatever she needs to do.

And yeah. It could be a long wait.



Send me back one too, please.

I understand what you're saying. The thing is... we weren't on a roller coast, not the first time, when we were truly together. We were totally, hopelessly in love. Neither of us had another partner to worry about. We had talked about marriage, children... I was totally dedicated to her, told her I loved her every other second, she told me the same. Neither of us was pulling away, or anything. Then she just said "its too much". That was the first time.

When she came back last summer, it was online only, since she lives 9,000 miles away. She came back hesitantly, assuming it wouldn't work, that I'd be angry at her. Within 5 minutes we were chatting like no time had elapsed since our last talk. We were best friends again, instantly. About 45 days later, she said the good night I quoted. The next morning I found myself blocked. I sent her a couple of text messages and emails over the next couple of months, never got a reply. In late February, I really broke down and started sending her all kinds of craziness. In all of that time, I never got one word of reply, to anything. The "see you tomorrow" last September is still her last word to me.

So, while your and I's situations aren't quite the same... I still think that, yes, someone so important to you should always be given a reason for things. Honestly... the being dropped, with zero warning or reason, is what screwed me up, far more than the actual losing her as a partner did.

You speak of trusting him (her in my case). I do trust her. I do. But I also know about her past, and she's gotten herself hurt badly (physically and mentally) by making bad choices, and she's still making them, from what I've seen. She's ALSO healing, in some ways, but... I just worry for her safety, I can't help it. I *am* capable of staying out of her life, I just wish I could see or hear something (from her, or from my guides) that lets me know I'm doing right by her. Even though she's the one that left, I always feel like I'm the one that failed her, somehow, even if I don't know how. If she was seriously hurt...

I know it could be a long wait, and I'd be happy to wait decades for her, she's worth it. I just wish I could somehow know I'd be doing the right thing. I've asked my guides to help ME in a lot of ways. This time, it really is for her. In fact, I've even reached out to HER guardians, asked them the same questions. An image of her smiling, hearing her laugh... and knowing it was genuine, from a good life... that's all I need, to be complete. I don't need her. I need her well.

And yes...

:)

Originally Posted by SerpentQueen

Heh. Well, I got a doozy of a sign after I posted my first reply on your thread. It was a positive sign too. A really positive one. So yeah. Hard to stay angry and cranky. Came back all softened and warm and fuzzy, and with my tail between my legs. There was also a second sign, noticed on this site when I came back. Something that has been plaguing me today because I'm not sure what it means just yet, but it has been repeating a lot.

So yeah... I get it. And I am humbled; I should be more grateful for the signs. You're right.

That said signs can often be maddening and confusing, or tell you what you don't want to hear, or difficult to interpret, or even give conflicting meanings. So, you should also be grateful you're not getting them right now. Figure that universe is giving you a nice rest, that there's a very good reason for it, and roll with that. They'll kick back up when they are supposed to.

I know about overload, and sign overload too. They used to be nearly continuous, when she and I were together. We used to laugh about them, they were so common. I've gotten them at times since too, but I'd been mired in depression and self-blame for a long time since she left. I've really only gotten better in the last couple of months, after my last little meltdown.

I'm OK with not being overwhelmed with signs all the time. It's just that now, I'm really asking for help here. I am SO close to being whole again, ready to go down the new path I've chosen, the path her presence showed me. I'd just like to know I'm not failing her somehow, and that I am not hurting the one person that I would literally do anything for.